Let's start with this sensual GIF of Jean Claude Van Damme. It'll make sense soon. Promise.
Remember those pro-refugee protesters yesterday who literally superglued themselves to the House of Representatives? They were back, this time with abseiling equipment and dye that turned the Parliament House fountain blood-red.
It prompted Queensland LNP senator James McGrath to launch a verbal assault, calling them "a bunch of bong-sniffing, dole-bludging, moss-munching, glue-guzzling, F-Mart Castros".
It was strong status tbh, but really, who the fuck sniffs a bong?
who sniffs a bong?
Or guzzles... glue?
@rgcooke @MarkDiStef 420 time 2 drink some glue bitch
The protest was well-timed though: This morning legislation was passed by parliament to build a 2.6-metre fence around the building. Building a wall? SAD!
"Parliament House security upgrade works—Perimeter security enhancements."
Meanwhile, this was happening.
It's the final parl sitting day of the yr. I brought out my sombrero to say adios to George Brandis #auspol #politas
And Nick Xenophon flipped the bird with a Cheezel on it at David Leyonhjelm because he insulted South Australia... or something.
Channelling my inner libertarian, here's my (cheesy) response to Senator @DavidLeyonhjelm's pathetic bagging of SA:… https://t.co/7IgloV5Lqy
Wait, what the heck was Jean Claude Van Damme doing at Parliament House?
Frydenberg welcomes the Muscles from Brussels Jean-Claude Van Damme to parliament
Yep, that is definitely Van Damme launching a roundhouse kick at Australia's energy and environment minister. (Van Damme was at Parliament House to raise awareness for endangered animals, because sure.)
Watch this amazing kick from Jean-Claude Van Damme @JCVD, the Muscles from Brussels...
The prime minister gave his traditional Christmas message and delivered an excellent sledge:
Turnbull: Mr Harbourside Mansion was surely the epithet of the campaign. Of course Bill wanted the title for himself
"Mr Harbourside Mansion was surely the epithet of the campaign," Malcolm Turnbull joked.
"Of course Bill desperately wanted the title for himself. But like all good socialists he wanted a harbourside mansion paid for by the taxpayer."
An Australian actor stepped forward to play George Christensen in an upcoming movie.
I know what my next film role is! I will play George Christensen in bio-pic of his life as a closet S&M lesbian!🌈👏🏻
Christensen was breaking a lot of people.
Oh no...
And the anti-marriage equality MP had some words for his critics.
It's interesting that so many Lefty Twitter warriors are saying my @smh photo is "gay" like it's some sort of insult. Homophobic much?
Oh, there's Van Damme again.
I suspect he was letting me win. #VanDamme
But the big issue of the day was the backpacker tax. The government, especially Barnaby Joyce, was red and angry at Labor and the crossbenchers for haggling over its 15% tax.
The National Farmers Federation was desperate, and while it had been in lockstep with the government for a long time, things were getting dire.
To be clear: we continue to support 15% as the best policy outcome, but outcome of today cannot be 32.5%. We need 2 #getitdone. @SkyNewsAust
If the tax wasn't agreed on, it would blow out to 32.5% on January 1, effectively rooting an entire fruit-picking season.
Treasurer Scott Morrison slammed his foot down... no... the government needed just one senator to switch sides and FFS it was staying at 15%.
The final Question Time for 2016 began and everyone went feral over the backpacker tax.
Parliament.. go home. You're drunk
Then, shocking pretty much everyone because they stayed pretty quiet for most of the day, in came the Greens and SAVED THE GOVERNMENT'S 15% BACKPACKER TAX!
It totally broke Labor people.
#BREAKING; the Greens Party ride to Barnaby Joyce's rescue, and will back the Turnbull Govt 15% backpacker tax… https://t.co/mK9WAonHxP
Who had a bit of an afternoon tanty.
Liberal-Green coalition.
And the deputy prime minister, who hates the Greens probably more than anyone in the entire parliament, tweeted his thanks.
Credit where credit is due. Thanks to the Greens for doing what Labor should have done. #backpackertax @RichardDiNatale
2016. What did we just see?
