1.
My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn.
2.
Nobody on this train is decent enough to give up their seat for a pregnant woman & now I gotta stand here w/my sweater balled up in my coat.
3.
4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant. I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said: "I never want to do that again."
4.
![[walks into 4D ultrasound office]
Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women
Me: I just want to see my burrito again](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/601746114396557312/rN4GQDgH_normal.jpg)
[walks into 4D ultrasound office] Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women Me: I just want to see my burrito again
5.
I just left a voicemail and said " please call me back at your convenience. Amen." Instead of "goodbye". #pregnancybrain is real y'all
6.
3-year-old: Can the baby come out to play? Pregnant wife: No, honey. She's not ready yet. 3-year-old: Wife: 3-year-old: Babies are lazy.
7.
So, if you get pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?
8.
*pregnant wife wakes up* I think my water broke *I hide the Kool-Aid packet and water jug I spilled in bed* Let’s go to the hospital
9.
No. I'm not pregnant. That's my liver.
10.
You can't get pregnant from sex with a condom, only from sex with a person
11.
Dollar Tree pregnancy tests. For when you only want to be 35% sure.
12.
If you eat a pregnant girls food, you're required to have the baby for her
13.
This pregnancy has taught me: one jar of pickles is not enough. #pregnancyproblems @chrissyteigen
14.
"You're prettier than I remember, you were SO FAT the last time I saw you!" TY Uncle Bob, I was 8months pregnant. *spits in his pumpkin pie
15.
Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept? How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative.
16.
7-year-old upon learning I am pregnant: "It's the breastfeeding that will get ya. Breastfeeding is killer."
17.
That terrifying moment when your in the bath and can't see your vagina anymore ...😭 🔫#pregnancyproblems #knewthisdaywouldcome
18.
Even if you disagree with his politics you have to admit that for a second term president he doesn't even look pregnant.
19.
Don't ask a pregnant lady "do you know the sex?" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot
20.
I just started crying while watching a Post-It commercial. Pregnancy confirmed.
21.
Nine weeks and I can't fit into any of my pants. I bet Goodyear could make a killing if it launched a maternity wear line.
22.
Hey guys. Stop touching your wife's pregnant belly in pictures. We get it, you came in her.
23.
Post that you're pregnant on facebook: 88 likes and 31 comments. Tweet that you're pregnant on twitter: 2 stars and 491 unfollows
24.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
25.
My home pregnancy test came back negative. I guess my house is just getting fat.
26.
Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried.
27.
5-year-old: What happens if the baby pees? Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool
