A Former Cult Member Is Sharing Signs Of A Toxic, Cult-Like Workplace — And Many Are More Subtle (And Common) Than You Might Think

"I'm not saying everyone or every company who does this has bad intentions of creating a cult environment, but it can be. It's a slippery slope."

Recently, I asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share the most cult-like things they've witnessed at work, because unfortunately, these kinds of dynamics are not that uncommon on the job. Their stories really show how subtle and insidious cult-style manipulation can be, and they also serve as a great reminder to be aware of how cults work and to keep your guard up when you see the telltale signs.

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After the post went up, I heard from Debora Giannone, a former member of the NXIVM cult. She made a reaction video talking about how the BuzzFeed Community stories reflected her experiences and red flags to watch out for.

Debora Giannone / Via youtube.com

Editor's note: BuzzFeed Unsolved just published a new episode of Rise & Fall all about the NXIVM cult. Check it out here.

Debora was also kind enough to sit down for a chat with me to talk more about the kinds of cult red flags we should all be looking out for at work and in the world. And to give some more examples, I've also included more stories about cult-like behavior at work that people shared in the comments. Here are the red flags of cult manipulation that Debora shared with me:

Because I write mostly about work and money, this post uses lots of workplace examples, but these dynamics can pop up in other places, too — like a club, a sports team, or even in a controlling relationship. As Debora says in her video, "You don't have to be in a cult to be in a cult."

1. Everything seems amazing...at first.

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Debora recalls that when she went to her first NXIVM event, she was struck by how over-the-top warm and welcoming everyone was. Like, so friendly that it felt a little off. She says, "Everyone was just so excited to meet me. Like, 'Hi, how are you???' and just so excited. I mean, I'm an open person, but not like that."

Psychologists call this kind of behavior love bombing. It's when someone showers you with praise or acts overly interested in you to get you to let your guard down. Love bombing commonly occurs in the beginning of an unhealthy relationship with an individual or a group. It can also recur if they sense you pulling away — which keeps people from leaving the group.

Here's a story from a reader that shows what love bombing can look like in action:

"Not a job, but I was in cheer. I had an emotionally and verbally abusive coach. She often yelled at us and said we were stupid idiots, we needed to use our brains, and that she’d make us run laps around the football field if we yawned in her presence. 

"Several girls, including myself, had concussions, and she’d force us to keep practicing, though we couldn’t move our necks and were seeing stars. 

"However, when she could feel we were going to rebel or quit, she’d talk about how much she loved us and how amazing we were. 

"It was definitely trauma bonding, and I felt guilty any time my mom talked to the school and would beg her not to ‘bother’ my coach. She was fired after two years, and our team is still damaged from her."

—diaphanous_dreams

2. They want to get really close to you really quickly.

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Debora says that the way others in the group were opening up prompted her to start sharing parts of herself that she wouldn't usually so early on. "That's why I connected to the people. They were so honest about what they were feeling, it was really refreshing. I felt seen and safe."

But looking back, she now feels like this intimacy was used as a tool to learn more about her and control her. "You feel like, 'They love me, they understand me,' but at the same time, they push your limits. It's a very subtle thing."

And here's a story from a reader that shows how oversharing and intimacy can be manipulated in a toxic workplace:

"I worked at a salon. They had regular team meetings where the main topic of discussion was to push us to overshare our deepest stresses and feelings from our personal lives so my boss could jump in and provide manipulative advice and use it as ammo for later. Someone always cried. 

"I had coworkers come to me for advice about something they said in the meeting later being used against them or as a cruel joke. It was pseudo-group therapy. 

"She also had one on one meetings where she would try to push people to talk poorly about coworkers. Whoever talked more became her new favorite. 

"She began to dislike me when I stopped wanting to participate in work dinners and holiday events (it was just expected to attend all). There is so much more, but I can't say it all. 

"We were a 'family,' but I got wrongfully terminated during recovery from a back injury on the job and am currently pursuing legal action. 

"She's getting all my former coworkers to lie about me and fabricate made up situations to make me appear in the worst light imaginable to try to save her own ass. I feel sorry for them; they are brainwashed and fearful of her."

