Cutting off contact with someone can seem careless, and when someone ghosts you with no explanation, it can become even more confusing.
On that note, Reddit user u/TheEvilBunnyLord asked, "People who ghost, why do you do it?" Here are a few explanations from Reddit, plus some from the BuzzFeed Community:
1. "I’ve ghosted several people, mostly because I feel that it’s nicer to just disappear than to list off the things I find unappealing or unattractive about them. Is that cowardly? Probably. Have I lost any sleep over it? Not really."
2. "I had some very toxic friendships where the fallout almost lasted longer than the friendship itself. It's easier now to just move on with life without dealing with that kind of drama."
3. "I ghosted a 'friend' who was incredibly toxic and was saying really awful things about me to all of our other friends behind my back. It sent me into a really awful series of panic attacks. As soon as I cut contact, I felt a huge rush of relief. You don’t owe someone an explanation for why you cut contact, or a warning beforehand if the person makes you feel unsafe or triggers mental health problems."
4. "I ghosted someone who was my best friend for seven years. We both were just messes, and I didn’t want to stay a mess, while she did. I was trying to recover from a seriously abusive relationship. I was completely isolated from family and friends by my ex and didn’t know how to reintegrate myself into society once I got free. I was living overseas at the time, but when I came back, she kept pushing her drama on me, and it became too much. She was always in some sort of tailspin. I tried to talk sense into her and let her know how I was feeling, but she was just too immersed in her own shit. So I did was best for myself and my own recovery and cut ties with her and everyone else. I took it upon myself to start over from scratch and associate with an entirely new group of people. It’s been three years, and I haven’t looked back.
5. "I started talking to a guy on Hinge recently. If I didn’t text him back right away, he would send a message that would say something like, 'What did I annoy you or something?' Or 'Losing interest already?' I also caught a nasty cold that I thought could be COVID, so I did my due diligence, got tested, and went into quarantine until I got my results. He wanted to go on a date, and I kept telling him I wasn’t feeling well and needed to wait until my test results came back. He accused me of lying about being sick. I blocked him."
6. "A guy I went on a few dates with back in 2013 messaged me at 2:30 a.m. this past Monday to let me know I ghosted him. I had told him it was because he was seeing other people but wanted me to treat him as a boyfriend. I have the old texts to show I told him this. Anyway, he’s saying I’m still ghosting eight years later...people are weird."
—No
7. "I ghosted my dad seven years ago because my relationship with him and my stepmother was so toxic; it was affecting my daughter who was 8 at the time. I have no regrets. He has tried to get back in touch and laments to my mom about it, but it's been such a relief not having him in my life. I told my daughter that now that she is 15, she can decide whether or not she wants a relationship with her grandfather, and right now, she is fine with the way things are."
8. "Sometimes, you just grow apart from someone, and that’s okay. Sometimes, you don’t click with someone in person, and that’s okay, too. Ghosting isn’t always the wrong or immature thing; it’s just the way things happen."
9. "I have ghosted a couple of people I never wanted or intended to ghost. When I grew into adulthood, I took some choices that were right for me but at the cost of my relations with my friends back home. Over the years, I have grown worse and worse at keeping in contact with friends first because I was getting used to being alone. Unfortunately, this has made me a person almost unable to maintain new friendships, and among them, I really wish I had kept one guy. He was simply the best, kind, and caring, and he genuinely liked hanging out with me. But now, it's been so long, so I have given up on the idea of reaching out. ... I ghosted him, even when I really did not want to."
10. "Man, I’ve ghosted so many people, and it's usually because I get overwhelmed. Like, if they send too many long text messages or voice notes too often, and always expect quick responses from me and I don’t have time or energy to respond. Sometimes, I just stop answering and think I will later, but forget or get busy. Then, weeks or months go by, then it’s too late and too long to respond, and it’s awkward to just randomly hit them up again. Or, I legitimately just don’t want to start things up again because I’ll likely just ghost again."
11. "I ghosted a guy I was dating. He always wanted to vent about his day to me and expected me to give advice. But, the one time I tried to vent about my day to him and seek support from him, he told me he had a bunch of laundry to do and literally hung up on me. I never answered his calls or texts after that. Why would I continue being a source of support for you if you can’t be that for me, too?"
12. "I’ve had several instances where I’d try to tell someone I wasn’t interested, and suddenly, I was being verbally attacked and insulted. Suddenly, I’m the bad guy because I don’t want to date you, or that he was doing me a 'favor' by talking to me or asking me out."
13. "I am Aquarius, and ghosting is my default mode."
14. "I ghosted someone because he sent photos of me to other people. I had a few months of no contact, then he messaged my brother because he couldn't get to me, and my brother believed him that I was still speaking to him. I said, 'He wouldn't message you if he could message me.' It's been about five years of no contact now, and it's been great for me. You can't forgive something like that. I even left home; the shame was too much for me."
15. I'm afraid of commitment and bad at maintaining it."
16. "Usually, it's because I'm just not interested anymore. The point of dating apps is to talk to a bunch of people 'til you find one that works for you. I found what I was looking for, and it might not have been you. You'll be okay, and if you won't, you probably shouldn't be on dating apps."
17. "I tend to be on and off with people a lot. I know it's shitty, and I feel really bad about it, but it's hard to stay connected to stuff when nothing feels real to me."
18. "The only time I've ever ghosted someone is because it was someone who could never take criticism or disagreement, would immediately start deflecting, and had anger issues they refused to deal with. It was best for my mental health to just move on when I'd had enough of making excuses for them."
19. "The last person I ghosted lied about her age by 10 years on Tinder and wasted a week of my life trying to lure me in on WhatsApp before she let the truth slip. I have no guilt; liars can go fuck themselves."
20. "Some people simply don't understand when you politely explain to them that you're not interested in X thing, and the more you respond to their texts, calls, etc., the more they stay in contact with you. So, they leave you two options: being rude, which really sucks when you don't hate that person, or simply vanishing from the earth."
21. "With so many people available to chat, ghosting is just an easier way to move on quickly. I'm not condoning it at all, though; it's very impolite."
22. "I just ghosted my aunt and cousin. We have a big family text chat, and one day this week, they started going off on politics and then making fun of people who stutter. My husband stutters, and I am a speech-language pathologist. I wrote about how harmful what they were saying was, but they didn't stop, so I blocked them. According to my mom, my aunt apologized an hour later, not even realizing that I am not talking to her anymore. My cousin never apologized. No regrets on my part."
23. "I’m just not worried about it."
24. "I didn't think it was ghosting until someone said it was. I cut off a guy I'd been seeing because he'd get so angry over my refusal to revolve my busy work schedule around his social diary. It got to the point where I made it clear that I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore. He kept texting and emailing, asking to have a talk and give it another try, but I never responded. He was the sort that talks over people and ignores anything he doesn't like hearing, so I thought cutting him off altogether was the best solution for us both."
25. "I only stop talking to people when it's clear they aren't hearing me in the first place."
26. "It has nothing to do with not liking the person and has more to do with my attention span. It very often just derails completely, leaving me lost in a new strange land to explore 'til it inevitably derails again and again."
