1. Our restaurants use only the finest and freshest ingredients
2. Though their preparation techniques can be somewhat puzzling
3. And sometimes you have to wonder what goes into our meat
4. Still, all the big-name fast food outlets can be found here
5. And all sorts of refreshing beverages are available
6. You can expect to come across unusual combinations
7. And exotic services
8. Some of our food may not sound all that appetising
9. And our eating establishments may not sound especially glamorous
10. But top-quality produce is available on every street corner
11. Just be aware that not EVERYTHING is edible
12. Our street markets arguably leave a little to be desired
13. And the products on offer may seem underwhelming
14. But hey, at least we're honest about it
15. Admittedly, customer service is not always all it could be
16. And things aren't always labelled clearly
17. Or spelt correctly
18. Plus, the 'bargains' on offer can be disappointing
19. Our shops aren't always imaginatively named
20. And we sometimes struggle with window displays
21. And OK, so our technology can be a little unreliable too
22. Rules and regulations aren't always observed
23. But that doesn't stop us trying to enforce them
24. Be warned: London is not always paradise for kids
25. In fact the whole place can seem quite unwelcoming to the untrained eye
26. Sometimes the place is so unfriendly it can seem like even the road signs are mocking you
27. You'll get used to it after a while though
28. And, on the plus side, our beautiful parks are famous the world over
29. In fact London has more green space than any other big city on Earth
30. Meanwhile, our travel agents are out of this world
31. As a society we're so polite and considerate
32. We love to think up puns
33. We're fond of a swear word or two
34. Our lorry drivers are especially fond of a joke
35. As are our van drivers
36. Admittedly some might describe our sense of humour as puerile
37. For example, we'll never pass up the opportunity to do this sort of thing
38. And it may take you a while to get to grips with all our slang terms
39. But Londoners are a helpful bunch, and are always happy to correct your mistakes
40. And offer friendly advice
41. We have a healthy lack of respect for authority
42. We can be highly creative when it suits us
43. And we are VERY discerning when it comes to pornography
44. So come to London! See the sights!
45. And don't forget to tell all your friends about the time you visited the most magical, glamorous and welcoming city on the planet
Huge thanks to Shit London for these photos. You might like to follow on Twitter, or even order the Shit London book.