And we are long overdue for a good hard look at all of the videos that she has posted, because I tell ya, they are what god intended when she invented Instagram.
First, let's discuss her most recent video. She's playing "Happy Birthday" (for Reese Witherspoon!) on the saxophone while wearing a marching band outfit. I never could have imagined that we'd be this lucky. I mean, she's marching and has a little music stand attached to her sax! She is single handedly putting Kenny G out of business. This video ended Kenny G.
Now lettuce discuss #tututuesdays. Basically, every Tuesday she posts a clip of a ballet dancer and does a voiceover talking about why they are so great. Exhibit A:
And here is Exhibit D. There are tons of more exhibits on her Instagram but you can go check them out yourself. Really though, I'd like to know where Jennifer is doing these voiceovers. Like, in a booth? Through her computer? Is she editing her voice over these clips? Is she just recording her screen? Idk, but they are works of art and I love them!!
Now let's take a gander at the videos that she calls "B📚📚ks With Birdie 🐦" (Birdie is her dog). In them she reads to her dog, who is wearing glasses and is therefore an intellectual.
Sometimes these story times are themed. For example, this is a Christmas one. Also, you'll notice that Jennifer occasionally pants like a dog in an attempt to communicate with Birdie. I commend her efforts!
But she doesn't just talk to her pet dog. She also talks to her pet chicken — whose name is Regina George, by the way. I'm not even talking small talk. I'm talking extended conversations. I didn't even know she had this in her. Makes me wanna be a chicken!!
Now let's move on to her birthday posts. This is a slideshow she made for her dad. It's set to the song "September." I really hope she is the one that edited this and put the music over it, and if that's the case, give this girl a raise!!
There's also this birthday video she made for a friend of hers. What it lacks in music it makes up for in hearts. LOOK AT ALL THE HEARTS. I don't even know how to do this. It's beautiful, some of Jennifer's best work!
Ok, now let's look at her ~behind the scenes~ stuff. Here she complains about playing the saxophone for a commercial. The same one she happily played for Reese Witherspoon. But I get it, some days you wanna sax and some days you don't!
Next let's just take a quick look at what I call "Regret." A perfect short film. When she says "America" so many emotions come rushing in. It's a genius piece!
And of course we can't have a discussion about her Instagram videos without talking about #Pretendcookingshow!! It is arguably the best fake cooking show in production.
And honestly the best part is that she's not afraid to show us when she fails. She's only human!! Sometimes her bagels suck and she has to thrown them away!! And when that happens she makes a video and uses the crème de la crème of sound effects to help illustrate the calamity. Just make sure you watch until you hear the "car crash."
And finally, name another famous person that was once married to Ben Affleck's back tattoo that has made David After The Dentist obsolete. YOU CAN'T. Because only Jennifer Garner has done that, and this video will live forever in our hearts and internets.
In conclusion, I'm really glad we had this talk! Now it's easy to see how shitty our lives were before September 1, 2017, a time before Jennifer Garner was on Instagram. Before we were truly happy. Now life is better. K bye!
