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32 Songs That Need To Be The Gay National Anthem

The old anthem needs an upgrade anyway.

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1. "Gimme More" by Britney Spears

Because is there anything more American than the words "It's Britney bitch"? Yeah no.
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Because is there anything more American than the words "It's Britney bitch"? Yeah no.

2. "New Rules" by Dua Lipa

Because this is like the Bill of Rights except way, way gayer.
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Because this is like the Bill of Rights except way, way gayer.

3. "Fergalicious" by Fergie

Because 2007, the year of Fergie, deserves to be universally recognized as a pinnacle of American history.
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Because 2007, the year of Fergie, deserves to be universally recognized as a pinnacle of American history.

4. "No Scrubs" by TLC

Because this song will send positive moral messages to baby gays embarking on "the apps" for the first time.
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Because this song will send positive moral messages to baby gays embarking on "the apps" for the first time.

5. "Lady Marmalade" Christina Aguilera, Lil Kim, Pink, and Mya

Because I'd just like to think our founding fathers would also pussy pop to this.
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Because I'd just like to think our founding fathers would also pussy pop to this.

6. "Buttons" by The Pussycat Dolls

Because every single American citizen should know every single word to this PCD classic.
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Because every single American citizen should know every single word to this PCD classic.

7. "He Wasn't Man Enough" by Toni Braxton

Because Toni Braxton could still probably use the royalties.
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Because Toni Braxton could still probably use the royalties.

8. "Leave (Get Out)" by JoJo

Because this song just about sums up my gay experience.
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Because this song just about sums up my gay experience.

9. "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain

Because can you imagine how amazing it would be for our flag bearers to be wearing Shania's leopard print crop top hoodie thing?
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Because can you imagine how amazing it would be for our flag bearers to be wearing Shania's leopard print crop top hoodie thing?

10. "My Neck, My Back" by Khia

I would also be okay with this being our "Pledge of Allegiance."
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I would also be okay with this being our "Pledge of Allegiance."

11. "Waiting For Tonight" by Jennifer Lopez

Because as pointed out in the YouTube comments, "I feel gay as fuck listening to this song."
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Because as pointed out in the YouTube comments, "I feel gay as fuck listening to this song."

12. "Work From Home" by Fifth Harmony

A song that is not only patriotic but also stimulating to our economy? Yes, please!
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A song that is not only patriotic but also stimulating to our economy? Yes, please!

13. "Cool For The Summer" by Demi Lovato

Because it would be cool if gays had a seasonal national anthem just for the summer.
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Because it would be cool if gays had a seasonal national anthem just for the summer.

14. "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga

Because I'm crying just thinking about a room full of gays with their hands on their hearts screaming "rah rah ah ah ah." It's beautiful.
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Because I'm crying just thinking about a room full of gays with their hands on their hearts screaming "rah rah ah ah ah." It's beautiful.

15. "Drunk In Love" by Beyoncé

Because every gay has been there before....but most likely not "drunk in love"...just horny.
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Because every gay has been there before....but most likely not "drunk in love"...just horny.

16. "Into You" by Ariana Grande

As gays, we deserve only the most gorgeous of anthems and that my sweeties is "Into You."
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As gays, we deserve only the most gorgeous of anthems and that my sweeties is "Into You."

17. "Run Away With Me" by Carly Rae Jepsen

Red, white, and justice for Carly Rae Jepsen TBH.
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Red, white, and justice for Carly Rae Jepsen TBH.

18. "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

It was be a true upgrade to society if every baseball game started with a tearful rendition of "All I Want For Christmas Is You."
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It was be a true upgrade to society if every baseball game started with a tearful rendition of "All I Want For Christmas Is You."

19. "Dancing On My Own" by Robyn

Because we should use our national anthem as an opportunity to celebrate the great country of Sweden where most of our great pop music comes from.
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Because we should use our national anthem as an opportunity to celebrate the great country of Sweden where most of our great pop music comes from.

20. "Believe" by Cher

Because it's fucking Cher.
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Because it's fucking Cher.

21. "Damaged" by Danity Kane

Because I want to live in a country that respects and celebrates Danity Kane.
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Because I want to live in a country that respects and celebrates Danity Kane.

22. "Can't Fight The Moonlight" by Leann Rimes

Because "Coyote Ugly" is a legendary piece of American cinema and our national anthem should honor that.
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Because "Coyote Ugly" is a legendary piece of American cinema and our national anthem should honor that.

23. "It's Not Right But It's Okay (Thunderpuss Mix)" by Whitney Houston

Because I always thought the original national anthem was a little boring and could use a dance remix too.
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Because I always thought the original national anthem was a little boring and could use a dance remix too.

24. "I Wanna Be Bad" by Willa Ford

Because this is a song with an enduring message that will be relevant to gays in 2017 and 3017. Iconic.
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Because this is a song with an enduring message that will be relevant to gays in 2017 and 3017. Iconic.

25. "Sissy That Walk" by Rupaul

Because honestly Rupaul just deserves it.
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Because honestly Rupaul just deserves it.

26. "Vogue" but live at the 1990 VMAs

Because imagine every NASCAR race starting with this performance? Suddenly I stan cars.
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Because imagine every NASCAR race starting with this performance? Suddenly I stan cars.

27. "Work" by Rihanna

Because I'm laughing just thinking about all the drunk gays trying to sing the lyrics.
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Because I'm laughing just thinking about all the drunk gays trying to sing the lyrics.

28. "Hail Holy Queen" from Sister Act

Because there would be a collective "gay gasp" every time someone tried to hit Sister Mary Robert's "cherubim" and "sweet seraphim" notes. Also Whoopi Goldberg.
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Because there would be a collective "gay gasp" every time someone tried to hit Sister Mary Robert's "cherubim" and "sweet seraphim" notes. Also Whoopi Goldberg.

29. The Cumbia medley live at the Houston Asterdome by Selena

Because I won't sleep until we replace tired-ass problematic Andrew Jackson with Selena on the $10 bill.
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Because I won't sleep until we replace tired-ass problematic Andrew Jackson with Selena on the $10 bill.

30. "Sparks" by Hilary Duff

Because if "Sparks" was our National Anthem it technically wouldn't be a flop.
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Because if "Sparks" was our National Anthem it technically wouldn't be a flop.

31. "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus

Because fucking duh.
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Because fucking duh.

32. "Rumors" by Lindsay Lohan

Because I can't wait to read the comments.
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Because I can't wait to read the comments.

And the Spotify playlist:

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