14 Hilarious Comebacks That Only Took People A Few Hours To Come Up With
At 4 p.m.: "Oh yeah? Well, uh..." at 5 p.m.: Epic diss!
We've all been there — you're arguing or having a confrontation with someone, but hard as you try, you just can't think of a good comeback.
But then! An hour later you think of a comeback that, if said in the moment, would've had everyone like:
1. "I was arguing with a boy in my class about feminism. He said, 'Women are pointless without men. What would Juliet be without her Romeo?' I should've said, 'Well, ALIVE.'"
2. "A girl named Mickey said about my African American boyfriend: 'Isn’t Brandon a white boy's name?' I kick myself for not responding with 'Isn’t Mickey a mouse's name?'”
3. "A gross guy at a bar blurted out 'What ARE you?' referring to my ethnic ambiguity. I ignored him and walked away with my friends, but what I should have said was 'Out of your league.'"
4. "I had my 2-year-old daughter on one of those leash backpacks because we were going to a horse show (where, you know, she could be trampled). This awful Karen with her teens yelled at me in the parking lot and said, 'Your child is not a dog, she is probably so embarrassed.'"
5. "This guy I worked with made a comment about how some girls look good until they take their shirts off. I was so annoyed by his remark, but it wasn’t until YEARS later that I realized I should’ve said, 'Yeah, kinda like when you take off your pants.'”
6. "Once, this guy on the street passed me, saying in a stupid, high-pitched voice, 'She’s pretty.' A few hours later, it occurred to me I should've replied 'He isn't' in the same stupid, high-pitched voice."
7. "In high school, my friend and this guy were arguing and I only caught the last part where he said, 'It's HIStory.' After class, I thought of telling him, 'Yeah, that's why it's full of mistakes and repeats itself over and over again!'"
8. "In middle school, a boy pointed to me and asked his friend Mitch, 'What about her?' Mitch said, very audibly, 'I’d never go out with her because she’s fat.' At the time, I crumpled into my desk and cried. But I wish I would have told him I prefer guys whose names don’t rhyme with bitch."
9. "A random girl in a group chat I was part of asked me if I was gay (I am, but I didn't want to out myself) because I said I supported LGBTQ+ rights. I wish I'd said, 'Well, I support animal rights too. That doesn't make me a giraffe now, does it?'"
10. "A much younger kid on the train shouted out that I should call him. I wish I'd shouted back, 'Why, does your mom need me to babysit?'”
11. "Some asshat yelled at me to smile, saying it would make me look prettier (I was 12, mind you). I wish I'd yelled back, 'You don't look so good yourself, take your own damn advice.'"
12. "We had a horribly mean guy working in our department who was also a notorious alcoholic. One day, the whole department went out to lunch at an Italian restaurant. He ordered wine, and a pregnant coworker ordered an appetizer along with her main course. He said: 'Nobody ordered an appetizer? Oh I see, the whale did.' I realized later what I should have said to defend my coworker: 'Nobody ordered any wine? Oh I see, the alcoholic did.'"
13. "My Precalculus teacher was taking questions about the homework, which not one student in the class understood. She told us we all needed to go to the 'math lab' (meaning a session with another teacher). I wish I had said she needed to go to the 'teaching lab.'”
14. "I used to sag my pants. Once, this racist old dude stopped me on the train and yelled, 'Pull your pants up!' I put my headphones back on and ignored him. Only later did I think to say, 'While you’re looking back there, you can kiss it.'”
Wow! Once the time machine is invented, some people are in trouble!!!
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.