38 Things That Make You A Trailrunner

Forget concrete, white socks, and avoiding cars pulling out of driveways. Some of us prefer braving Mother Nature and the guys from “Deliverance” out on the trails.

1. You have an aversion to white socks

2. You know the location of every meth lab in the county

3. You’ve invented your own deer fly trap

4. You’ve had at least one run-in with a snake

9. You know that feeling when you suddenly realize the color of the blazes have changed, but you don’t know when they did

10. At least one person in your circle has a story that starts off, “That time I kinda got struck by lightning…”

11. You can pee standing up — and you’re female

12. You fly gracefully through the air after a bad toe-catch on a root

13. You can do distance meteric conversions quickly in your head — and you’re American

14. You have long discussions about the merits of sticky rubber, and aren’t talking about sex

16. Running in extreme and adverse weather conditions is just plain old fun

17. You’ve stripped to your birthday suit standing in snow on the shoulder of a logging road

18. You’ve shared berries with bunnies

19. You know the secret to killing chiggers

20. You know there is no secret to killing ticks

21. You eat beans and rice half the month so you can buy more shoes

22. You’ve read “Born to Run” and have a strong opinion about it

23. You know who the real Zombies are

24. And that Dirty Girl Gaiters aren’t lingerie

25. You think the Western States 100 webcast is more exciting than the Super Bowl

26. You’re caught between mocking Hokas and kinda wanting a pair

27. You’re caught between mocking Merrell’s Trail Gloves and kinda wanting a pair

28. You finish long runs with blood trickling from at least one place on your body

29. Your significant other has banned your trail shoes from the house

30. You hose yourself off before going inside

31. You gave up trying to keep your car clean years ago

32. You know what a Horton Mile is

33. You carry bypass pruners in your hydration pack

34. You know the capacity of a hydration pack is just a suggestion, like Italian speed limits

35. Eating food covered in blood and dirt and sweat is normal

36. You’ve run on a trail at night at least once

37. You see an empty gel pack littering the trail and immediately think, ROAD RUNNER!

38. You know the joy of jumping into a cool river or lake after a hot summer run

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