Changed a diaper?Changed a blowout diaper?Changed a blowout diaper on the side of the road?Changed a blowout diaper and then sat back down to eat without missing a beat?Been peed on?Pood on?Spit-up on?Barfed on?Bled on?Wiped your kid's nose with a Kleenex?With your shirt?With your hand?Gone a night without REM sleep?A week?A month?Forgotten what REM sleep even feels like?Shared a bed with your kid?Been kicked in the back by your kid when sharing a bed?In the face?In the tender region?Have you taken your kid to the bathroom in public?At a nasty gas station?At a packed sporting event?On the side of the freeway?Have you consumed baby food?Breast milk?Your baby's placenta?Finished your kid’s cookie that they’ve slobbered all over?Drank from a water bottle they’ve backwashed into?Touched your baby's soft spot?Touched your baby's soft spot without freaking out?Stepped on a Lego with your bare feet?Stepped on a Lego with your bare feet and kept walking like The Terminator?Sat through an entire episode of Barney?Sat through "Barney's Great Adventure: The Movie"?Sat through an entire live performance of "Barney On Ice"?Taken your kid to Chuck E. Cheese's?Thrown a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's?Stoically ate the pizza at Chuck E. Cheese's without complaining?Silenced your tantruming kid in public with a threat?Silenced your tantruming kid in public with just a look?Gone grocery shopping with your kid?Gone grocery shopping with more than one kid?Gone grocery shopping with more than one kid and a giant grocery list two hours before the Super Bowl and pulled it off like a boss?Told your kid you would leave if they did something, then actually left when they did it?Listened to your kid sing "Let It Go" from "Frozen" over and over (and over) without losing it?Waited in line for an hour and a half at Disneyland so your kid could meet a couple college girls pretending to be Elsa and Anna from "Frozen"?Stayed up until three a.m. wrapping Christmas gifts?Got up at six a.m. on Christmas morning after staying up until 3 a.m.?Listened to your kid ask "Why?" repeatedly and not get angry?Answered all of your kid's "Why's" until they ran out of questions and you won?Read the same bedtime story every night for a month with unwavering enthusiasm?Taken something away from your kid as punishment for a day?A week?A month?A year?Until their 21st birthday when you mailed it to them with a note that said, "Don't push me or I'll take it again."Tagged your kid in their baby photos when they act too old for their age on Facebook?Told your kid that you would pick them up whenever, wherever, no questions asked, if they ever needed a ride?Scared your kid's friends enough that they know not to get your kid in trouble?Made your sulky teenager take a family photo?Let the photo session go on way longer than necessary just to mess with your teenager?Turned up your music full blast and totally rocked out even if you do happen to be someone's mom or dad?
How Metal Of A Parent Are You?
You're not very metal, but that's okay. You've still got time to get your hands dirty and turn into the totally badass parent you know you can be.
You're pretty metal, and scare the crap out of the other parents down at the playground. You've still got room to be even more metal, though, so keep shredding.
You are the ultimate metal parent and not to be f'd with. Even Ozzy himself bows before you when it comes to raising kids. You are the definition of hardcore, my friend.