36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

Click below each question to reveal the answer. And prepare to groan.

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  1. Which farmer sits on his tractor shouting, “The end is nigh.”?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Farmer Geddon.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Woman at food fair: “Why is this cake more expensive than your other cake?”

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Stallholder: “That’s Madeira cake.”

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Deep pan, crisp and even.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Caerphilly.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What do you call a ghost at a hotel?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    An inn spectre.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What’s the first sign of Madness?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Suggs walking up your driveway.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What is Scotland’s friendliest motorway?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    M8.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What was the worst thing about Robin Hood’s house?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    It had a little john.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Swarm.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What is Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    1Forrest1.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Why did the paranoid guy quit Twitter?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    He thought he was being followed.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What’s Urdu?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    What you get from a Liverpool barbershop.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What’s the scariest thing in geometry?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    A vicious circle.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Why are dwarfs good at maths?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Because it's the little things that count.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What’s a quark?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    The sound a posh duck makes.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. How did the football pitch end up as a triangle?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Someone took a corner.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What’s the quickest way to double your money?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Fold it in half.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What’s ET short for?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Because he’s got little legs.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Do you know the difference between illegal and unlawful?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Unlawful means "against the law" and illegal is a sick bird.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Why was the calendar depressed?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    His days were numbered.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What do you call a three-foot-long aardvark?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    A yaardvark.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Why don't owls date in the rain?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Because it's too wet to woo.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Why did the barista quit his job?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    He hated the daily grind.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Stripes and Czechs don't mix.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. How do you stop a bull from charging?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Take away his credit card.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Customer: "Why do these cashews keep saying nice things about my hair?"

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Barman: "They're the complimentary nuts."

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What do you get when four giraffes collide?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    A giraffic jam.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What do you call a cow with no legs?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Ground beef.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Why was the archaeologist depressed?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    His career was in ruins.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What do you get if you cross a soldier with a chilli?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    A pepperarmy.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What's the most commonly misspelled blood group?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Typo.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Barman: "How would you like to buy a vodka for 20p?"

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Customer: "That's a cheap shot and you know it."

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What do you do if a bird shits on your car?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Don't ask her out again.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What do you call Santa's helpers?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Subordinate clauses.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. Why was the computer tired when it got home?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Because it had a hard drive.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

  1. What do you call dyslexic owls?

    Answer
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Slow.

36 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh/Wince

All jokes via the following sources:

1. The Mammoth Book Of One Liners, edited by Geoff Tibballs, published by Robinson.

2. reddit.com/r/dadjokes.

3. @baddadjokes.

4. legendarydadjokes.tumblr.com.