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1. A set of embossed glass tumblers that'll certainly make you say, "Sip sip, hooray!" every time you open up your cupboard to grab a glass. It'll be a genuine reflex after seeing something as darling as these (I'm speaking from experience).
2. A sonic toothbrush with multiple brushing modes to support different oral care needs, a timer to make sure you're brushing as long as you should, and (for you charcoal powder fans) *actual* charcoal bristles that safely remove stains while scrubbing your pearly whites.
3. A bag of organic Death Wish coffee for anyone who truly believes in the phrase "death before decaf".
4. A vintage glam sofa in a *delicious* olive green color that's sure to show off your perfect ~taste~ in home decor.
5. Acorns, an app that'll help make investing money seriously simple. Let the app do its job and feel free to forget about it — it'll put your spare change from everyday purchases toward stock portfolios, so you can watch your investments grow without any of the work.
6. A fool-proof meal subscription service complete with instructions and accurate cooking times so you can easily make meals yourself (there are also protein packs and oven-ready meals for when you'd rather not spend precious eating time doing prep work).
7. Woven dining chairs for adding a warm, textured touch to any common dining room table. These trend-setting chairs are well worth the investment!
8. A bottle of Drop It, a natural wine sulfate and tannin remover, that's gonna save wine drunk you from those merlot-induced headaches.
9. An overflow cap so you can *finally* soak in a bath that's filled to the very brim.
10. An Always Pan designed with a slippery nonstick surface, a vented top, a steaming basket, and a wooden spoon that hooks onto the handle. Owning kitchen tools that are both beautiful and functional? That'll make EVERY day (and every meal) great.
11. A pack of Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Sheets capable of fitting into small spaces and cramped corners with ease – to make sure every nook and cranny of your home looks squeaky clean.
12. A serpent area rug for folks who are looking to add some edginess to their decor. Even the thought of "edgy decor" proves your age, you adult you!
13. A matching set of tall ceramic mugs sure to give your kitchen counter an upscale coffee shop vibe perfect for pumpkin spice season. If you plan on giving those roasted beans the worship they deserve, these mugs are an actual need.
14. A leopard print velvet comforter so all you cool cats and kittens can sleep in your own big cat (themed) sanctuary.
15. A pair of metal planters that'll get so many compliments you'll love having them around your place.
16. A pair of block printed napkins – these are gonna look so cool on your table your guests just might choose to use their sleeve rather than dirty up these gorgeous linens!
17. Or linen napkins – they're naturally stain-resistant, so if you'll really make your napkins work to earn their keep – this gorgeous set has your name on it! Soup season has got nothin' on these.
18. An arched floor mirror – it's gonna add a modern elegance to your room, no matter how eclectic your decor may be. Every time you look at this piece you're gonna ~reflect~ on all your good decor life choices. I promise.
19. A coffee of the month subscription, because your work hours do not include a nap break so some glorious hot bean juice just might be the only thing that keeps you going.
20. A Novogratz pet sofa that's gonna look doggone delightful in your living room! Millennial pet parenthood is a great place to be, welcome.
21. A powder polish for giving your kitchenware a well deserved scrub after you watch Beauty and the Beast with your kid and start feeling guilty about the condition of your own flatware friends.
22. A peel-and-stick wallpaper that'll brighten up your home with its marvelous, day-at-the-beach-house touch.
23. A plant-based meat box from The Very Good Butchers sure to tantalize your tastebuds with each animal- and earth-friendly option!
24. A rattan rolling market cart with a design so chic, it can make everything you buy look like it came straight from your local farmers market...even though you've secretly stuffed multiple boxes of Pizza Rolls underneath your organic arugula.
25. A startlingly lovely resin toilet brush holder for making your Instagram followers believe that even the ~crappiest~ parts of your life are photo-worthy.
26. A colorful distressed rug that'll delight realists who want a gorgeous rug designed for the slips, stains, and spills that happen when you let your family actually live in the living room.
27. A natural rattan pendant light to give any space a cozy vibe while keeping the room light, warm, and inviting.
28. A tile floor mat you can customize — it's a kit! Snap the loose tiles into the beehive base and create any greeting or image you want. This just might be the greatest decor for puzzle lovers I've ever seen.
29. A birthdate candle for keeping on display when you want to make sure your friends NEVER forget your special day.
30. A mini witch named Maddie and big witch Elmira and Pumpkinhead – these cute critters are gonna speak to your spooky soul. How could you not fall in love with their darling, witchy ways?!
31. An aromatherapy spray that'll soothe your senses and help you fall asleep if you're prone to stay up counting your worries rather than counting sheep.
32. A shirt folder so you can fold perfectly crisp shirts that'll bring a tear to your type-A eye every time laundry day rolls around.
33. A vertical shoe tower sure to have your entryway looking organized and elevated.
34. A wine stain remover so you can spill the tea (when your "tea" is red wine) without ruining your favorite sweater.
35. And a bar cart to proudly show that you are old enough to drink, afford, and display alcohol in your home.
36. A pair of outlet lights so you can have your rooms shine even at nighttime, without bulky night lights taking up space.
37. A too-cute four slice toaster you're gonna love if serving your whole family at once keeps you from being ~toast~ in the morning rush to work and school.
38. A hand-crafted ceramic essential oil diffuser so you can cover up the smell of your bulldog (who is definitely not supposed to be your roommate) and breathe easy when your landlord comes over and says, "That's a dog...gone beautiful diffuser you have there!"
39. A bidet, because when you realize that washing your bottom after using the bathroom makes just as much sense as washing your hands, you're never gonna want to wipe with that dry, wasteful, less-efficient toilet paper ever again.
40. A table runner so darlin' it'll give your friends a run for their money when it's their turn to host dinner and they try to get on your (decorative) level.
41. And finally, a very adult 16-piece dinnerware set for serving your dino nuggets on something extra special.
When I catch myself enthusiastically talking with friends about adding a backsplash to the kitchen sink:
