Happy Monday! It's just another day in Australia without marriage equality, with the Liberal Party yet again debating how it can proceed with, or delay, a vote on the issue.
Into the ring walks Liberal MP Ian Goodenough, who chose today to express the argument, best distilled by the expression "but, but, but think of the children!!!!!"
He told the ABC that the new bill put forward by a group of Liberal MPs did not address his own concerns about what marriage equality would mean for children, "more specifically the impossibility of having children without involving a third person, and related issues such as commercial surrogacy, reproductive technologies and the prospect of taxpayer funding of these services".
Last time Goodenough went on this rant, Labor's Terri Butler owned him on the floor of parliament.
If only there was a funny person who could step up this rou-
Oh look there's Please Like Me star Josh Thomas!
On Monday afternoon, Thomas started what appeared to be a new entry on his iPad to eviscerate Goodenough.
Here's what the Thomas note said:
I don’t need to be married to have a baby. All I need is access to a uterus, and there are literally billions of them.
Today this politician — Mr Goodenough — who has a very funny name — told the ABC he was worried about the gay marriage bill because it did not address the issue of children, 'more specifically the impossibility of having children without involving a third person, and related issues such as commercial surrogacy, reproductive technologies and the prospect of taxpayer funding of these services'.
It’s just very silly! Saying this is very silly! Mr Goodenough I’m starting to think you are GOOD ENOUGH at all you are a BOZO.
‘No’ campaigns on same sex marriage are obsessed with children.
This is very silly! Just because lots of people like to get married before they have children doesn’t mean you NEED to get married to have children.
Do I really need to explain how babies are made? Jizz race to an egg, cells divide, a baby grows and sometimes perineum’s tear which is just so unfair to woman I am so sorry.
Marriage will have ZERO effect on whether or not gay couples can make a baby. We are doing it right now!
This is why you can’t stop us:
If I want to ejaculate into a girl and she’s into it you can’t stop me.
If that girl doesn’t want to raise the kid you can’t make her.
You can’t stop me raising my own kid.
I have billions and billions of sperm, I make new ones every day. There are billions of uteruses. This isn’t a fight you are going to be able to win.
If you hold the belief that marriage is the best environment to raise children then surely you want to encourage it for all children, including the ones of same-sex parents. Not humiliate the children via placard.
If you have concerns about ‘commercial surrogacy, reproductive technologies and The prospect of taxpayer funding for these services.’ Then CREATE YOUR OWN SEPERATE GOOD-ENOUGH BILL ABOUT THESE AND TRY AND SELL THEM TO THE PARLIAMENT.
This is the fundamental issue (apart from the cost, waste of time, fact it isn’t binding and ra ra ra ra ra ra) with a plebiscite - The ‘no’ campaign will be disingenuous about why they don’t want it. They always are. The real reason is they don’t want people to be gay. Maybe it’s because of religious reasons or maybe it’s because they think anal sex is icky, it doesn’t matter. They just don’t want gays around. Unfortunately ‘GOD DOESN’T WANT THIS’ and ‘ANAL SEX IS TOO GROSS’ don’t make broadly convincing placards, so they lie.
We’ve tried their way, we’ve tried making being gay illegal and shameful. You know what happened when gay people were told they can’t be gay? They tried to hide the fact they were gay. Do you know how they did that? They married your sons and daughters and ruined their lives.
Allow us to be who we are so we can leave you to be whatever it is you want to be.
Wowowow... "If I want to ejaculate into a girl and she’s into it you can’t stop me." Goddamn.
Mark Di Stefano is a media and politics correspondent for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.
Contact Mark Di Stefano at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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