1. My dentures are haunted.
2. Argh. I cut off my own hand.
3. Please mum... let them cut off my legs.
4. Prongs of death. Killed with a pitchfork.
5. Stuffed in the freezer and left to die.
6. My little girl can't smile.
7. Burnt to a cinder... in the suntan salon.
8. Sadist tried to suck my eye out... then he snapped my arm.
9. Chopped up and fed to the dogs.
10. My love for the man with no face.
11. Killed... for a jar of pennies.
12. 4lb face tumour sliced off.
13. Stabbed in the neck after a family dinner.
14. Blimey. I've got 10st testicles.
15. Yuk. I've got a mouthful of leeches.
16. Jealous ex smashed my skull with a hammer.
17. Eugh. A killer bug ate my belly.
18. Hacked to bits in the bath.
19. I relived my head being severed.
20. Battered by a violent ghost, and I have the bruises to prove it.
21. Blimey, is this the jelly of death?
22. He saved my life... then stamped on my head.
23. Mum stabbed herself to death so I could be psychic.
24. An angry spirit was out to burn us alive.
25. A one-eyed seagull possesses my wronged enemy's soul.
26. Stabbed in the neck after a family dinner.
27. Baby bump? No... it was poo.
28. Fried alive as he slept on the sofa.
29. Argh. Did a rat eat my nose?
30. I breastfeed my dad to keep him alive.
31. Christmas at home with mum's dead body.
32. Attacked. By my sofa
33. Beaten to death for not saying please.
34. My baby died - just like in my nightmares.
35. A cursed necklace made him dump me.
36. Killer bug ate my boob.
37. Battered and thrown into the sea.
38. It took a skull... to show me how to love.
39. Massacre of the innocent.
40. Stabbed in front of her little girl.
41. Mutilated with a corkscrew.
42. Helpless as my stalker tried to burn my son alive.
43. Pick a child to die.
44. Raped for 50p and a biscuit.
45. The man who made dolls from the dead.
46. Stinky ghost in my house of hell.
47. Cursed to die in agony.
48. My mum's killer just laughed. Then sicko went to Blackpool for a beer and burger.
49. I heard souls sob in anger. Blood-sucking spirits had invaded killer's home.
50. Sexy, glamorous, lethal.
51. Yuk, it's raining snot.
52. Meet Ralph, my 10lb tumour.
53. My poor parrot. Ex ripped off his head.
54. Bodiless feet in my bathroom.
55. Slaughtered and baked in a pie.
56. My three dead pussies came back.
57. I smelt rotting flesh.
58. Lacerated by woman-hating spectre.
59. Locked in sweltering car, boiled to death.
60. Stabbed by an angry spirit. I screamed in agony.
61. Our living room's full of the dead.
62. Scalped in a row over Emmerdale.
63. Stabbed in the chest by a ghost.
64. Eaten alive as I gave birth.
65. Dinner? It's chicken tonight... and poison.