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Miranda Lee on BuzzFeed

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An open letter to you on the day of your release.

Dear Brock Turner

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Welcome to BuzzFeed! Have 100 points. That is a lot of points.

You Exist!

You made your first post! Is it glorious? Is it terrible? Who cares, you made one! Great job.

First Post

Your post got promoted to the homepage of BuzzFeed Dot Com, the website! Our team of writers loved it so much that with a little spit and polish, they put it right up on the fridge. Right where everyone can see it!

Homepage Hero

Your creativity and hard work shone through and you won a freakin' Community Challenge! Congratulations, pard'ner.

Challenge Winner

When everyone else zigged, you zagged. When everyone took the low road, you took the high road. When everyone posted nothing but quizzes, you're out here posting lists. Hero. Here's your trophy.

List Legend

We knew you were a whiz at making lists before, but now you've made THREE lists?! You're truly everything we aspire to be, and one day we hope to be half the genius you are.

Lord of Lists

100k Views

A quarter of a million views! You really have the posts with the mosts. Views, that is.

250k Views

Five hundred thousand views on your posts. That's incredible! Statistically, you're excelling yourself. We asked a data scientist and he said it's true!

500k Views

A cool milzo. These are rare. Like a beautiful statue which isn't covered in bird poo.

1m Views

We can't seem to 'PIVOT' away from your incredible posts, and we never want you to 'go on a break' from creating these posts we love so much. Anyway, congrats on getting 5 Friends posts promoted!

Could You BE Making Any More Posts?

We promise that we'll never find another like you. Ya know, someone else who has gotten 5 Taylor Swift posts promoted to the homepage.

You Don't Need To Calm Down

Thanks to your ingenuity and knowledge of all things internet, you showed everyone up and are in the top 1% of BuzzFeed Community creators in 2022! From quizzes to lists, you can do it all — and now you have a trophy to show off and prove you're one of the best of the year.

Best of 2022

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who has had 5 Disney posts promoted to the BuzzFeed homepage? It's you, obviously! We don't have any attractive heroes coming to save you, but here's a trophy, which is just as good — trust us.

Fairest Of Them All

You ain't no snitch, but you do know everything about the Harry Potter universe. Since you got 5 posts promoted to the homepage, here's a lil' Quidditch gift for ya.

Golden Genius

You soaked up episodes of SpongeBob, got Odd with the Fairies, and mentally spent a lot of time at Good Burger. You were and are a Nick kid through and through, but we don't need to tell you that since you've already Figured It Out, haven't you? (We could go on forever, don't test us.)

Slime Time

You know every dance, you know every word, and let's be real, no one can make you budge about your bias. Congrats on getting your K-Pop post promoted to the front page of BuzzFeed — here's a trophy!

K-Pop Konnoisseur

Oh baby, you're ~golden~, and we're gonna give you a (Watermelon Sugar) high by handing you your very own Harry Styles trophy, just for writing a post about him.

Totally Stylin'

From reptiles to fluffy felines and tiny rats to giant whales, your love of animals knows no bounds. Your animal-themed post was promoted. Thanks for making the world a more cuddly place. Meow.

Animal Lover

Roses are red, / Poems are quoted. / You wrote about love, / and your post was promoted!

XOXO

You love all things about love, and we can't blame you. We can't give you a little kiss, so here's a trophy for getting 5 posts promoted instead.

Sucker For Love

All you do is think about food, obviously, or else you wouldn't have made a post about it. We don't blame you, and actually applaud you. We'd give you a feast, but we don't feel like it. So here's a trophy.

Snacks on Snacks on Snacks

You're really ~hungry~ for more trophies, aren't you? No? Then why do you make so many food posts?! We're actually not mad, just impressed. Here's another one, and we hope it's as satisfying as your next droolworthy meal.

Food Fanatic

For you, the thought of packing a bag and exploring a new place is unlike any other. Whether you're dreaming of stomping through the rainforest or hitting up the city that's been on your bucket list for years, travel is something you can't deny loving, so we'll do the best we can and give you a trophy since you've expressed your love for it in a post.

Up, Up, And Away

You know the thrilling feeling of staying up 'til a new song release at midnight and everyone trusts you to make the perfect playlist for every occasion and mood. Let's face it, you're just a master of all things music, so here's a trophy since you wrote a post about it!

Super Stan

You've been to countless midnight showings and have spent half of your life savings on theater popcorn — but hey, baby, that's a small price to pay to be a true film fanatic. You made a movie-themed post, we loved it, here's a trophy!

Cinema Savvy

When it comes to movies, you're addicted. From comedy to horror and musicals to documentaries, you've seem 'em all. Since you made three posts about movies, we're giving you a trophy to celebrate your expertise.

Film Fiend

You love testing everyone on their knowledge of pop culture, school smarts...honestly, you are a true trivia master, and no one can deny that! Sometimes it's okay to show off, so here's a lil' something for ya.

Know-It-All

You made three trivia quizzes, and we loved them so much that we had to promote them to the front page of BuzzFeed! There's no doubt that during the next trivia night, we call dibs on being your partner.

Master of Knowledge

Let's be real: Whenever you meet someone, you check your zodiac compatibility. Smart, honestly. Whether you're a total Gemini, fiery Aries, emotional Pisces, or anything in-between, you know the importance of star signs. And that's why you're getting a trophy because we liked your post about it.

In The Stars

Nostalgia just hits different, okay? From 'I Love Lucy' to 'Fresh Prince' to 'Lizzie McGuire,' you're all about living in the past — and that's totally rad in our book.

Nerdy for Nostalgia

Your comment got 10 hearts. Here's a trophy to commemorate the foundation of your little fan club!

Heart On

Can you feel the love tonight? You got 50 hearts on one comment. Have another hit of serotonin to celebrate!!!

Hearty Animal

ONE HUNDRED HEARTS!! I almost feel bad for you, because you're going to be chasing this feeling forever. Check out this awesome trophy you just earned!

Heartthrob

You clicked your heels and visited home — the home PAGE, that is — every day for five straight days. We've loved seeing your shining face, so please enjoy this trophy that expresses our excitement.

There's No Place Like Home

Don't think we haven't noticed you visiting the homepage for the last 10 days in a row! Whether you were finding out which Disney character you are, sifting through TV show recommendations, or catching up on the news, we love you loving us.

Habitual Homepager

You've visited the homepage 15 full days in a row! At this point, we've made up the BuzzFeed guest room for you and even added some touches to make it more personal. After all, with the amount of times you've visited, you pretty much live here now.

You Live Here Now

You pinned a quiz result to your profile, and now everyone knows that you are in fact like your favorite TV character or that you've discovered a new personality trait about yourself. Maybe we guessed your age correctly, or we were so off in guessing that you weren't even mad — you were impressed. Either way, now the world knows your result, so here's a trophy!

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Miranda Lee

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