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    Jul 16, 2013

    36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

    Click below each question to reveal the answer. And prepare to groan.

    1. Which farmer sits on his tractor shouting, “The end is nigh.”?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Farmer Geddon.

    1. Woman at food fair: “Why is this cake more expensive than your other cake?”

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Stallholder: “That’s Madeira cake.”

    1. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Deep pan, crisp and even.

    1. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Caerphilly.

    1. What do you call a ghost at a hotel?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      An inn spectre.

    1. What’s the first sign of Madness?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Suggs walking up your driveway.

    1. What is Scotland’s friendliest motorway?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      M8.

    1. What was the worst thing about Robin Hood’s house?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      It had a little john.

    1. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Swarm.

    1. What is Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      1Forrest1.

    1. Why did the paranoid guy quit Twitter?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      He thought he was being followed.

    1. What’s Urdu?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      What you get from a Liverpool barbershop.

    1. What’s the scariest thing in geometry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      A vicious circle.

    1. Why are dwarfs good at maths?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Because it's the little things that count.

    1. What’s a quark?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      The sound a posh duck makes.

    1. How did the football pitch end up as a triangle?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Someone took a corner.

    1. What’s the quickest way to double your money?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fold it in half.

    1. What’s ET short for?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Because he’s got little legs.

    1. Do you know the difference between illegal and unlawful?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Unlawful means "against the law" and illegal is a sick bird.

    1. Why was the calendar depressed?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      His days were numbered.

    1. What do you call a three-foot-long aardvark?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      A yaardvark.

    1. Why don't owls date in the rain?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Because it's too wet to woo.

    1. Why did the barista quit his job?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      He hated the daily grind.

    1. Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Stripes and Czechs don't mix.

    1. How do you stop a bull from charging?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Take away his credit card.

    1. Customer: "Why do these cashews keep saying nice things about my hair?"

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Barman: "They're the complimentary nuts."

    1. What do you get when four giraffes collide?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      A giraffic jam.

    1. What do you call a cow with no legs?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Ground beef.

    1. Why was the archaeologist depressed?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      His career was in ruins.

    1. What do you get if you cross a soldier with a chilli?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      A pepperarmy.

    1. What's the most commonly misspelled blood group?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Typo.

    1. Barman: "How would you like to buy a vodka for 20p?"

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Customer: "That's a cheap shot and you know it."

    1. What do you do if a bird shits on your car?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Don't ask her out again.

    1. What do you call Santa's helpers?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Subordinate clauses.

    1. Why was the computer tired when it got home?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Because it had a hard drive.

    1. What do you call dyslexic owls?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Slow.

    All jokes via the following sources:

    1. The Mammoth Book Of One Liners, edited by Geoff Tibballs, published by Robinson.

    2. reddit.com/r/dadjokes.

    3. @baddadjokes.

    4. legendarydadjokes.tumblr.com.

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