Parents Are Sharing Things They Secretly "Hate" About Their Kids, And Wow, I'm Actually Speechless
"I had to face the fact that my son is a raging narcissist. No one knows what a nightmare he is — but I do."
Warning: This post contains mentions of pregnancy loss and abuse.
We recently wrote a post where parents of the BuzzFeed Community shared things they secretly dislike about their kids. In the comments, parents shared even more things their kids do that they actually "hate." Here are some of the most shocking ones:
1. "After his mom died, I stopped disciplining my son. I thought if I gave him everything I never had — the coolest clothes, shoes, toys, dirt bikes, game consoles, etc. — it would make me a good parent. I was wrong. He's about to turn 18, and I can't even stand to be in the same room as him."
"He's manipulative, mean, arrogant, and condescending — and it's all my fault. I am looking into family therapy for us."
2. "My 5-year-old is overly sensitive and cries at the drop of a hat. Almost anything she doesn't like or want sets her off. And I'm not talking a little teary-eyed — like, full-on meltdowns."
"I'm not saying that we're a family of robots, and she can't have emotions, but when she sees her sister put foods together that she wouldn't want together, that shouldn't warrant a screaming fit."
3. "My kid has trouble focusing on schoolwork, so when he gets home, he constantly puts me in impossible positions. I can't put him somewhere quiet, or he'll claim he's afraid to be alone. I can't put him out in the open, or things and other people will distract him. He refuses to work on anything without my help and encouragement, so when HE has homework, I ALSO have homework; but if I ask him to do something on his own, he'll immediately get distracted and start playing with something else. It's maddening."
"I can't win, and everyone in the house is held hostage when he has to do the tiny amount of homework he has."
4. "I am a stepparent. I love my son so much, but he's a slob. And he married a slob with two slobby children — and they had another child who is our adored grandson and likely also a future slob. Their house is always filthy, and by filthy, I mean FILTHY. They have five dogs and at least two cats inside the house. The dogs are untrained, so they chew through everything and crap on the floor. It smells like a cat box, and dishes are never washed and sit caked with food wherever they leave it. Laundry is piled high against the walls in the bedrooms, and you have to pick a path across the living room dodging toys, dishes, dog crap. They don't even have proper beds (we've given them three; don't know where they went). They sleep on bare mattresses on the floor — sheets optional."
"The kids smell like a dirty litter box and go to school in wrinkled, dirty clothing. It's humiliating for us and frightening. They've been reported to [DYFS], but I don't know what they did because the house is still a sh*thole. The whole situation makes me so angry; I don't trust myself with either of them. Neither of them were raised in dirty houses. I don't like either one of them, but I love them all very much."
5. "Parenting isn't for wimps. I love my kids more than anything, but the truth is, when you have children, you kiss your privacy goodbye. I'm an introvert who needs alone time from every one — including my wife."
"We have two kids now, and I've given up hope that I will ever have any quality alone time again, and this is driving me nuts. I deal with it, but it sucks."
6. "My children fight constantly, point out each other's flaws like no other, and the little one doesn't give one single F about personal space or that mom needs a break sometimes. I love them to pieces, but I don't always like how they act. You can still love your child, but not like them every now and then."
7. "For my adult son, nothing is his fault, and everyone else in the world is wrong. I finally had to face the fact that he is a raging narcissist. He gaslights everyone, and then wonders why no one likes him. I feel so sorry for his wife and two kids."
"His wife is from another country and has no family here. She’s asked me to talk to him, but I told her that if I do, he’ll know she asked me. I let her know that if she ever needs to leave him, I’ll be there to help. No one knows what a nightmare he is like I do. My oldest child is an absolute sweetheart and nothing like her brother. He’s alienated everyone in our family, and no one wants to be around him."
8. "I love my children, but they are too much like me. I like to think that as a parent, part of my job is to eliminate my foibles by helping my children be better than me. Instead, my failure as a parent has been creating copies; what I dislike about them is also what I hate about myself."
"Sometimes the harder you try, the bigger you fail."
9. "I do resent my son. I got pregnant while taking birth control, my husband and I had sworn that we wouldn't have kids, but we kept this baby. He fell ill when he was a baby, and it ended up costing thousands in bills and caused a lifetime of developmental problems. We treat him normally, don't tell him why he goes to his therapies, and to anyone who meets him, they have no idea that there is anything wrong. He has put a great strain on what was once a very good relationship. My husband and I were together for four years before having him — we rarely fought. After having him, we fight all the time."
"My husband works long hours to try and pay off all of the medical bills, which leaves me to basically be a single parent. I love my son. I bust my ass trying to give him an ordinary life, but I hate what he has done to the relationship I had with my husband. I hate the stress that his illnesses have put on my life."
10. "I have an extremely competitive child. There's crying on the playground because the other kid climbed higher and table-flipping board games during family night when he didn’t win. He’s grown out of probably the worst of it with a lot of love, encouragement, mirroring behavior, and positive reinforcement. I stopped letting him win at family game night just to avoid the tantrum; we play fair, and if he loses, too bad, buddy! He still will consider the whole day a horrible day if he comes in second once during the five races at recess."
