Sorry, but you're about to lose the "I was chopping onions" excuse for why you're crying.
Get it from Amazon for $20.95.
Promising review: "I was introduced to this amazing gadget at my sister's house as I helped her prepare dinner. She gave me a pile of vegetables to peel, chop, and dice, and then handed me this. The chore included five onions, three cloves of garlic, two red peppers, two green peppers, one potato, one yam, etc. It would normally have taken 20-30 minutes at least. Instead, using this, it took about eight minutes, peeling included. And it was FUN. The design of this chopper is simple yet elegant. Everything fits inside the container for storage, and assembles quickly and easily. Clean up is a breeze (dishwasher safe, but I plan to wash by hand). At any rate, I ended up buying myself one, and then gifting my daughter, daughter-in-law, and a couple of friends. I place peppers and tomato halves skin side DOWN for best results. Happy chopping!" —lucy jack