Ramona Singer: an iconic Real Housewife, author of My Life On The Ramona Coaster, and now our new staff therapist. The OG RHONY cast member dropped by BuzzFeed to guide some of our staffers through this thing we call life. Of course, it wouldn't be a therapy session with Ramona unless there was some Ramona Pinot Grigio, so she brought some of that along with her. Now turtle time could begin. This is #RamonaTherapy.
First up was Kevin.
Kevin Smith: A lot of my friends take my kindness for weakness. How do I get around that?
Ramona Singer: Kindness for weakness... Do you want to give me an example? I think I need a concrete example.
KS: You know how you'll do nice things for your friends and never expect anything back, but when they do things for you, they automatically expect something back? Whether it's loaning them five dollars — I don't care about it, but they'll ask me for it back immediately.
RS: To me that example is not showing you're weak, it's just showing that you're generally a kind person and the other people sound like users.
Kevin: So maybe I need to get rid of the users?
RS: I've learned in life you can't get rid of all your friends, because then you have no friends. You have to know who to keep really close and who's just a fair-weather friend.
RS: The other day my girlfriend, she needed 10 dollars so I gave her 10 dollars. She said I'll give it back to you later. I said don't worry about it. She gave me back the money — I said, "Stop, stop, keep your money, I don't want your money." Whereas another person might say, "I lent you 10 dollars, can I have it back now?" That's ridiculous. I could see if it's 1,000 or 2,000, but even then... no one should ask for it. I just think if you're being gracious enough to lend money, then the person who is your friend should be gracious enough to give it back to you in time. Someone who is looking for it immediately, to me that's a character flaw.
Matt sought Ramona's advice next.
Matt Stopera: How do you respond to someone who calls you fake, when you really aren't being fake?
RS: Do you want to give me an example?
MS: If someone's like, "Will you go out with me to the bar tonight?" And you say, "I really can't, I really don't want to go." And they are like, "Stop being fake with me, just come." And you're like, "I'm actually really tired!" How do you get them to believe you when they think you are being fake?
RS: Well, they are trying to push you to do something you don't want to do.
MS: Exactly. So how do you get them to believe you?
RS: Maybe they are pushing because they want to see you. So maybe you say, "You know, I'm really tired, but I want to see you. Had I not stayed up late last night and read Ramona's book the Ramona Coaster last night, or had so much wine or tequila, I would go. So let's make another plan. They're disappointed and they want to see you. Are you bailing on them last minute or something?
MS: No i just feel like at this point one of the worst things people can call you is fake.
RS: How's it being fake to say you can't hang out?
MS: Because sometimes people think you're being shady or whatever.
RS: Maybe the better thing to say is "I have another commitment tonight. I can't see you so how about tomorrow, or next Tuesday or Wednesday?" Of course if you don't like them, say, "You know, I'm really busy, we'll have to catch up another time." Don't make a set time.
MS: So I have one minor question then. If someone wants to hang out with you, but you don't want to, how do you not hang out with someone when you know they are trying to make plans?
RS: Well, when you see them calling on your phone, you just don't answer.
MS: If they keep on calling, don't answer?
RS: Just don't answer.
MS: Just never answer?
RS: Just don't answer.
MS: So, just don't answer.
RS: Don't answer.
Editor's note: seems Ramona is PRO ghosting.
Next up was Keely.
Keely Flaherty: My questions is, I want to know if I should move out of New York City or not. Maybe to L.A. or just somewhere friendlier. I went to college here.
Ramona Singer: Where did you go to college?
KF: I went to NYU.
RS: That's a tough school to get socialized. People don't really integrate well in that school.
KF: That's so true — how did you know?
RS: Because I know. Because I'm Ramona. Because I know.
KF: That's something that people who didn't go to school there usually know. But that's so true. So I've been here for eight years, so I'm like, should I stay? Should I go?
RS: So the reason you're having these feelings is because you feel like you're not socializing enough? You don't have friends? Is that what you are telling me?
KF: I've just been here for so long I feel like it's time for a change. And the city is so unfriendly in a lot of ways. It's so expensive, and it's hard to socialize, it's true.
