Things No One Tells You When You Move Out For The First Time

The cereal for dinner struggle is real.

1. Your half ass renting dream turns into a reality...OVERNIGHT

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You go from casually checking craigslist and zillow in neighborhoods where you think you might want to live; until an apartment falls into your lap somehow and you have to race to get it. You barely realize what you are doing until your lease is signed, and then you are like...

2. It may say only $500 deposit, but they lie.

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Once you get through all the hidden fees no one tells you about, (and if you're 30, like me) you are wondering if your eggs are still viable enough to sell on the black market for some cash. Because, this shit has tallied up to a ridiculous amount no one was expecting.

3. Besides your bed, you don't have much else to bring with you

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If you were like me, you took one look around your bedroom and were like... "none of this shit is coming with me!". So you resign to the fact that you are going to have to start from scratch and buy EVERYTHING.

4. ...Which by the way...it's expensive AS FUCK :(

Your first run to Target was supposed to be for "necessities", and $650 later you have a trunk full of paper towels, light bulbs, batteries and cleaning supplies. And then you leave and realize SHIT I FORGOT TOILET PAPER. This is going to be brutal. I haven't even gotten to furniture yet.

5. Coffee Tables cost HOW MUCH?

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After I looked at Pier 1 (HAHA), I found my way to Kmart where I found something that was under $100 and could fit a glass of wine on it. Good enough.

6. You can't ask "What's for dinner?" anymore

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In my parentally-minded days, I would text Mom or Dad to see what I could expect upon my triumphant return from work and actually have it ready for me when I walked in (love you guys!). Now, my boyfriend and I realize we didn't take anything out of the freezer to defrost and now we are having cereal for dinner.

....Which by the way we got a bulk order of Frankenberry cereal that we do not AT ALL mind eating all the time. But we never have milk. Fuck.

7. You have more condiments in your fridge than real food

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We have a total of about 11 hot sauces, 2 different kinds of mayo, BBQ Sauce, Ranch and Italian Salad Dressings, and exactly one package of salami in the fridge. Finding a way to make a meal out of a bottle has become your new skill, and you have become a level-expert ninja on these concoctions.

8. Your neighbors are assholes.

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Moving from your parent's house to an apartment building takes some adjusting. And one of the reasons why is because you suddenly hear everyone's lives going on around, to the side, and above your apartment. We were in our new place exactly one week before we had a psychopath upstairs chant "I'M GONNA MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL". Sharing a wall with a bunch of people is a hilarious way to get to know your new neighbors. However, you can totally tell they are a bunch of assholes and everything they do pisses you off.

9. You will learn to push the expiration date on items in your fridge

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I don't wanna make him feel bad, but my boyfriend did feed me expired eggs. And I threw up. Went to open the fridge, and realized the milk also went WAY BAD while we were away from the weekend. I don't wanna be dramatic either, but I definitely almost died and I definitely almost saw the light.

10. Rent.

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Not as cheap as it sounded when you signed the lease. And you have to pay it. Every month. Every single month.

11. Taking a shower alone is now scary

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You used to relish in the idea of an empty house shower. You could take as long as you wanted, sing as loud as you could and drink a beer in there without judgement. Now, all you can hear is imaginary people breaking into your apartment to take the imaginary furniture that you have.

12. You suddenly care if things are clean

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Maybe it's because we are just one month in, but I now have to have shit straightened up. My bedroom at my parent's house was a disaster area, and I didn't care. Now, I care about the coasters being used, the shoes being off the couch and I now definitely care that my boyfriend leaves his pants on the dining room table.

13. Dishes are now a relationship battle

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I used to think doing dishes was not that bad. That's when i did my own. And there were like, 5 of them. Now it's like 138 dishes, we argue over who did them last, and I get water all over my shirt like it's a wet belly contest.

14. It's the best thing ever.

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With all the money problems, neighbor fights, utility bill nightmares that you endure; there is absolutely nothing better than walking in your door and knowing that this place is YOURS. And it's even better if you can share it with your best friend.