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31 Things No One Tells You About Becoming A Parent

You're going to need to know this stuff before you take the plunge.

1. At some point you will accidentally hurt your kid and you'll feel like the worst parent ever.

2. You will know a lot less about this:

3. And a whole lot more about this:

4. Your Netflix account will eventually only suggest kids' shows.

5. Your pet will no longer be your top priority.

6. You will gain 15 pounds.

7. The backseat of your car will be nasty.

8. You will eat 95% of your meals either incredibly fast or with one hand. Or both.

9. You’ll basically become a ninja.

10. Despite your best efforts, your kids will get their hands on your iPhone.

11. Parenting is harder than you think it’ll be, but you won’t really notice.

12. You will have to sneak candy like it’s a contraband substance.

13. You will laugh more than at any other time in your life.

14. You'll be awakened at 2 a.m. to fetch a glass of water only to find your kid passed out when you deliver it.

15. You will see your own faults reflected back at you.

16. Folding kid and baby clothes is torture.

17. It’s impossible to feel manly when folding said baby clothes.

18. The power of cute is more formidable than you realize.

19. You will find talking to your friends without kids more difficult.

20. Kids become actual people and not baby blobs way sooner than you think.

21. Something you love will get ruined.

22. You will turn into your parents.

23. Very little will embarrass you.

24. You won’t be able to watch movies where kids are killed or kidnapped.

25. You won’t want to spend money on yourself because you’ll know every dollar spent on yourself is a dollar you could’ve spent on your family.

26. Buying your kid something will make you way more happy than buying yourself something.

27. When your kid is little, every trip out of the house will feel like getting ready to go to the airport.

28. You will love to watch kids' movies.

29. You will cram your entire adult life between the time your kid goes down and you go to sleep.

30. For a while, only you will be able to understand them, so you’ll basically become their interpreter.

31. And lastly, it’s all worth it.

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