1. "Where am I supposed to look? Into the distance? At the cake? Straight into the eyes of one of the singers? Where?!
2. "Oh no, can everyone tell that this isn't a genuine smile?"
3. "Somebody is off-key."
4. "Is that a 'cha, cha, cha' I hear?"
5. "Half of the people here are just mouthing the words."
6. "I can't just sit here silently and awkwardly smile, can I? There's definitely something that I'm supposed to be doing right now."
7. "I think somebody misspelled my name on the cake."
8. "Should I be singing along with everyone?"
9. "Now would I be singing 'Happy birthday, dear me' or 'Happy birthday, dear [my name]'?"
10. "If I don’t sing, maybe I should try my hand at dancing to the rhythm of 'Happy Birthday'?"
11. "Great, the ceremonial song is completed! All of that tension sure made me hungry for some cake."
12. "Hold up. Did this bitch just say, 'How old are you now?'"
14. "Are we seriously doing the second verse of 'Happy Birthday' right now?"
15. "Thanks for reminding me how many times I've had to endure this agony."
16. "It's my birthday! I'm old! I can do whatever I want! And I want cake NOW!"
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