—judyc4b944c183

3. Your coworkers all use language in a distinctly odd kind of way.

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Debora says that right away in NXIVM, she was introduced to new definitions for words like "responsibility" and "victim." "Words were redefined right away," she says. "It's weird now in hindsight, because why was that the first thing they wanted to talk about?"

Cults often use specific language as a way of defining their group and creating a feeling of connection, according to Amanda Montell, author of Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism. In her book, Montell writes, "Language is a way to get members of a community on the same ideological page. To help them feel like they belong to something big."

And here's a story from a reader that shows what cult-like language can look like at work:

"I interviewed at a place that was obsessed with this one 'corporate motivation' book. They used all the lingo. They had daily morning meetings about the book where someone would read the 'daily passage' (yes, just like the Bible). They said they would only hire people who aligned with the ideals of the book. It was weird. I noped my way right out of that job."

—PHM8

4. And there are chants or rituals pretty much every day.

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Similar to how language can steer people into thinking a certain way, Debora says that things like chants or songs can be appealing because they can create a really powerful bonding experience.

"You do that as a child by the way, when you're playing with your friends. It's a primal thing," she explains. "So, all the mantras and the scripts and all those things are to create closeness and intimacy and a sense of belonging. And also feeling understood, like, 'If we talk the same way, that means this person understands me.' But they might not." She says.

And here's a story from a reader that shows how chants and rituals can show up at work:

"As soon as I read the headline, my first thought was of an MLM I worked at for two days when I was a naive college kid. Hired me on the spot with literally no job description. The first day was an hour of chanting stupid affirmations. Next thing I knew, I was in a subway tunnel in sub-freezing conditions trying to get donations for a random charity that I DIDN'T work for. I smacked myself, told the team leader that I had to use the restroom, and never looked back. Run far, run fast."

—mciaccio92

5. After you've been working there for a while, you realize that dissent is discouraged or even punished. There's a lot of toxic positivity.

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Debora recalls that whenever she expressed discomfort with things that were happening in the group, it would be turned around on her. "They would be like, 'Well, there's something for you to look at.' ... It was always on you. They called it your 'inner deficiency.'"

This kind of blaming and shaming encourages people to fall in line with the group's ideology, and it can also be used to cover up harm. This phenomenon is also known as groupthink, which is when people go along with things they don't even necessarily believe are right because they feel like they can't disagree. And the need to always put a happy face on whatever is going on within the group can also result in toxic positivity.

And this reader's story shows what this behavior often looks like at work:

"I worked for a car finance place that was a branch of a bank. I got the job through a friend that had worked there, and while it wasn't a red flag at the time, she was always boasting about how much she loved it. It just felt very Stepford — everyone as happy robots mindlessly doing their jobs. Everyone had an 'I love my job' cup, mug, sticker, or something of that nature on their desks or clipboards. And 80% of people wore the company logo as a hat, shirt, or sweater.

"What made it feel really cultish was any time anyone griped or said something negative, people would swoop in and say, 'No, you're doing great! This is a GREAT PLACE TO WORK! OMG, WE'RE ALL SO HAPPY, AREN'T WE? AREN'T WE?' with huge plastic smiles."

—witchyribbon84

6. They encourage you to overwork because you have to work really hard if you want to change the world. But at the same time, everyone's being way underpaid.

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Debora says that there was always an emphasis on working as hard as possible in NXIVM because members were told that what they were doing was going to change the world. "They would overwork you, but at the same time, they gave you this sense of, like, 'You're doing great, even if it's uncomfortable to you because of your inner deficiency.' ... They'll say, 'What, you don't want the betterment of the world? How dare you be tired.'"

By telling people that their work is tremendously important and bigger than themselves, these kinds of organizations are able to guilt workers into pushing past their boundaries and accepting less than they deserve in compensation.

And here's a story from a reader that shows how this kind of manipulation can look at work:

"Teaching IS a cult. My minor was in psychology, and I did a LOT of research on cult tactics. So, when I started teaching, I immediately saw the signs. 

"Teachers and admin talk about teaching like it’s a spiritual calling. They isolate you from family and friends through guilt tactics to make you work longer. They pressure you to spend your free time at school events or sponsoring clubs, you’re pressured to spend all your money on your classroom and students, and the toxic positivity is so bad that we’re afraid to show how miserable we are! 

