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Dear America, Wake The Fuck Up And Let Dua Lipa Happen

I have officially snapped.

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First, "Be the One" flopped and I didn't say anything because Dua Lipa was a new artist and I always expect Americans to have trash opinions about gorgeous new things.

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Then, "Blow Your Mind" didn't chart and I stayed silent because honestly "Be the One" out-gorgeous'd it and if "Be the One" couldn't smash then how could "Blow Your Mind"?

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But now, NOW is the time I finally speak up. "New Rules" isn't a massive hit and it's time for me to say choo choo motherfuckers, wake the fuck up, and hop on the Dua Lipa train.

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Let me explain this situation to those of you not in the know.


"New Rules" is important for many reasons but among those is the positive messages it gives gays, all of your friends, and people in problematic relationships. The rules spelled out in the song are simple:

1. Don't pick up the phone. You know he's only calling 'cause he's drunk and alone.

2. Don't let him in, you'll have to kick him out again.

3. Don't be his friend, you know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning.

And if you're under him, you ain't getting over him.


What's the point of this BuzzFeed post? Literally nothing. I'm just fucking pissed and want to scream about something. I want to be able to walk into Rite Aid and bop to "New Rules." I want to turn on the TV and hear it in some shitty skin care commercial. For God's sake, I just want my grandma to call her "Dual IPA" or something.

Get on the right side of history, make "New Rules" a hit.

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