RS: Well you can't go back into the past, but joining clubs and associations. If you don't have a set boyfriend and you don't want to end up on crummy dates, if you're single the best thing is to go out with your girlfriends. Now that I'm single that's what I do! I go out with my girlfriends and gay friends!
RS: So I would join some kind of a club, either a Junior League club or a fitness club. Take up bowling, or golf. You've got to get out there. You're not going to meet anyone sitting in your apartment, and you can't go home. You know how you make effort with your work, to get ahead with your work? You've got to make an effort in your personal life, too. Going to another city isn't going to change anything. You're still going to be doing the same thing. So if you're not happy here, you won't be happy somewhere else. I could be wrong, I don't know. But I think maybe you haven't immersed yourself in the city. And yeah, the city is expensive, but I had a roommate. And there are places now to live in Brooklyn or Queens — those are very happening areas. Or Hoboken. I think number one you have to have a more positive attitude. I think your attitude is holding you back. People can feel that; people pick up your energy.
KF: Is my energy bad?
RS: Well you're kind of like forlorn. You're like, well, I don't know if I should be here. I don't know if I should leave. So I can just see you going out like to a bar or restaurant being like, "Oh, I don't know if I should be here, maybe I should be living in Denver, why am I in New York?"
KF: How do you know all of these things? You know my old spirit.
RS: I just know these things. Life experience.
Ryan was up next.
Ryan Creed: My question is what can an aging gentleman do to look younger without looking sad or desperate?
RS: OK, why would someone look sad if they are trying to look young or desperate?
RC: Oh, because they are not acting their age. Because basically I'm one of the older people at BuzzFeed.
RS: Well, you're actually one of the most handsome ones here.
RC: Oh stop.
RS: I'm serious. I wouldn't say it unless I believed it. Well, it looks like you work out — I'm getting up there in age, people are always amazed by my age. They wonder how I look so good. So one way is I work out with free weights. It promotes something in your system that's anti-aging. And it cuts and tones. And it makes you healthier — that's number one. Number two, wrinkles get really bad when you get old. You look like you have pretty good skin. You have to always wear a hat in the sun and also sunblock. The other thing with men and women is they do tend to get some natural wrinkles [around the eyes] so my good friend — Dr. Sharon Geise! Which I wrote about in the book! — does a lot of alternative anti-aging things such as Botox and other things for the eyes and —
RC: What about hair dyeing? Should men do it or not do it?
RS: I happen to think men who have hair, that a little silver looks really sexy. Nothing sexier than a full head of hair with some white going through it. Your hair looks perfectly beautiful — you have great hair.
*Ryan gets up to walk away*
RS: And dressing. You look hip, so it's all about the dressing.
RC: That's the thing, I'm a little too old. *Ryan walks offscreen*
RS: No you're not, you look great. You look great, Ryan, stop. Don't tell people your age. Stop already. How old are you? Ageless. That's always my answer.
Augusta was the next to seek advice from Ramona.
Augusta Falletta: I'm trying to make new friends in the city. I have my base of friends here, but I'm trying to branch out a bit, and I want your advice on how and where to do it.
RS: Number one, to branch out, it means you have to go out one night without your current friends, because they are going to feel left out. And when you go out you kind of tend to always be with them because they are safe and comfortable. Let me think, I don't know what your interests are. Maybe join a book club, or wine club, or a bowling league. Join a tennis league or a gym. What's really important, right now like you are with me — you're making eye contact and have a smile on your face, that's a good thing. There's a lot of wine bars around. I think when people go there, where the buzz is. You can go by yourself or maybe with a great gay friend, male gay friend, so it's not threatening to another woman, to just meet other people. You know I meet people wherever I go. Just in the elevator. "Hi, how are you? How's your day? Have a good day?" You never know where you're going to meet somebody. You just have to be open and engaging.
And lastly, Sarah had an important question:
Sarah Kobos: How do you deal with the haters?
RS: The haters? Oh, I don't deal with them. I just ignore them.