"Professional development is one of the WORST examples of it. I’ve been in so many PD sessions were teachers are basically forced to trauma bond. 

"The last one I was in, we were asked to bring a 'totem' that was important to us and explain it. That opened up some wounds, and I could see how much admin was enjoying it, while not participating at all. Teaching is a cult."

—abigaeljoyceanderson

7. The company is super-obsessed with presenting a good image and how they're perceived by outsiders.

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Debora says that NXIVM higher-ups were very concerned with the group's public image while also hiding and ignoring harm the group was doing to members. And she sees parallels to that in the way that many corporations behave. 

"It's a marketing thing," she says. "And it makes [the company] look good, but what's really going on behind closed doors? What I want readers to understand is, [you have to] look at their actions. If their actions don't speak to betterment and joy and compassion, then how are they going to achieve that? It makes no logical sense."

And here's a story from a reader that shows what this can look like at work:

"I worked at a company that gives cult vibes. We had a meeting where we watched the cofounder doing a big media interview and talking about how he got to where he is now and what he’s doing for our city. The comments were flooded with 'we love you, Dan' 'he’s so awesome' 'I love this company' 'Dan is amazing.' 

"While that seems standard, the whole company wants you to believe you have a great job with great benefits, but they overwork you and want you to be grateful."

—mmcdon18

8. The job starts to take over your life.

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Thanks to the prevalence of hustle culture, especially in the US, many jobs come with the expectation that workers will be always on and available to answer calls and emails 24/7. Debora says that within NXIVM, there was a similar practice known as check-ins. "The coaches had a thing called check-ins. The check-in is a text, and within 60 seconds, you have to reply back and say, 'Ready.' At all hours. And I hated that. I watched my friends who were coaches and was like, 'I don't want that. I'm never doing that.'" 

She says these demands keep people on edge and worried about work, whether they're on or off the clock. "With this constant availability, you can't relax. It does something to your nervous system." It's a subtle example of how a group can start to dominate your time, but it's not the only way it can happen at work.

Here's a story from a reader whose workplace used social events and long hours to take over workers' time:

"Literally EVERY startup. The one I worked for in particular sold questionable credit card processing to businesses and takes a percentage of small business’ credit card income while also touting how they ‘support small businesses.’ It felt so scammy. 

"They recruited young adults with little to no qualifications or people who were in rough places financially or legally, so that these people would be trapped because they thought they wouldn’t find a better job if they left. 

"Instead of paying competitively, they threw company parties and served alcohol at work — which the young people think is cool until they realize they need money and good benefits. 

"Also, they expected everybody to work insane overtime with no extra pay and promised to pay them handsomely when they finally struck it big. So wild."

—barbara7009

9. When you leave (or see others go), former employees are disparaged or shunned.

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A classic cult warning sign is when there are big exit costs for leaving a group, such as shunning and character assassination. Debora says she saw this happen, too, within NXIVM. "Everyone who left was called the devil. They talked about certain people as 'defectors' and said not to listen to them."

At work, this might look like people getting fired for putting in their two weeks notice, being talked about negatively for leaving, and being dumped by their former "work friends" when they move on to new opportunities. 

Finally, Debora wants to encourage people to listen to their intuition. She credits her intuition with helping her to see the signs that it was time to leave NXIVM when another member invited her to join DOS, another secret group within the organization that branded women and demanded high levels of control. Debora says, "My intuition was on, and that's really what they want you to shut down."

She says tactics like gaslighting were used to make members feel insecure and stop trusting their feelings. But she urges people to stay in tune with their inner voice and listen when it says, "Run!"

"We were told that [intuition] is just some woowoo bullshit and not to be emotional," Debora says. "But intuition is very important. It's not talked about enough."

Have you ever worked somewhere that felt a bit like a cult? Share your experiences in the comments.

And make sure to check out our new series Rise & Fall on BuzzFeed Unsolved where we dive deeper into cults and the influences they have on unsuspecting societies. The most recent episode is all about NXIVM and the brainwashing the movement had on America’s elite.

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Tune in Saturday, September 24 for a new episode addressing the Manson Family.