Hi, it's me, Megan. I'm the personal finance editor here at BuzzFeed, and welcome back to Money with Megan, where we talk through the sticky work and money situations that keep us up at night.
I'm trying a new mailbag format this week, so we have three letters to talk about, starting with a question from a 32-year-old woman in New York who's afraid that her income is scaring away potential partners. Here's what she wrote:
"How much does money matter when dating? I am a woman in a power position, and I make about $150K–$200K a year in a creative profession. Most of the men I date make around $50K–$60K, and I become really intimidating to them very early. They also assume I want a higher-earning lifestyle, when honestly most of my best friends also make about $60K a year and I'm a huge saver."
"How can I be less intimidating? Or is that not what I should focus on? On the other hand, when dating comparable-earning men, they don't understand my creative position and fear the creative side. I feel like I can't win, and would love some advice."
My response...
To be completely honest, these insecure dudes who can't handle your success are doing you a favor by removing themselves from your life and not wasting any more of your time. Making that kind of money as a creative is incredibly hard, and I'm sure it was a long road to get there. If they can't celebrate your wins, you don't need 'em! Bubye!!!
Imagine having a partner who quietly resents it when you're doing well, or worse, actively sabotages you because their sad little ego can't handle your accomplishments. Gross. I would rather be alone for a million years than share my life with someone who undermines me, devalues my contributions, and takes my success as some kind of personal affront to his fragile baby masculinity. That's not a partner; that's an anchor who will only drag you down.
The good news is, it's 2022, not 1885. Lots and lots of women outearn their male partners, and lots and lots of men have absolutely no problem with it. Hell, some guys freaking LOVE being with a badass boss-lady. I know dating can be kind of a hellscape, but there are smart and secure men out there who will appreciate you, celebrate you, and love you for all that you are. Please, please, please don't settle for less.
Next up, I have a letter from a 25-year-old woman in Colorado who wants to know how soon is too soon to ask for a raise. Here's what she wrote:
"I’m approaching my one-year anniversary at work. This is the first job I’ve had that I’ve been at for a year (I’m 25 and graduated college in 2019). We have reviews in May and November. They gave everyone a cost of living raise in January where I went from making $50K to $55K a year. Is it appropriate to ask for a raise at my one year in between the review cycle and after getting more money earlier this year?"
My response...
If I were you, I'd make a strong case for why I deserve a raise in my November review. Lots of companies are making their budgets for the next year during this time, so bring it up while that process is still ongoing. Waiting until January, you risk hearing the dreaded, "We just don't have it in the budget," and having to wait until 2024 for your next increase.
November is a couple weeks away, so you have some time to prepare your case. Look over what you've accomplished this year, and make a list of your biggest wins — with receipts whenever possible. To make this process easier, I recommend keeping a running spreadsheet or file throughout the year. I like to keep my brag sheet in a tab on a working doc that I use every day; that way I actually remember to keep it up to date.
Also, compare the work that you do against your job description. The more you're able to highlight areas where you've gone above and beyond, the better positioned you'll be to get more money (or possibly even promoted).
And when it comes to the question of how often is too often to ask for a raise, it's generally considered acceptable to ask for a raise at the six-month mark of your first year, and then once a year after that. So you definitely wouldn't be out of line to bring it up now. You've got this, and good luck!!
And finally, I got a letter from a 40-year-old woman in Virginia who isn't sure where to even start with investing. Here's what she had to say:
"I just read one of your articles and love how you described yourself as an elder millennial. I am also an elder millennial, and I feel like I need to be doing more or being smarter about my disposable income. I get my company match at work for my 401(k) and IRA. I have various savings funds for things such as travel and bigger purchases (i.e., car down payment and Invisalign braces)."
"I guess the only thing I’m not doing right is investing because I just don’t have the time or energy to learn more about it. I'd feel like a slouch 'hiring' someone to do it for me because I don’t have *that* much extra money, but otherwise, I’ve got funds sitting in Robinhood where I feel like they aren’t doing anything. HELP!"
My response...
Investing can be a ~complicated~ topic, so I reached out to one of my favorite financial experts to get her insights for you. Priya Malani is a financial advisor, and she's the founder and CEO of the financial planning firm Stash Wealth. She's worked on Wall Street in the past, but her main focus now is working with millennials who are making good money but aren't yet "rich."
For starters, Priya says you're doing great. "It sounds like you’re checking most of the right boxes and just want to make sure you aren’t missing any chances to be smarter with your money. You’ve done some things right, but you’ve gotten to a point where general advice probably can’t give you the 'why' behind what’s personal to you. And that’s the kicker — proper investing requires a why so that you know what you’re investing FOR before you know what to invest IN. Most often, goals-based investing is your best bet to prepare for what’s coming next."
To find your why, Priya suggests looking to a pro for some guidance. She says, "The financial services industry is changing. If you’d like to have a conversation with someone, your personalized advice is no longer hidden behind a mahogany desk and a three-piece suit. Search for an advisor who is 1) a fiduciary (they don’t get kickbacks or commissions from what they recommend you invest in) and 2) is familiar with your life stage."
Or, if you'd rather work it out on your own, Priya says, "If you’re not so keen on working with an advisor, get your money working harder for you by using a goals-based approach. You may see these offered across your investment apps as 'target date funds.' This could be retirement by 65, or a down payment for a home in five years, or a giant 10-year anniversary trip. We don’t let our clients invest for short-term goals (aka goals you have within two years). Use a high-yield savings account for that."
Finally, she recommends a long-term, buy-and-hold approach to investing over trying to wheel and deal on a daily basis. Priya advises, "Stay out of the day-to-day check-ins, and let the market get your money working harder for you."
And that's all the advice I have for today! If you have a sticky work or money situation that you'd like some advice on, write to me via this anonymous form. And you can also follow me on Twitter or LinkedIn.
All requests for advice sent to me are for publication on BuzzFeed only. I do not respond to individual messages or provide any advice one-on-one. Please don't submit a question unless you want it published on BuzzFeed. We'll always keep you anonymous. You must be 16 or older to submit.