Celebrity

This Is For Everyone Hopelessly In Love With Corey Stoll

Let me quench my thirst with a STOLLi martini.

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Does the name "Corey Stoll" not ring the alarm for you? Does it not elicit a thirst that begs to be quenched? Then sit back, my friend, and listen:

You might know him as U.S. Rep. Peter Russo of the Netflix hit House of Cards.

Netflix / Via rustyrooster.tumblr.com

Here he is brooding and also naked in a tub. Perhaps an image you would like permanently tattooed behind your eyelids.

Or maybe you first noticed him as Ernest Hemingway in the fantasy rom-com Midnight in Paris.

Sony Pictures Classics / Via thewrap.com

He made the biggest literary mansplainer look hot — a crime for which he shall never be forgiven or forgotten.

And you'll see him in the upcoming film adaptation of the novel This Is Where I Leave You.

He'll be playing sibling to Tina Fey, Jason Bateman, and Adam Driver — as well as son to Jane Fonda — in what looks to be a great movie that your boyfriend will sleep through while you bawl your eyes out.

Dear The Strain showrunners — LET'S KEEP IT NATURAL AND GORGEOUS.

Netflix / Via riceblue.tumblr.com

To caress and massage what I am sure is a supple head containing not-lame conversation starters and easy recipes for breakfast in bed.