"I used to think clowns were a race of people just like any other."
"One day my little brother came out of the bathroom and said, 'Did you know that Bill Clinton slept with Monica Geller?!'"
"My son thinks 'potty train' is an actual train. He really wants to find that potty train."
"'Uptown funk' by Bruno Mars is 'Up down, funky butt' to my three-year-old."
"When I asked her what she was doing she said..."
"As a little kid, I always thought that dogs were boys and cats were girls."
"When my kid asked where babies come from I told her that two people fall in love and then do adult things together.
She said, 'Oh! Like bungee jumping!'"
"I thought the cops would come get me."
"I always wanted to have bangs as a little kid and was really upset because I thought you had to be born that way."
"...I didn't want them to get mad..."
My brother's name is Aaron. When he was five he was convinced that Aaron Carter was his brother because they shared the same first name."
Talk about method acting.
"I thought God had a wife named Gosh."
"I am too young! I am too young!"
"My five-year-old confuses germs with Germans. So when anyone gets sick he says, 'You must have Germans inside you.'"
"I thought she meant 'chick pee.'"
"My eight-year-old posed on a couch at Kohls and loudly announced that he looked like he was at the gynecologist. He meant psychiatrist."
"When I was a kid I didn't understand shift work."
"I used to think that steak fries were made of steak."
"As a child I thought..."
"I used to think there were bands at radio stations playing all the songs live."
"The Entire State building."
Not that kind of prick.
"When I was a kid I bawled my eyes out watching my parents' wedding video because they didn't invite me to their wedding. (I wasn't even born yet.)"
"I wondered why my mom was breaking the law all of the time."
"My kid asked how childproof caps know whether it's a child's or an adult's hand that's trying to open it."
"Who is this Stanley Steemer?!"
"I thought "in-laws" were family members who'd been in prison. When my mom referred to her sister-in-law, I always wondered what my aunt went to prison for."
"I thought she was being really harsh."
"When I was a kid I thought leprechauns lived in traffic light poles and were in charge of changing the colors of the lights."
"My kids are convinced that tampons are for sword fighting and that I just don't want them to have fun."
"I was mortified my parents would just set someone on fire..."
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