In fairness to kids, being born into this big ol’ world and then having to figure out how it all works is NOT easy.
With that said, for every moment that makes us parents think, Damn, my kid is genius!, there are just as many that make us go, Damn. My kid is NOT a genius.
A little while back, parents on Reddit discussed this very thing after u/burn_furries asked, “Parents, what was your ‘I raised an idiot’ moment?” Here are their hilarious responses:
1. "After I told my kid that carrots help you see in the dark, he went into the basement with a carrot and started waving it around like a flashlight."
2. "My 3-year-old was preparing for his bath when I noticed his underwear looked strange. He then took off one pair of underwear, a second pair, and then a third pair. When I asked him why he was wearing three pairs of underwear, he looked at me like I was an idiot and said, 'Mom told me to put on a clean pair every day.'"
3. "My dad’s moment for me came when I made him drive around with me because my car had been making a 'thunk' noise every time I made a turn. After 15 minutes, he announced it was the baseball bat in my trunk rolling around."
"My revenge came 20 years later when I was helping him figure out the rattle in his car — it was his sunglasses he'd put in his built-in sunglass holder."
4. "One of my daughters tried to insult the other by telling her how ugly she is. They’re identical twins."
5. "I used to tell my kids not to take off their shoes and socks in the car, especially on short trips. That way we didn't have to spend five minutes finding them and putting them back on before we ran into the store. Imagine a single dad trying to reshoe his two young kids in the grocery store parking lot in the middle of an Arizona summer — yuck. One day we went to the store, and my daughter was missing her shoe. It was nowhere to be found. She said, 'Daddy, I didn't want you to be mad that my shoe was off, so I threw it out the window.' Made sense to a 5-year-old, I guess."
6. "My 11-year-old son confidently informed me that he was pretty sure he knew everything there was to know, because he tried to think of something that he didn't know and couldn't think of anything."
7. "My 13-year-old son was sniffing really hard and moving his head all around the area he was standing in. Slightly concerned that he had lost his mind, I asked him what he was doing. He told me, 'I farted. I'm trying to smell it all up so you don't have to smell it.' He's a thoughtful idiot."
8. "My 16-year-old sister asked our mom, 'I know this might be a silly question, but what's 'brah-tood'?' My mom was like, 'What?' Turns out my sister thought that the 'brought to you by...' message on TV was 'brah-tood' — one word — and she'd wondered about it her whole life."
9. "My son was reading A Tale of Two Cities in the ninth grade when he complained to me that he was having a problem with the book because whenever he'd pick it up to continue reading it, he had to figure out where he left off last time. I was like, 'If only we had the technology — a way to mark the last place we read in a book — it would be so much easier!' Then I found him a bookmark to use."
10. "My brother couldn't remember the proper name for shoes, so he called them 'foot houses.' Mum said that day confirmed for her that at least one of her teenage children was a bit doughy up top."
11. "I asked my kids what the biggest dinosaur was, and my 15-year-old son said, 'Paleontologist' without skipping a beat. That's when I knew I was in trouble."
"Also, my friend told my 10-year-old that the dirt on the car tasted like candy, so he licked it. He tried to get his 6-year-old brother to do it, but even he wasn't falling for it."
12. "I asked my 14-year-old daughter if she could please bring me a piece of cake. She cut it, forgot why, then ate it."
13. "My son freaked out about 'breaking' our newly adopted cat. I asked him what the cat was doing wrong, because she looked fine to me. He said she was 'vibrating' when she sat on his lap. This is where he learned about cats purring. He hadn't been around a lot of cats, so idk."
14. "I'm the idiot kid in this one — when I was about 3, I would search the kitchen for some M&M's to eat, knowing I wasn't allowed to have them. Every time after I finished, I would go over to my mom and ask her, 'Did you hear me eating M&M's in the kitchen?' She would always reply, 'Yes,' and I would always get so frustrated because every time, I tried to be as stealthy as possible. I never realized what blew my cover until I grew older."
15. "We needed to leave, so I sent my 8-year-old son to put on some socks. I waited more than enough, then went to find him. He was in his room, wearing only his underwear, playing with Legos. He couldn't remember what I'd sent him after."
16. "My son knew there was a frozen pizza in the garage but couldn't find it. Didn't even think to check the freezer."
17. "I found out my daughter thought the Sistine Chapel was the 'Sixteen Chapel.' She's 21."
18. "When the Peter Pan peanut butter recall happened 10–12 years ago or so (due to salmonella), my 15-year-old daughter stopped in the living room to watch the news report about the salmonella outbreak. She got this 'aha' light bulb look and said, 'Oh, now I get it! It’s about peanut butter! All day at school I kept hearing Peter Pan was killing people around the country, and I thought he had turned bad or something and was now a villain.' I just stared at her, waiting for her to say she was joking and didn’t really think Peter Pan was real, but no, she just went upstairs to her room like we had had a normal conversation about normal, everyday events."
19. "My kid mistook a leaky radiator hose for smoke. No problem — it kind of looks the same. But then they continued to drive the car home, thinking it was on fire, and then pulled it into the garage that is attached to the house!"
