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19 Questions Britain Has For Germany

We love you, but you confuse the hell out of us. Could you help us clear a few things up? Questions crowdsourced from the BuzzFeed UK team.

Luke Lewis
by Luke Lewis

BuzzFeed Executive Editor, UK

1. Why do you have to invent a word for literally everything?

cosmopolitan.co.uk

See also:

Backpfeifengesicht – a face that cries out for a fist in it.

Dreimannerwein – a wine so disgusting that it takes three men to make you drink it.

Treppenwitz – the things you should have said that only occur to you when it is too late.

These are all brilliant words for which we have no equivalent. Stop making the English language look bad.

2. While we're on the subject, why are your words so long?

youtube.com

No way is this an actual word that people use. Come on.

3. Why do your proverbs make no sense?

buzzfeed.com / Via James Chapman

"Die Kuh vom Eis holen" – Get the cow off the ice.

"Klappe zu, Affe tot" – Close the lid, the monkey is dead.

"Da liegt der Hase im Pfeffer" – The rabbit lies in pepper.

Utter nonsense, all of this. And yet, we have to admit, quite delightful.

4. Why do you have such weird insults?

Thinkstock / Tanner Greenring

Someone who can’t do anything right is called an “Arschgeige”, which translates as “ass violin”. I mean, it's inventive, sure. But how often is that an appropriate insult to hurl at someone? Ditto "Ihre Mutter säugt Schweine", which means “your mother suckles pigs”.

5. Why does “thanks” mean “no”?

youdontare.tumblr.com

German person: "Would you like a drink?"

Brit: "Danke!"

*German person shrugs and wanders off*

*Brit wonders where the fuck his drink is*

6. Why do your toilets have little shelves in them?

flushitblog.wordpress.com / Via Twitter: @mrdavehill

What is the purpose of such a thing? Surely you want whatever lands here to be swept away as far away as possible, as swiftly as possible?

7. What do you have against tap water?

gifsgallery.com

You never seem to drink it at home. Instead you'll have a fridge stocked full of sparkling bottled water. Meanwhile, in restaurants, waiters get unbelievably snooty if you ask for tap water to go with your meal. What's the deal?

8. What's your problem with fresh air?

gifsgallery.com

It seems to be a commonly held belief that a draft coming through an open window is a health hazard. Where does that come from? Are your homes and offices permanently stuffy as a result?

9. Is Frankfurt just a stopover airport or is it also a place?

Thomas Lohnes / Getty Images

Does anyone go there for any reason other than business? Is it just a city made up entirely of conference centres?

10. Why do you keep sticking memes to doors?

imgur.com / Via Frankenstone3D

11. Why are you so obsessed with sausages?

Sean Gallup / Getty Images

I mean, we understand. Sausages are lovely. Just not for every meal. Man cannot live by wurst alone. Calm down, chaps.

12. What in god's name is your problem with cheddar?

Flickr: loop_oh / Via Creative Commons

A nation of supposed cheese lovers, and yet it's almost impossible to find cheddar in any of your shops. Have you tried it? You should. It's really bloody nice.

13. Dickmann's? Seriously?

Matt Tucker / BuzzFeed
Matt Tucker / BuzzFeed

Why do all your snacks have to sound so rude? See also: Milch-Schnitte.

14. Were you guys ever really into David Hasselhoff as a pop star?

ZDF
youtube.com

ZDF

Like, genuinely? Or was it more an ironic, tongue-in-cheek sort of appreciation?

15. Why must you scare the crap out of your kids around Christmas with that devil Krampus guy? Why is that a fun thing to do?

Joerg Koch / AFP / Getty Images

We have the whole "naughty or nice" concept. But if you're naughty, the worst that happens is you don't get any presents – you don't get carted off and transported to hell. You guys are supposed to love Christmas. Why must you bring the devil into it?

16. English football fans consider Germany their ultimate rival. Is the feeling mutual?

Joern Pollex / Getty Images

Or are you not that bothered?

17. Do you get annoyed at always being accused of putting towels on sunbeds?

Tuned_in / Getty Images

Does the whole "towels on sunbeds" thing even make sense? Do you get the reference? Because it is kind of mean, now we think about it.

18. Is Oktoberfest literally a two-week festival devoted to getting shitfaced on lager, or is there more to it than that?

Johannes Simon / Getty Images

And if so, how come we haven't imported it to the UK yet?

Also, apparently it starts in September? WTF?

19. And is it true Fantakuchen – cake made out of Fanta – is a thing in Germany?