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21 Parents Share Their Funniest Moments Raising Kids

"Sorry I punched you in your vagina, Daddy."

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1. "My toddler was talking to the cashier at the supermarket about her new baby brother — I'd just had a C-section a month earlier — when she decided to say, 'My brother came from my mommy's belly and I came from her vagina!'"

3. "At a restaurant, my 4-year-old daughter told the waitress that her hair looked beautiful. The waitress got a huge smile on her face and thanked her. As the waitress walked off, my daughter said, 'But not in the back.'"

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5. "Kids are very, very literal."

Flickr: clemensv / Via Creative Commons

"I was getting my 4-year-old ready for bed when he informed me that he had a torpedo in his pants. Assuming he was talking about his penis, I replied, 'Is that what we're calling it now?' He then proceeded to take out a toy torpedo from his underwear. He had an actual torpedo in his pants."

alextribeca

7. "My first-grader was learning about mammals..."

Touchstone

"When I asked her, 'Are you a mammal?' she said 'no,' so I told her to look at her arm and see if there were any hairs on it. She replied, 'Whoa! I am a mammal. And Papa is REALLY a mammal!'"

heather123

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9. "The looks I got from the other moms made me laugh even more."

Flickr: aloha75 / Via Creative Commons

"At Chuck E. Cheese's my 2-year-old put his token into the 'Bob the Builder' ride but it didn't work. After sitting on it for about a minute he sighed, threw up his hands, and very loudly said 'Fuck it' before walking off."

ellessufan

10. "At Christmastime our 3-year-old went into his room and was being uncharacteristically quiet..."

Universal

"We went to check on him and discovered that he'd colored two-thirds of his body with a green sharpie. When we asked him why he did it he said, 'I just wanted to be the Grinch.'"

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12. "After learning where babies come from..."

picmonkey.com

"After learning where babies come from — and that she was created by her dad's sperm and my egg and her baby sister was made by her stepdad's sperm and my egg — my 6-year-old daughter said, 'Wow, that's nice that you gave them each a turn!'"

cristinar40dc0464f

14. "My sister's dog, Baxter, popped my 4-year-old daughter's brand-new ball. My daughter went inside and cried for like two minutes, then came back out and said, 'Baxter is a little dick!'"

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17. "I'd been trying to encourage my 2-year-old to use the toilet by offering him a treat, which led to my 4-year-old asking if he could get a treat for going like his brother..."

Flickr: donhomer / Via Creative Commons

"I told him 'no,' because he's a big boy and already knows how to use the toilet. The next time he had to go he peed all over the floor. When I asked him why he did that he told me, 'I just don't know how to use the toilet.'"

—Victoria Olson, Facebook

18. "I honestly have no clue where she picked that one up."

Flickr: katerha / Via Creative Commons

"My 3-year-old daughter was singing 'The Wheels on the Bus' when she suddenly busted out this verse: 'The daddies on the bus say, got no money, got no money, got no money!"

hollystrenad

19. “I’m a Bernie Sanders supporter, and we have one of his signs in our front yard..."

Flickr: doctorow / Via Creative Commons

"Recently I was driving down the street with my 3-year-old when he pointed out another Sanders sign in someone else’s yard. I asked my son if he knew who Bernie Sanders was and he said, ‘Yeah… he sells signs.’”

—Lynne Carpenter, Facebook

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21. "I was in the store with my recently potty-trained 2-year-old when she told me she needed to go potty, so we ran to the bathroom..."

Kirill Vorobyev / Getty Images

"She started doing her business as someone took the stall beside us. She asked if that lady was going potty too, and I told her she was. When the lady finished up, my daughter started clapping and shouted, 'You went potty all by yourself! Good job, lady!'"

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Responses have been edited for length and clarity.

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