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1. A clip-on, glow-in-the-dark ghost power bank, because if you're gonna Google where to get the best local slice at 2am, you need some battery power left. Therefore you'll need to actually *find* it in the dark.
2. A unique shot glass to layer the alcohol and the chaser ~in one container~, so there's no more bad taste after taking the shot.
3. A pad of intoxication citations you can pass out to your messy friends upon the commission of a party foul. (Warning: These may be passed right back to you.)
4. A set of toaster-friendly bags perfect for whipping up an ooey gooey grilled cheese when you can't really manage the whole stove thing. Plus they're dishwasher safe, so you don't need to do any washing up by hand!
5. An Ostrich mini arm pillow for anyone who truly believes anywhere is suitable for a nap. Yes, right there. Right there is fine; you're only going to close your eyes for a sec.
6. A pair of rocks glasses you can pick up with ease, but they're very difficult to knock over, so you won't lose the rest of your Old Fashioned, no matter how "clumsy" you are.
7. A microfiber makeup-removing cloth designed to remove every trace of foundation, (waterproof!) mascara, and lipstick with just water. Because taking off your makeup on a regular night is hard enough.
8. A deck of cards that'll turn ANY game into a drinking game — perfect for those occasions when you start to...forget...the rules of that one you used to play all the time.
9. A Dash eight-inch griddle for anyone who has gotten banned from the Taco Bell drive through for belligerence — but still needs a late-night quesadilla (or late-night eggs, pancakes, grilled cheese, paninis, and more).
10. A book of crosswords best solved while inebriated, including cocktail pun closes, themes inspired by drinking games, and entire puzzles printed on a ~slant~ so you can even read them better.
11. A perfectly organized and compact crossbody bag with built-in credit card slots (that are also RFID-protected) and a main compartment so you'll have almost no excuse but to find your credit card, keys, and lipstick — everything will stay exceptionally neat, even if you're sloppy.
12. A wireless microphone, because the karaoke bar kicked you out for only choosing to sing "Toxic" over and over again for an hour and a half.
13. An easy-to-grab silicone microwave caddy with stay-cool handles to keep your fingers safe from being burned by a scalding plate of midnight Totino's pizza rolls.
14. A suction cup SipCaddy that will help you A) get drunk in the shower or B) partake of some hair of the dog while crying in there the morning after.
15. Where To Eat Pizza, a guide to the best pizza anywhere in the world, so whether you're ubriaco, pijan, or 취한, you can locate a proper slice.
16. A scaled-down beer pong set with a catapulting ball that's tethered to the table so things can't get TOO sloppy. Putting balls that have been on the floor in my beer? Hard pass.
17. Or a mini flip cup game you can bring to any party (and home) with ease.
18. A motion-detecting toilet light that'll glow any of 16 colors — so you don't miss the bowl no matter what.
19. A wine goblet that'll screw right into any bottle of your favorite blend, because if you carry the whole thing with you, no one can steal the rest of it while you're on glass #1.
20. A double-wall, stainless steel water bottle so you can fill it when you're sober at 6 p.m...and then when you roll in at 3 a.m., it'll still be ICE COLD. Sober you is so thoughtful.
21. OR a water bottle shaped like a flask, in case schnockered you needs to be lit'rally TRICKED into staying hydrated after a night out.
22. A coloring book that'll make your post–happy hour hours far happier, with over 120 pages of coloring and activities, including pages to design your own regrettable tattoo, wine bingo, and even a set of DIY beer goggles.
23. A copy of Munchies, a book filled with boozy stories from 70 chefs, plus 65 recipes they make to satisfy those late-night cravings.
24. A Go Girl urination device that'll let anyone without a peen pee standing up. Perfect for when that toilet is so filthy you're just gonna have to do it standing up. Or when the line is so long, it's honestly time to find a bush. And you've already broken the seal so... it's time to go.
25. A silicone mold that'll make ice, Jello, or any other edible shot glasses, meaning you won't have a giant sink full of glassware to wash in the morning after a pregame.
26. A collapsible pocket flask for anyone likely to leave things behind after a few pints.
27. An electric wine opener to open any bottle in seconds, because using a corkscrew is hard enough sober.
28. And a handy notebook you can keep on your bedside table and fill with drunken notes to your sober self.
Enjoy the holidays responsibly.
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