7 Things All Unhealthy People Do At The Gym

There's a distinct group of society who go to the gym for two weeks in January and then never again. I like to call us Club Jan, which might not be as fun as Club 18-30, or as rock and roll as Club 27, but in our own way we're just as great.

1. We assume literally everyone is staring at us

Deep down, we know no one has so much as noticed our existence, but fear doesn't listen to rationality.

They're all looking at you. They know you're not one of them.

2. We live in perpetual fear of the changing rooms

If there's one thing that's worse than the gym itself, it's the changing rooms. They're full of the most beautiful people on the planet, and then there's you, panda-eyed in yesterday's socks.

In fact, if you're curious what backstage at the Victoria's Secrets show looks like, just hit up your nearest gym.

3. We wuss out of using the equipment we want to use

Every time I go to the gym, I decide to lift weights.

Every time I go to the gym, I run on the treadmill.

4. We arrive as early as possible so we can stand at the back

Because if I'm doing yoga, then you bet I'm doing it somewhere where no one will see me fall over during Downward Dog

5. We buy gym clothes and never wear them to the gym

My Nike leggings are one of the best purchases I've ever made.

I wear them in my bedroom.

6. We reward ourselves for "trying"

Okay, I went on the cross-trainer for ten minutes, time for a milkshake.

7. We come up with our own unique ways to use the equipment

We're not doing it "wrong", we just play by our own rules.

Like Columbo.