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21 Parents Share Their Funniest Moments Raising Kids

"Sorry I punched you in your vagina, Daddy."

We recently asked the members of BuzzFeed Community to share the funniest things that ever happened to them as a parent:

1. "My toddler was talking to the cashier at the supermarket about her new baby brother — I'd just had a C-section a month earlier — when she decided to say, 'My brother came from my mommy's belly and I came from her vagina!'"



2. "When my 4-year-old daughter sang Miley Cyrus's 'Wrecking Ball' this way: 'You came in like oregano.'"


—Deidra Moses Lookingbill, Facebook

3. "At a restaurant, my 4-year-old daughter told the waitress that her hair looked beautiful. The waitress got a huge smile on her face and thanked her. As the waitress walked off, my daughter said, 'But not in the back.'"

Alejandro Slocker / Flickr: darthkao / Via Creative Commons


4. "My very outgoing 3-year-old daughter was having a conversation with a man who was balding. When he left she turned to me, very confused, and said, 'Mom, he's just a head!'"

Abadonian / Getty Images

5. "Kids are very, very literal."

Flickr: clemensv / Via Creative Commons

"I was getting my 4-year-old ready for bed when he informed me that he had a torpedo in his pants. Assuming he was talking about his penis, I replied, 'Is that what we're calling it now?' He then proceeded to take out a toy torpedo from his underwear. He had an actual torpedo in his pants."


6. "My 3-year-old son punched my husband in the crotch. I told him to go apologize and he said, 'Daddy, I'm sorry I punched you in your vagina.'"

7. "My first-grader was learning about mammals..."


"When I asked her, 'Are you a mammal?' she said 'no,' so I told her to look at her arm and see if there were any hairs on it. She replied, 'Whoa! I am a mammal. And Papa is REALLY a mammal!'"


8. "When my 2-year-old discovered my makeup at 3 a.m.:"

9. "The looks I got from the other moms made me laugh even more."

Flickr: aloha75 / Via Creative Commons

"At Chuck E. Cheese's my 2-year-old put his token into the 'Bob the Builder' ride but it didn't work. After sitting on it for about a minute he sighed, threw up his hands, and very loudly said 'Fuck it' before walking off."


10. "At Christmastime our 3-year-old went into his room and was being uncharacteristically quiet..."


"We went to check on him and discovered that he'd colored two-thirds of his body with a green sharpie. When we asked him why he did it he said, 'I just wanted to be the Grinch.'"


11. "When my 4-year-old said, 'What's a girl's penis called again? China?'"

Flickr: pirati / Via Creative Commons

12. "After learning where babies come from..."

"After learning where babies come from — and that she was created by her dad's sperm and my egg and her baby sister was made by her stepdad's sperm and my egg — my 6-year-old daughter said, 'Wow, that's nice that you gave them each a turn!'"


13. "My 3-year-old was saying good night to my husband when she slapped him! He asked her why she did that and she said 'Daddy, I was high-fiving your face.'"

14. "My sister's dog, Baxter, popped my 4-year-old daughter's brand-new ball. My daughter went inside and cried for like two minutes, then came back out and said, 'Baxter is a little dick!'"

Dreamworks Pictures

15. "What a little drama king."

Flickr: ashchand / Via Creative Commons

"I was driving through a parking lot and hit a speed bump a smidgen too fast. My 3-year-old son yelled out, 'OHHHHHH! MY SPLEEN!'"


16. "I was singing a goodnight song to my 3-year-old when he put his hand over my mouth and said, 'All done, Momma!'"

Paul Cotney / Getty Images

—Mary Shanks, Facebook

17. "I'd been trying to encourage my 2-year-old to use the toilet by offering him a treat, which led to my 4-year-old asking if he could get a treat for going like his brother..."

Flickr: donhomer / Via Creative Commons

"I told him 'no,' because he's a big boy and already knows how to use the toilet. The next time he had to go he peed all over the floor. When I asked him why he did that he told me, 'I just don't know how to use the toilet.'"

—Victoria Olson, Facebook

18. "I honestly have no clue where she picked that one up."

Flickr: katerha / Via Creative Commons

"My 3-year-old daughter was singing 'The Wheels on the Bus' when she suddenly busted out this verse: 'The daddies on the bus say, got no money, got no money, got no money!"


19. “I’m a Bernie Sanders supporter, and we have one of his signs in our front yard..."

Flickr: doctorow / Via Creative Commons

"Recently I was driving down the street with my 3-year-old when he pointed out another Sanders sign in someone else’s yard. I asked my son if he knew who Bernie Sanders was and he said, ‘Yeah… he sells signs.’”

—Lynne Carpenter, Facebook

20. "Out of the blue my niece walked into the kitchen, totally naked with a cup over her privates, and said, 'I'm a boy! See my penis?'"

Flickr: hyku / Via Creative Commons

21. "I was in the store with my recently potty-trained 2-year-old when she told me she needed to go potty, so we ran to the bathroom..."

Kirill Vorobyev / Getty Images

"She started doing her business as someone took the stall beside us. She asked if that lady was going potty too, and I told her she was. When the lady finished up, my daughter started clapping and shouted, 'You went potty all by yourself! Good job, lady!'"


Responses have been edited for length and clarity.

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