1. Dan Aykroyd (who also wrote and directed) plays a 106-year-old judge.
His name is Alvin Valkenheiser, and he fought in World War I.
2. His prosthetic nose is pretty clearly a penis.
I mean, there’s no denying that, right?
4. He also drinks hot Hawaiian punch.
What the hell.
5. The judge makes criminals ride Mr. Bonestripper, a deadly roller coaster whose name kind of says it all.
This is the stuff of nightmares.
6. John Candy is in drag. A lot.
He plays Eldona.
7. Here’s John Candy in a wedding dress.
8. Reminder: THIS IS AN ACTUAL MOVIE.
Just in case you forgot.
9. Chevy Chase and Demi Moore have a romantic subplot.
I’m not even sure why it’s icky. It just is.
10. There’s this whole thing where they get caught in a ball pit?
It’s not really a ball pit, which doesn’t make this any less weird.
11. And then they find Jimmy Hoffa’s body.
12. There’s a random (and lengthy) performance by Digital Underground.
You might remember them as the group behind “The Humpty Dance.” You hopefully don’t remember them from this awful movie.
14. There are two mutant twins named Bobo and Lil Debbull.
Dan Aykroyd also plays “Bobo.” It’s all really upsetting.
15. They play with Demi Moore, and it’s weirdly sexual.
But also childlike? Shudder.