1.
Because sometimes you buy a loaf of Kingsmill only to find it has been sliced the wrong way.
2.
Because sometimes you open a packet of Hula Hoops and find one that is unacceptably large.
3.
Because sometimes you try to buy a Wispa from a vending machine, and this happens.
4.
Because there are people out there who go to the supermarket wearing a pyjama onesie.
5.
And people who take their shirts off on the tube.
6.
And commuters who think this sort of behaviour is acceptable.
7.
Because supermarkets stock "Easter crackers" now.
8.
Not to mention crisps with deeply upsetting flavours.
9.
Because Freddos have become dismayingly expensive.
10.
Because sometimes you go shopping and everything's just a bit confusing.
11.
That's if the shops are even open.
12.
Because people these days can be shockingly impolite.
13.
Because everyone is weirdly combative all the time, even this branch of Waitrose.
14.
Because our young people have no idea how to behave.
15.
And will take photos of literally anything.
16.
Because sometimes people park like this.
17.
Because the people who put adverts in phone boxes simply can't be trusted.
18.
Same goes for the people who put adverts on buses.
19.
Because the pigeons are out of control.
20.
Because British society has become so sexualised, even the kids' toys seem vaguely seedy.
21.
Because our wildlife is a constant source of disappointment.
22.
Because our leading football team are terrible, and not even heroic acts of patriotism like this were enough to inspire them in the World Cup.
23.
Because sometimes our entrepreneurial spirit is found wanting.
24.
In fact it sometimes feels like we'll try to flog any old tat.
25.
And even when you do spot a discount, it's often just a bit underwhelming.
26.
Because eating out is generally a letdown.
27.
Because everyone is grumpy all the time, even after they're dead.
28.
And because the seagulls have declared war, and will probably win.
