1.
You knew better than to interrupt while she was watching her telenovelas.
2.
She introduced you to your "cousins" every couple of years.
3.
There was nothing unusual about her cliantro obsession.
5.
And some kind of meat (almost always pollo frito).
7.
Mofongo was its own food group.
8.
But nothing beat her homemade arepas.
9.
Basically every meal included at least one Goya product.
10.
She let you know when you put on weight...and then tried to make it sound cute.
11.
This was the greatest medical marvel in the history of science:
12.
And when your friends came over for dinner, you told them to fast in preparation.
13.
She did (and possibly still does) have a massive crush on Ricky Martin.
14.
She didn't yell, that's just the way she talks.
15.
Which meant that when she had an opinion, you were going to hear it.
16.
In addition to Christmas, your mom made sure you celebrated Three Kings Day.
17.
She was always cold, and therefore thought you were freezing all the time too.
18.
Tattoos would bring shame to your family and you couldn't have them.
19.
Unless it's sensible and representative of your Catholic faith.
20.
Your mom would often manipulate historical facts to make them about Puerto Rico.
21.
If you didn't call her for three days, she'd file a missing persons report.
22.
And when you did call her, the two topics of conversation were 1) Why haven't you called your abuelita? and 2) What are you doing with your life?
23.
When you were a child, your mom threatened you with "El Coco."
24.
She called all your white friends "gringos" and "gringas," leaving you to explain that it's not racist, it's a term of endearment.
25.
Your friends were confused when your mom would refer to them (and you!) as "mami."
26.
She would constantly ask when you're going to get married and why you don't already have a significant other.
27.
And if you were in a relationship, she reminded you that you MUST get married in Puerto Rico.
28.
Then she'd ask, "When are you going to have children?"
29.
But you couldn't stay mad at her because, well, you have the best mom of all time!
