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Updated on 10 Oct 2019. Posted on 26 Sep 2019

How To Host A Dinner Party Like The Grown-Ass Adult You Are

Time to end rumours you live on packet noodles alone.

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We’re adults now. It’s no longer enough to order a pizza in, get your mates to BYO their own goon.

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Here is a fool-proof, step-by-step guide to throwing a dinner party and convincing your guests of your maturity.

1. Set the scene with linen that puts your grandma’s yellowed lace tablecloth to shame.

Amazon

No one will know your dining table is some scrappy thing picked up from the side of the road during council clean up.

PRICE: $46.33.

2. Pick up a classic, minimalist glass vase for the flowers your mates bring that will eventually die.

Amazon

But at least they’ll look beautiful for the millisecond they're alive.

PRICE: $19.95.

3. Use light-diffusing votive candle holders for ~aesthetic~.

Amazon

Yes, it sets the mood — but it also makes food stains harder to spot. Win-win.

PRICE: $24.81.

4. Dress up your unremarkable white dinner plates with textured AF chargers.

Amazon

Do they serve any obvious purpose? No. Do they give the illusion of good taste and sophistication? Yes, and that’s all we’re aiming for here.

PRICE: $41.48 for a set of four.

5. Replace the mismatched forks and knives with cutlery that shines with the strength of a million suns.

Berglander

As delightful as it may be to eat with utensils that predate the moment of your conception, these are much more suitable for a schmancy dinner party.

PRICE: $50 for 24 pieces.

6. Find yourself some cloth napkins — a classic white or tonal colour that complements your table cloth.

Amazon

Because paper serviettes only belong wrapped around a sausage sandwich.

PRICE: $27.36 for a set of six.

7. Play your carefully-curated playlist from a portable speaker (that doubles as a clock!).

Amazon

To fill the silence when your guests are devouring your positively delightful meal.

PRICE: $41.36.

8. Build a cheese board attractive enough to tempt even the lactose-intolerant.

Amazon

The rules of an excellent cheese board — something crunchy, something soft, something sweet, something sour. All atop a cheese board that looks like you might've carved it with your very own hands.

PRICE: $108.59.

9. Bring back wine buckets. Please, I beg of you.

Amazon

Won't someone think of the sparking wine lovers?!

PRICE: $26.32

10. Serve a crowd favourite cocktail in glassware that's a little bit schmancy.

Amazon

Or if you can't be bothered mixing a cocktail, Pinot Grigio always goes over a treat.

PRICE: $36.47 for a set of two.

11. Serve water from a carafe that is shaped like the horn of plenty itself.

Amazon

Filling glasses from the tap just doesn't set the same mood.

PRICE: $30.62.

12. Make sure the content of your salad bowl is interesting. Yes, I know what I said.

Until

Ever tried a rockmelon and mozzarella salad? Just please, enough with salads that are nothing but tomato and rocket.

The irony of this photo is not lost on me.

PRICE: $51.99.

13. Prepare your meal in cookware attractive enough to set down on the table.

Falcon Enamelware

Extra points for coordinating its colour to the linen and flowers.

PRICE: $27.25.

14. And lastly, a cake stand for that cake you maybe (definitely) didn't bake yourself.

Amazon

Go for something simple like a vanilla sponge — they'll never know.

PRICE: $30.31.

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