"The geometric proportions of my face are perfect in every way but one. My nose is too small. I mean, it still works. I can smell things. I just have to be a lot closer than most people."
"I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog."
“I am fast. To give you a reference point, I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose…and a panther.”
A promotionA pay raiseExtra vacation daysA company car
A pay raise
"I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise."
Boo BerryFranken BerryCount ChoculaHe doesn't eat cereal, only beets
"Count Choculitis…why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?"
Locking Mose in the cellarNot saving the excess oil from a tuna canShooting his neighbor's dog that he thought was a werewolfDigging a horse's grave that was too shallow
Not saving the excess oil from a tuna can
"I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna."
"You know what's better than a triceratops? Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed."
Dwight: "We have three rooms, each with a different theme." Pam: "What are the themes?" Dwight: "America, Irrigation and Nighttime."
The Overkill KillerThe Beet BanditScranton Strangler IIThe Karate King
The Overkill Killer
"No, I would never leave you for dead. You would never escape. I would make sure that you were dead. First, I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified. And they would call me the Overkill Killer."
"'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it 'murder' and not 'mukduk.'"