Passive-Aggressive Holiday Gifts For The People You Hate

I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

1. For the incredibly self-absorbed:

“There’s no greater gift than the gift of giving, don’t you agree, Lyndsay?”

2. For the Christmas-hating Scrooge:

“If I were you, Tom, I’d drink my morning coffee out of it all year round!”

3. For the pretentious literary snob:

Random House / Via

“You’ll love it, Bert. This E.L. James fella was a #1 New York Times Bestseller. Not even Shakespeare can say that!”

4. For the outspoken (and oversharing) lover of 50 Shades of Grey:

“Bondage? No, I don’t think there’s any bondage in it. Wait a minute. There’s bondage of the mind. Lots and lots of bondage of the mind!”

5. For the humorless evangelizer:

“I figured you’d love to bring Christ to your breakfast table since you talk about him morning, noon, and night!”

6. For the loudmouth atheist:

Samuel Goldwyn / Affirm / Via

“A religious film? No way! It’s about a fireman. An inspirational fireman played by that kid from Growing Pains!”

7. For the infuriatingly impatient:

“Man, you’re going to have so much fun with this stuff… So much fun in six months.”

8. For the out-of-control party animal:

“Now don’t forget, Rayne. These are only for the bath!”

9. For the boastful Martha Stewart wannabe:

“Now you can stop struggling with all those complicated recipes and use your microwave!”

10. For the kid of the most annoying parent you know:

“Don’t worry about it losing power, lil’ Eddie. I put nine packs of extra batteries in there. It’ll be making all kinds of fun noises until the end of time!”

11. For the iPod-loving tech-head:

“What a haul! You’re going to have to find a way to make room next to your computer for all those glorious CD boxes!”

12. For the biggest right-wing a-hole you know:

“I know you like to keep things ‘fair and balanced,’ Uncle Wayne, so enjoy!”

13. For the biggest left-wing a-hole you know:

“Gee, I’m sorry, Uncle Wes, I saw the word ‘Democrats,’ and a blonde in a black dress and figured it was right up your alley!”

14. For your incompetent boss:

NBC / Via

“I thought you’d get a kick out of this since Michael Scott’s a boss, and you’re a boss…”

15. For the most rah-rah, over-the-top “patriot” you know:

“What’s that? The American flag is never supposed to touch the floor? Well, that would make this rug problematic, wouldn’t it?”

16. For the infuriatingly lazy and messy roommate:

“Now you can dust the apartment as you’re lounging around all day in your robe!”

17. For the super macho jerk:

“You’re going to love this gift certificate, Bluto! And don’t you worry about this place being like the ones your wife goes to. This one give MAN-icures!”

18. For the mean-spirited old person:

“You always gave me incredibly practical gifts, Aunt Mildred, so now I’m returning the favor.”

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