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    This Is For Everyone Hopelessly In Love With Corey Stoll

    Let me quench my thirst with a STOLLi martini.

    Does the name "Corey Stoll" not ring the alarm for you? Does it not elicit a thirst that begs to be quenched? Then sit back, my friend, and listen:

    This bald and beautiful studmuffin is Corey Stoll — full-time film and television actor, full-time life ruiner.

    Frazer Harrison / Via Getty Images

    You might know him as U.S. Rep. Peter Russo of the Netflix hit House of Cards.

    Netflix / Via rustyrooster.tumblr.com

    Here he is brooding and also naked in a tub. Perhaps an image you would like permanently tattooed behind your eyelids.

    Or maybe you first noticed him as Ernest Hemingway in the fantasy rom-com Midnight in Paris.

    Sony Pictures Classics / Via thewrap.com

    He made the biggest literary mansplainer look hot — a crime for which he shall never be forgiven or forgotten.

    And you'll see him in the upcoming film adaptation of the novel This Is Where I Leave You.

    Warner Bros. / youtube.com
    Warner Bros. / youtube.com

    He'll be playing sibling to Tina Fey, Jason Bateman, and Adam Driver — as well as son to Jane Fonda — in what looks to be a great movie that your boyfriend will sleep through while you bawl your eyes out.

    But you can currently see him on FX's The Strain with a wig that just won't give up when it needs to.

    Dear The Strain showrunners — LET'S KEEP IT NATURAL AND GORGEOUS.

    Netflix / Via riceblue.tumblr.com

    To caress and massage what I am sure is a supple head containing not-lame conversation starters and easy recipes for breakfast in bed.

    But the kind people at FX did give us this.

    And also a lot of this.

    Still, Corey can work all the hair he wants — be it on his head.

    Kevin Winter / Via Getty Images

    UGH.

    Or above his upper lip.

    Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images

    WOOF.

    [Beyoncé's "Rocket" plays in the distance]

    Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images

    ♬ YOU AIN'T RIGHT FOR DOING IT TO ME LIKE THAT, DADDY ♬

    In sum: PLEASE, COREY STOLL.

    Frederick M. Brown / Via Getty Images

    GET YOUR GOOD-LOOKING SELF—

    Stephen Lovekin / Via Getty Images

    —ON OUR SCREENS MORE OFTEN—

    Dave Buchan / Via Getty Images

    —AND IN OUR LIVES 24/7.

    Alberto E. Rodriguez / Via Getty Images

    BYE.

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