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We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed and Microsoft may collect a share of sales from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.
1. A mini journal to jot down not-humble-at-all opinions. A tell-all diary for one's innermost thoughts, if you will.
2. A customized magnet of your face. You know, to stare back at your S/O every time they open their fridge.
3. Hamil-toe socks that imply "I would love to get you tickets to see Hamilton, but I don't have a million dollars to spare."
4. A facial mist infused with green tea, cucumber, and aloe. This gives dull, tired skin a quick pick-me-up.
5. A passport cover for the world traveler who needs to get kicked off of Instagram. And no, I'm not jealous.
6. An illustrated book containing a whole bunch of weird facts. For example, vikings never wore those weird hats.
7. A cat beanie guaranteed to keep ears alllll around the world prr-fectly warm and cozy this holiday season.
8. Enamel pins to be shared between between best mates. Hatred is the gorilla glue that holds friendships together, after all.
9. A personal library kit for the friend who always lends their beloved books. So kind, so generous, but they never get said books back.
10. A quirky book featuring — you guessed it! — weird animals. Point to the blobfish. Point to your friend. Tell them you see the resemblance.
11. A holographic shopper bag rumored to have been stolen from a mermaid. Apparently, it was Ariel's.
12. Thriller-inspired Michael Jackson socks known to bewitch all feet. They'll force them to moonwalk, for example.
13. Plane-shaped tea bags you should purchase with caution. They often fly away right before you intend on using them.
14. A leather keychain for anyone who has ever said "To hell with you, earphone tangles!" This'll get rid of 'em, once and for all.
15. A hand-painted necklace depicting the constellation associated with your horoscope. #ScorpioForever
16. A Bob's Burgers cookbook featuring 75 burger recipes whipped up by the great Bob Belcher himself.
17. An assortment of sheet masks perfect for at-home spa days. We're talking lime, pomegranate, tea tree, and acai ones.
18. An embroidered top that you'll intend on giving to your friend...but will probably keep it for yourself.
19. A heat-changing Mr. Rogers mug perfect for the friendly neighbor who's kind enough to say good morning...
20. An insult generator that lets you mock your enemies with Shakespearean wit. You obscene rump-fed hornbeast, you.
21. Or a magnetic dress up kit to dress old Billy Shakespeare: to wear or not to wear, THAT is the question.
22. An all-natural, gluten-free cocoa mix made with bittersweet cocoa, cayenne chile, cinnamon bark, and cane sugar.
23. A large sticker you'll want to give to your meanest friend. I know I am. It's already in my shopping cart.
24. A sloth plush perfect for people who are never home. Sloths require minimal exercise, so they won't have to take it for too many walks.
25. An honest wall clock perfect for the friend who doesn't understand what the word "punctuality" means.
Me, after my friends get me any of the above gifts. Hint hint.
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