"Video games are impossible to curb the competition behavior; I’ve cut my losses there and consider it a win now that he doesn’t leave every pick-up football game in the park if he doesn’t make ONE catch ONE time. I’m not competitive at all, so the difference made for some tough times; I just tried to relate how he feels when he doesn’t 'win' to how I feel when the dishwasher is loaded not how I like it."
11. "I hate my daughter because she has all the bad characteristics of her mother — and none of the good ones. She's mean, aggressive, demanding, hits her classmates, gets violent when she doesn't get what she wants, breaks things that aren't hers, and yells loudly to overpower anyone around her when she can't use physical violence. She actually looks down on everyone around her; it's wild you can actually see it. She's 6."
"Obviously, I am not the one who raises her. She's got a hard life ahead of her. Poor girl."
12. "My oldest is 15 and used to be so close to me. He’s turned into someone I don’t even know. He has no motivation, is failing school, and is the laziest person I know. He does nothing around the house, and he thinks he can come and go when he wants — and it's mind blowing that this child came from me."
"It’s honestly heartbreaking and feels like I failed miserably as a parent."
13. "Child here. My mother does not like me because she never got attached to me at birth. A year before my twin sister and I were born, our parents had triplets who all died after a few days. Untreated trauma followed. I was born and nearly suffocated, so my mother, wanting to protect herself from more trauma, never attached to me. She did, however, to my twin sister, who was born healthy and thrived."
"Years went by, and this initial lack of attached turned into resentment or dislike during my childhood, because by the time we were 8 years old, our parents were divorced, and I physically resembled my dead-beat father. This only worsened during my teenage years, as I was beginning to act up after years of neglect and became depressed. She disliked the signs of her own doing neglectful parenting and lack of love in me. I remind her of that. Ever since, we've pretended to get along, but the relationship is never really there. I am a mother of two myself now and have taken all of this on board, trying to do better. I am also trying to understand her. That ultimately this was not her fault."
14. "My stepdaughter is so disgusting with her room. It's kept me from getting close to her. I mean, it's a real problem, and we have tried everything. Now I just feel done."
15. "When my daughter was born, she had colic and screamed and screamed and screamed. She hated the car, hated her swing, hated being rocked, hated her stroller, walking, sitting — she hated everything. We couldn't take her anywhere because of the incessant screaming. At her checkups, my husband would have to take her out of the room, so I could hear the doctor. The only thing that would make her quiet for even a minute was the vacuum cleaner. I used to sit with her, vacuum running beside us, for hours."
"She's 6 now and still really, really high-spirited. She's opinionated, complicated, independent, and stubborn as a mule — but she's also loyal, giving, and loves people fearlessly. If she were a tornado, she'd be an F5. I love her, and I'm not sure I've ever known anyone like her, but she makes me so f**king tired, and I struggle with my patience."
16. "As much as I tried to raise him to be caring and respectful to everyone, my son grew up to be his father. Abusive to women — including me."
17. "My oldest is 19 and will graduate this year. His lack of concern/respect for other people really worries me. He wasn't raised to be an a-hole, but here we are. He is mean, rude, and a bully to his siblings; he even behaves that way at work and school (which means he doesn't have many friends). His little sister was crying recently about a very scary situation for her, and he didn't react. I asked why he didn't seem to care that she was upset, and he said, 'I don't feel bad when people cry, Mom. I get mad at them because they're weak.'"
"We're trying to teach him how to drive, and the other day, he almost clipped a UPS truck on a tight street. My husband said that he'd told him to pull aside and let the truck pass, but he risked it and almost got hit instead. Then, he turned to my husband and yelled, 'That UPS guy should have moved out of my way.' He's enlisting in the Marines as soon as he graduates. I hope they give him a huge attitude adjustment. He scares me."
18. "I love my child deeply, and generally I like her very much, but right now, she's living with me as a young adult in a tiny space. No doubt, we don't like each other much lately. She rightly resents the limits in what I was able to provide for her now and as a child, and I wish she could go make young-person mistakes somewhere else and leave me in peace. But we will be OK."
19. "My 11-year-old son used to be the kindest-hearted person I knew, and now he is the complete opposite. It’s all about him first. It gets worse when he visits his dad. He comes back acting like such an a-hole to me and especially his little sister and stepdad."
"Right now he hasn’t seen his dad in over a month because dad just had a baby and wanted bonding time with his newborn and girlfriend, and I can see my son changing back to the sweet, kind boy he used to be. It’s really sad."
20. "I dated a guy for five years, and he was the sole parent of a 6-year-old kid, but he would basically not do anything to care for her and wouldn't even see her for days on end. I felt I had to step in and help out, and he basically dumped raising her on me. I tried to make things special for her, planned outings and whatnot. She never expressed gratitude, and she'd have temper tantrums saying that things weren't enough, I wasn't spending enough money, etc. Her father was also manipulative. If I took time for myself, he would tell her it was because I was being 'selfish.' She picked up on this, and would threaten to tattle on me if I didn't do something or told her I needed alone time."
