1.
Is there a gym in Canberra named The House of Reps and if not why not
2.
when ur special little man use the big boy potty by himself
3.
.@TonyAbbottMHR I didn’t realise when you said Australia was open for business you meant it was open for monkey business.
4.
Tone: Okay. Here's an idea, what if - Peta: Is this about knighting Phar Lap? Tone: ...it was a good horse Peta: No one's disputing that.
5.
It’s like Nick Xenophon watched someone in a movie fold his arms and is trying it out for the first time.
6.
Happy Australia Day! My survival plan for Australia Day this year is to make a t-shirt that says "Relax Australia, I'm just passing through"
7.
A buddy sent me this GIF of an excited @JoeHockey holding a slowly deflating balloon and I now feel very interesting.
8.
Kevin Rudd has a cute smug face like my cat after it's done a poo
9.
different personal politics irl: it's cool that we're still great friends online: im going to set fire to your face and eat your skull
10.
[me loudly reading the guardian on the train] ha! that's bloody liberal for you *hushed whisper* siri liberal and labor what difference
11.
Australia does not have elections. It has the occasional game of 'pick an idiot or get a fine'
12.
Do you have to pay your HECS debt if you're not clinically dead, but you're dead inside? Asking for a loan.
13.
Congratulations, Australia. #auspol
14.
Maybe when people say "Fuck off we're full" they mean "we just had a big meal so don't offer us anymore delicious foreign delicacies please"
15.
Surely we could just hold Johnny Depp's dogs in some kind of offshore facility until their claims can be processed and accurately assessed?
16.
At this rate... Australia may have to re-open as a jail.
17.
Imagen being a female backbencher being told that the cabinet is based on merit while you watch Dutton try get his head out of a honey jar.
18.
Before politics, Scott Morrison was Managing Director of Tourism Australia. WHICH IS IT SCOTT DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO COME HERE OR NOT?
19.
Man Married To Queen Becomes Knight Of Country Where A Man Can't Marry A Queen...
20.
when u nut but the coal companies still suckin
21.
If I was Tony Abbott, I would be wiping my dick and balls on every single thing in the PM's office right now.
22.
I'm messaging George Brandis the entire first chapter of 1984 @SenatorLudlam
23.
24.
it'll be a crime if by the end of his prime ministership we aren't referring to hundred dollar bills as 'malcolms'
25.
"NETFLIX N SPILL" #libspill #aupol #itson
26.
72 weeks back on Malcolm Turnbull's Instagram and I'm calling it a night
27.
look, it's just that i feel like an authority on the sort of dude turnbull would be in a wine bar like he'd order shiraz for you w/o asking
28.
Give peas a chance!
29.
ABC 24 should really rethink those double chyrons
30.
“Fuck, don’t play the gander card!” - me playing my card game about geese with Julia Gillard
31.
the only Australian values I want refugees to know are: -you call your mates 'cunt' -you call cunts 'mate' welcome to the promised land
32.
BOB KATTERPILLAR: gimme me guns you greenie mongrels GREENIE: your a bloody grub mate BOB KATTERPILLAR: c'mere you
33.
When you realise it was more than a fart but you don't have the time to check right now so you stay fierce #auspol