1.
growing my own toilet paper
2.
"I'm going out" • boring • obvious • might be illegal now? "I'm going outside for my state approved singular daily walk" • Mysterious • Kinda Soviet • Good for public health
3.
every other company: a message from our ceo duolingo: hey keep learning your french bitch
4.
Working from home means I can boil eggs for lunch, and don't have to carry a pre-boiled egg on public transport into the city (aka "pervert mode")
5.
I'm sorry if I've watched your Instagram story 13 seconds after it was posted I have Nothing. To. Do.
6.
Changed my automatic email sign off To “the world will never be the same, Annie”
7.
my quarantine schedule: 3:00pm: wake up 3:30pm: dread 4:00pm: coffee and brooding 5:00pm: more coffee and brooding 6:00pm: anxiety attack 7:00pm: dwelling on the past 2:00am: light weeping 2:30am: dread and skincare
8.
Pollen still coming out during a global pandemic??? Bitch read the room
9.
How many pores does everyone have
10.
so far mac n cheese time has been the best part of my daily quarantine schedule
11.
all I do is produce dirty dishes and scream
12.
It’s Tuesday, or as we call it now: day
13.
your ex is going Live with your 5th grade teacher tonight at 9PM
14.
me ordering delivery in February: -lazy -needlessly expensive -pathetic me ordering delivery now: -heroism -singlehandedly keeping every small business afloat -Nobel Prize in Economics
15.
When ur cooped up at home why don’t you ... wrap your throw blanket around your neck to wear as a scarf — as it looks like they do in France .. I’m not kidding .. some people over there are def wearing like full blankets .. it works too .. makes legs look skinny as well ..
16.
A neighbour is blowing bubbles from their garden. Great, whimsical little flying blisters of plague.
17.
u know the quar is bad when taylor and kim are relitigating an already resolved story line from 2016
18.
starting a new coronavirus quarantine fitness challenge!!! reply with your appallingly low daily steps total number. ❤️❤️love and light❤️❤️ mine from yesterday is:
19.
I can’t name a single good thing that has happened since you were born. this is all your fault https://t.co/Np0Jbl2gBF
20.
What started as a gag birthday gift from my sister has turned into my greatest treasure.
21.
constantly having to remind myself that my chest feels tight due to crippling anxiety and not COVID-19
22.
Me trying to understand how some of you are "quarantining" with different people in your Instagram stories every day
23.
How am I supposed to become a chef in quarantine when all I have is ramen and anxiety
24.
how many salads do u have to eat before u get a 6 pack
25.
Mfs who bought all the toilet paper up, update us. I bet yall not even shitting like that huh
26.
read a book?? I’m quarantined not a virgin 😂
27.
the first company to start an email with "shit's real out here, ain't it?" instead of "in these trying/challenging/changing times" has me as a customer for life
28.
[day 8 of quarantine] *look at chair* you are JEALOUS of me. you always have been