Skip To Content

    17 Hilarious Parent Confessions That Prove Kids Don't Stand A Chance

    In public: "I WOULD NEVER!" In private: "Yeah, I'd probably do that."

    We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share their dirty little secrets as parents. They didn't β€” LOL β€” disappoint:

    1. β€œMy 6 year old refused to dress appropriately for the weather, so I lost it and said, β€˜If you don't wear your scarf, you'll get frostbite on your neck and your head will fall off!’"


    2. "I hide chocolate, cookies, and other stuff I don't want to share with my kids in a tampon box. The hubs doesn't look in there either, lol."



    3. "My friend's troublemaking 14-year-old brother has multiple severe allergies, so his mom lied and told him he's allergic to all alcohol too."



    4. "I work overtime to convince my daughters (ages 3 and 9) to watch My Little Pony because I am hooked on the story."


    5. "I used to hide the dinner my kids wouldn't eat in ice cream. Peas are especially good because they look like lollies (candy). The dinner below was a sausage."



    6. "When I don't want to share something I'm eating I just tell my daughter that it's really spicy."


    7. "I told my two-and-a-half year old that if he didn't get out of the bath tub he would turn into a fish β€” and if he was a fish he would have to live alone in the ocean without his friends or family."


    8. "I told my kids that their ears turn red when they lie. Now when they tell a lie their first instinct is to cover their ears, and when they tell the truth they proudly show them off.”



    9. "Whenever we go to a restaurant, I order my son chicken strips and french fries low-key knowing he's not going to finish them."

    classy-wraps / Via


    10. "I’ve pretended the baby is still breastfeeding so my husband will do things for me."


    11. "When my toddler misbehaves at the grocery store, I tell him I'm going to throw him in the lobster tank, and then I park the cart right next to it."

    amesschiavone / Via


    12. "My mum once told me that if I used her expensive shampoo I would go bald."


    13. "I drop my kids off early at daycare so I can have some time to clean β€” but I usually end up getting a much more needed few hours of sleep."


    14. "When my daughter starts acting up, I turn on the vacuum and watch her run away and scream."

    15. "I told my 12-year-old daughter that I broke my back and couldn't stand up after six o'clock so she would make hot dogs and mac and cheese for dinner. It only worked for two weeks, but it was a nice break."



    16. "I told my kid it's against the law to have popsicles before noon."

    Fox Searchlight

    17. "When my daughter was little and we ran out of milk, I convinced her that having juice in her cereal was a treat."


    β€”Jan Spensley, Facebook

    Want to be featured in similar BuzzFeed posts? Follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter!

    Some answers have been condensed for length and clarity.

    Want awesome parenting tips in your inbox twice a week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form