back to top
Celebrity

This Is For Everyone Hopelessly In Love With Corey Stoll

Let me quench my thirst with a STOLLi martini.

Posted on

Does the name "Corey Stoll" not ring the alarm for you? Does it not elicit a thirst that begs to be quenched? Then sit back, my friend, and listen:

This bald and beautiful studmuffin is Corey Stoll — full-time film and television actor, full-time life ruiner.

Frazer Harrison / Via Getty Images

You might know him as U.S. Rep. Peter Russo of the Netflix hit House of Cards.

Here he is brooding and also naked in a tub. Perhaps an image you would like permanently tattooed behind your eyelids.
Netflix / Via rustyrooster.tumblr.com

Here he is brooding and also naked in a tub. Perhaps an image you would like permanently tattooed behind your eyelids.

Or maybe you first noticed him as Ernest Hemingway in the fantasy rom-com Midnight in Paris.

He made the biggest literary mansplainer look hot — a crime for which he shall never be forgiven or forgotten.
Sony Pictures Classics / Via thewrap.com

He made the biggest literary mansplainer look hot — a crime for which he shall never be forgiven or forgotten.

And you'll see him in the upcoming film adaptation of the novel This Is Where I Leave You.

He'll be playing sibling to Tina Fey, Jason Bateman, and Adam Driver — as well as son to Jane Fonda — in what looks to be a great movie that your boyfriend will sleep through while you bawl your eyes out.

But you can currently see him on FX's The Strain with a wig that just won't give up when it needs to.

Dear The Strain showrunners — LET'S KEEP IT NATURAL AND GORGEOUS.

Netflix / Via riceblue.tumblr.com

To caress and massage what I am sure is a supple head containing not-lame conversation starters and easy recipes for breakfast in bed.

But the kind people at FX did give us this.

Still, Corey can work all the hair he wants — be it on his head.

UGH.
Kevin Winter / Via Getty Images

UGH.

Or above his upper lip.

WOOF.
Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images

WOOF.

[Beyoncé's "Rocket" plays in the distance]

♬ YOU AIN'T RIGHT FOR DOING IT TO ME LIKE THAT, DADDY ♬
Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images

♬ YOU AIN'T RIGHT FOR DOING IT TO ME LIKE THAT, DADDY ♬

In sum: PLEASE, COREY STOLL.

Frederick M. Brown / Via Getty Images

GET YOUR GOOD-LOOKING SELF—

Stephen Lovekin / Via Getty Images

—ON OUR SCREENS MORE OFTEN—

Dave Buchan / Via Getty Images

—AND IN OUR LIVES 24/7.

BYE.
Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images

BYE.

Top trending videos

Watch more BuzzFeed Video Caret right

Top trending videos

Watch more BuzzFeed Video Caret right
The best things at three price points