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17 Savage Things Grandmas Have Actually Fucking Said

"You’re not fat, you just look like a baby whale."

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We once asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the most savage things their grandmas have ever said and they delivered. Since the submissions were so good, we decided to share 17 more with you.

1. The independent woman:

"My great-grandma was in the hospital and when she went to go to the bathroom her nurse said, 'Catherine, do you want help?' My great grandma says, 'No, I don't need your help. I've been wiping my own pussy for 90 years.'"

—Samantha Leigh Sundberg, Facebook

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2. The realist:

"One time I walked in on my grandma putting on her bra and she turned around and said, 'Don't be scared. Your tits will hang to the floor one day too.'"

—Raynise Nikita Massinburg, Facebook

3. The howler:

"Early on while dating my wife, we took my grandmother to a concert. As we were leaving she belted out, 'Nothing turns me on like a full moon!' She then proceeded to howl at the moon for an uncomfortable amount of time."

—Bryan Nye, Facebook

4. The one with the last word:

"My grandma told me, while lying in her actual death bed, 'You need to stop wearing your hair like that.'"

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5. The buffet bully:

"My grandma politely told a woman in front of her at a buffet-style restaurant, 'You know, if you washed your pussy more often you wouldn't need to wear so much perfume to cover up the smell.'"

—Sabrina Tharpe-Cole, Facebook

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6. The bilinguist:

"My grandma was speaking to my grandpa in Spanish in line at a grocery store. Some lady behind her said, 'Learn how to speak English. We're in America.' My grandma turned around and said, 'Fuck you! Is that enough English for you motherfucker?!'"

—Erica Catalan, Facebook

7. The baby talker:

"Gramma holding my newborn: 'Where did you come from?? You are so beautiful! There’s no way THOSE two made you!!!'"

mrschristinammartinez

8. The Erectile Dysfunction specialist:

"My brother said, 'There are too many ads for Viagra on TV.' My 92-year-old grandmother replied, 'That’s because when there’s snow on the roof, there’s a fire in the furnace!'"

mandac4

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9. The gift giver:

"My now ex-husband's Mamaw gave me a new belt once when we were visiting. She said to me, 'This belt is so big it will NEVER fit me, but I figured it will fit you just fine.'"

—Susan Rumpke Root, Facebook

10. The therapist:

"I was once having a very serious discussion with my grandma about my depression, and in the middle of our conversation she set down a bowl of Raisin Bran and a cup of coffee in front of me and said, 'Down these and go take a shit. You'll feel better.'"

—Tori Renee Barber, Facebook

11. The honest one:

"When I got my first piercing my grandma said, 'You used to have such a beautiful face.'"

tatiatimotimehs

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12. The drugged-up one:

"Once, after my grandma had hip surgery and was on some heavy drugs, she said to me, 'You’re not fat, you just look like a baby whale.'"

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13. The hair critic:

"One day after school, a friend and I were looking at our school photos that we had just gotten back. My great grandma walks in the room, takes a look at my friend's photo and says, 'Well, at least you know to never do your hair like that again.'"

—Marylyn Folino, Facebook

14. The biased one:

"After finding out my new baby cousin was going to be a boy, my grandma said in front of the whole family, 'Don't get me wrong, granddaughters are good but grandsons are better.' I'm her only granddaughter."

—Allison Walker-Wheatley Young, Facebook

15. The bridal consultant:

"One of my cousins was planning her wedding and she told my great-grandmother that she wanted a strapless dress. My lovely great-grandmother said, 'You better get some tits first.'

torchedhalo

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16. The visionary:

"When my nana found out about my brother’s tattoo she said, 'I’m going to get one across my ass that says, ‘Been there, done that!’'”

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17. And the baby hater:

"I was eating lunch with my grandma at a local restaurant and a baby started to cry. She glanced in that direction and said, 'Can someone give that kid a plastic bag to play with?'"

—Lisa Snellings Sato, Facebook

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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