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Everything You Need To Know About The World's Biggest Dinosaurs

I went and now I want to tell you about it.

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The World's Biggest Dinosaurs is a random roadside attraction in Palm Springs, California. They are also known as the Cabazon Dinosaurs. I went there this weekend because why wouldn't I drive 1.5 hours to see a couple dinosaur statues in the desert??!?

Also, it's part creationist museum!

Sorry for this really shitty picture. I didn't realize how shitty it was until this moment.

Sorry for this really shitty picture. I didn't realize how shitty it was until this moment.

Creationists believe that humans and dinosaurs existed on the earth at the same time. But we'll get to that later!

When you drive up to the dinosaurs the first thing you'll see is — YOU GUESSED IT! — the dinosaurs. They are the world's biggest after all!!!

This is me in front of the T-Rex. We look exactly alike!!

If you are wondering if it was scary standing in front of this dinosaur, the answer is YES. I'm no fool, I know a T-rex is no house pet!

If you are wondering if it was scary standing in front of this dinosaur, the answer is YES. I'm no fool, I know a T-rex is no house pet!

This is me in front of the other dinosaur, the apatosaurus.

He looks sad!

I don't know why he's sad. Maybe it's because all his friends are dead.

I don't know why he's sad. Maybe it's because all his friends are dead.

Now that I had seen both dinosaurs, it was time to go to the museum!

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Beware - It costs a pretty penny! I paid for my friend because I forced her to come with me.

But first — a bathroom stop! It got a little confusing since I was neither a girl nor a boy dinosaur. Honestly how the dinos even fit through these doors is beyond me.

I'm not your dad, but I make jokes like him!

I'm not your dad, but I make jokes like him!

The first part of the museum, which is actually more of a zoo-like structure with fake animals — is the Dino Dig. Here you can search for fossils and rocks.

I was the only person older than 11 in the Dino Dig. I asked a child what I was supposed to be doing since although it seems self explanatory, the instructions were unclear. He said "there are rocks with dinosaur names on it. If you find one you get a prize!" SAY NO MORE KID (I started digging). Around me children were finding rocks with names on them, and I was coming up empty handed. I was bitter and angry and had sand in my shoes. I left with nothing.

I was the only person older than 11 in the Dino Dig. I asked a child what I was supposed to be doing since although it seems self explanatory, the instructions were unclear. He said "there are rocks with dinosaur names on it. If you find one you get a prize!" SAY NO MORE KID (I started digging). Around me children were finding rocks with names on them, and I was coming up empty handed. I was bitter and angry and had sand in my shoes. I left with nothing.

After that was this cute little shed with a severed dinosaur head on it. It was still bleeding*!

Jk*

Jk*

Next up: the exhibits!

As I mentioned this is also a creationist museum, which means that lambs were alive when dinosaurs were alive.

This lamb is incredibly life-like. So much so that I was like "hey, how'd that lamb get in there?"

This lamb is incredibly life-like. So much so that I was like "hey, how'd that lamb get in there?"

It's the same reason there is a lion chillin' right by these other dinosaurs.

And another by these velociraptors!

Also these human people were alive and in grave danger.

Hey look out behind you!

Hey look out behind you!

The outdoor museum also included two sassy Triceratops.

A constipated stegosaurus:

Whoever this cute guy is that is also probably drunk or high:

And a dino butt hole!

In Conclusion: The dinosaurs were big — maybe even the biggest, I don't know, I haven't seen any others. But was it worth my 17 dollars and a few hours of my time? YES SIR.

This roadside attraction gets Lauren's stamp of approval with a "Just go to it, why the heck not!"

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