"When her father and I split up, it was hard because I knew her dad wasn't willing to parent at all, and I knew she would be neglected — no one deserves that, but I had to get out of the bad, abusive relationship. We kept in touch for a while, but her dad started using her as a weapon, so I broke contact. Now she posts angry messages on Facebook directed at me. She is entering her teen years and blames her problems on me."
21. "I can say there was a brief period in time where I disliked my youngest. I need to say I loved him and would have given up my life for him, but I did not like him. When he was a preteen, he tried to test the limits of our parenting and would question and/or resist EVERYTHING!"
"It was a trying time, but now, he's 17 and probably my best friend. We enjoy being together and working on projects around the house."
22. "Every single parent, if they are being honest (unless they have an uncommonly easy child), has days like this. My oldest was so easy and wonderful; he tricked me into having my second child. My second child is so difficult; there are legitimately days I fantasize about dropping my kids off at a fire station, using the last of my money to buy a flight to India, and starting a new life in an ashram somewhere, working in a field for my supper."
23. "My daughter is so stereotypically girly — makeup and Barbies. I don't like those things at all. I try to indulge her, but she can sense my lack of excitement. I hate that we can't connect."
24. "Not my child, but my husband's youngest son from his first marriage. I don't hate him — I care very much for him — but he is impossible to like. He's 12 and completely incapable of entertaining himself in any way. If he isn't pacified with the TV or some other electronic device, he's wandering the house being as loud and obnoxious as possible because bad attention is still attention. He'll also play video games all day and even pretend to be sick to stay home from school to play them. He has a time limit, but will lie and sneak to try to play longer. Taking away these things does no good. He'll continue to be an obnoxious, annoying sh*t until he can play again."
"I love my husband more than anything, and his other kids and my kid are no issue at all; it's just the youngest. He makes me feel like a monster."
25. "Sibling here. My mom has told me she flat-out hates my sister — she just has zero patience for her crap. I honestly don't blame her because my sister is 21 but behaves like she's still 16. She's very dramatic, self-centered, fake, rude, and especially abusive toward family members."
26. "My 11-year-old is pretty good, but he definitely has some issues that seem to be beyond my capacity to resolve. Problem is he REFUSES to go to therapy — and if I forced him, it wouldn't be effective. I think some of his issues are due to his age, but it can be really stressful at times."
27. "I love both my kids, and I generally like them just fine, too. But my youngest is almost 5, and she's going through some kind of regression in being able to control her emotions right now. It's not fun."
"Her moods are very mercurial, and I feel like I always have to tiptoe around her because the slightest little things will set off a bout of incoherent rage in her."
28. "My son is 13, and he is just angry. He mopes around and is only content when he is playing those damned video games. But when we let him play too much, he is just horrible afterward. When I was his age, I was angry too. So, I understand him better than he realizes."
"He has always been a sweet kid, and I know that he will be again when we get through this, but right now, we just don't have much in common. It isn't that I don't like him — he just isn't very pleasant to be around these days."
29. "I love my children dearly, but I don't like them a lot of the time. I don't feel as connected to them as I think I should anymore. For the first few years of their life, I was almost the sole care provider, but once they gained some coordination, became 'interesting,' and arguably more durable, their father started taking a more active role. And both times, my relatively well-behaved, moderately quiet children changed. I accept that wrestling, play fighting, and pranks are a thing — but now there's so much attitude, and screaming, and entitlement."
"When I stopped being able to be the fun parent, my sway over them ended, and I feel guilty as all hell that I can only stand being with them together for limited periods of time — I low-key dread family activities. I don't want to roughhouse like their father; I can't handle the yelling, screaming, and the damn high-pitched squealing. They are completely different when they're away from their father and sibling. It took a long time to accept the people they are becoming. I'm waiting until being the more conventionally useful parent is a good thing to them again."
30. "Not a parent but a child. The last thing my dad said to me was he hated my very existence because I meant he couldn't go out and party anymore. He still totally went out and partied all the time."
31. "I remarried a wonderful man about two years ago. I have two kids of my own, and he has a daughter who is almost 8. I don't necessarily dislike my stepdaughter all the time — I have just had to distance myself a bit. She has no manners, no respect, is spoiled, and will whine until she gets her way. I once overheard her tell her great-grandmother to shut up. I also heard her tell her mom, 'You are the most disgusting person I ever met.' When they scold her, she always tries to say she was 'just joking,' and then she will start crying and saying things like, 'Nobody wants me around.'"
"I try my best with my stepdaughter and had such high hopes for a close relationship with her, but I have found that our personalities clash. My husband tries his best to make her act right, but every time she goes back to her mom's or her grandparents', it gets worse because they spoil her. She also likes to torment my cats. And she once tried harming my 9-month-old granddaughter by putting rocks in her pocket — even after I explained how dangerous it is to give a baby rocks because they can choke, get injured, or even die. My nerves just can't handle any of this anymore."
Parents, have you had any similar experiences or stories? Let us know in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.