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1. A memory foam seat cushion with cooling gel that'll support your bum and relieve pressure on your tailbone. Reviewers say it also helps relieve lower back pain.
2. A Squatty Potty, because a bout of constipation shouldn't leave you down in the ~dumps~. Squatting changes the angle of your anal canal, opening it up so it's easier for things to exit.
3. A color-changing, motion-activated toilet light so you're not stumbling around the bathroom at 3 a.m.
4. A heated toilet seat to treat your tush like royalty.
5. A Fohm dispenser if you enjoy the clean feeling you get when using wipes but want to avoid the clogged pipes and pesky microplastics. Fohm's touch-free dispenser automatically deposits the perfect dollop of cleanser and turns your TP into "flushable wipes" that won't harm marine life.
6. A bidet for anyone looking to break up with toilet paper. With a bidet, you can save on TP and enjoy the feeling of a machine cleaning your bum — and that is one job I am happy to let the robots have.
7. A Forever Roll you'll only have to replace every few months or so depending on how many people you live with instead of every freaking week.
8. A pair of soft, stretchy, breathable, funky-colored underwear that'll have you posing for an impromptu photoshoot because OMFG your butt in these panties deserves to be celebrated.
9. A pair of super soft high-waisted leggings, because your body — and butt — deserves this level of comfort. Wear them to the gym, dress them up with a blazer for work, dress them down with sneakers for a day of running errands, or use them as a warm layer under thicker pants during the winter. More than 6,000 people have given them a five-star review and say they're definitely opaque so you can live your best life without worrying about showing everyone your underwear.
10. Or leather leggings so you and your 🍑 can feel luxe but also like you're wearing the world's softest pajama pants (yes, they're that comfy!).
11. A butt mask to take your self-care routine from head to toe. Each mask does something different, from firming and illuminating to brightening and rejuvenating.
12. A benzoyl peroxide body wash if buttne has you hiding your booty. Benzoyl peroxide is an antimicrobial agent that targets the bacteria on your skin that causes acne and also helps clear out your pores.
13. Or a grapefruit body wash with salicylic acid you'll reach for every time you shower. It's made with 2% salicylic acid to treat acne (even buttne) and beads to gently exfoliate your skin.
14. A splurge-worthy acne spray that'll tell your butt pimples to scram while also reducing pore size, calming breakouts, exfoliating dead skin, and smoothing bumpy skin.
15. A body scrub because babies aren't the only people who deserve deliciously soft bottoms. It's made with a nourishing mixture of hydrating oils that'll polish your booty skin and give it a healthy glow.
16. An extra long exfoliating cloth so you can scrub every nook, cranny, and crack. The special weave pattern of the fabric makes it soft on your skin yet tough on dead skin and dirt.
17. A body exfoliant with beta hydroxy acids (BHAs) to lightly exfoliate the skin and remove any dead, dull skin cells that are clogging your pores (and likely causing your buttne).
18. A lightweight body cream if you love a firm, toned butt.
19. An aluminum-free deodorant for when "down there" doesn't smell so fresh. Obviously you should talk to your doc if your private parts smell funky, but this is an option if they've cleared you of any health conditions and you're still put off by any odors.
20. A heated back and neck messager you'll want to use everywhere — including your butt.
21. A cat butt coloring book so you can laugh about the hilarity of having a butt.
22. Or a humorous dog butt coloring book you'll need ASAP if you're a doggo devotee.
23. A memory foam bean bag that'll keep your butt cozy and create a relaxing cocoon.
You need these things, no ifs, ands, or butts!
Looking for more great Amazon finds? Check out some of our favorite cheap things to buy on Amazon, some of the weirdest things on Amazon you might actually want, or read through all the rest of our incredible Amazon product recommendations.
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