Over the years, family lawyers have taken to the internet to share the behind-the-scenes of their job — and let's just say...things can get pretty ugly.
So, here are just some of the most unexpected, shocking, and unbelievable things they've shared that happened during a divorce or custody battle that will give you an eye-opening look at what it's really like to be a family lawyer:
Note: Submissions were pulled from this Reddit thread by u/DarkFander14 and this one by u/snoopfrog5.
1. "Divorce lawyer here. A spouse had been out of the house for weeks. She waited until he was on a business trip, came into the house, turned on all of the faucets, plugged the drains, turned off the furnace, and left. It was -10 degrees. He came back five days later. The house was ruined. The water froze and cracked the foundation."
2. "Not my case, but during my first year of law school, lawyers from different practices came to give us a peek behind the curtain of different areas. The divorce lawyer told the story of a rather well-to-do couple who spent months and months and many tens of thousands of dollars fighting over absolutely everything all the way down to a single ceramic ashtray. He couldn’t remember the significance, but somehow it had come through the husband’s family. Even after everything else had been decided, they spent many more months and nearly $100,000 fighting over just this ashtray."
"Then, after a court hearing, the wife finally won the ashtray. She promptly strode out to the white courthouse steps...and smashed the ceramic ashtray. Left the pieces all over for the husband to see on his way out. I decided that day I would not be a divorce lawyer."
3. "I had a client whose wife wanted him out of the house. I told him not to leave, just move to a different bedroom for the time being because once he was out, the chances of him ever getting back in were slim. He texted his wife and told her he was staying in the house. She called back and left a voicemail that she wanted him out, and if he wasn't out soon, she would start taking out her unhappiness on the children and would remind the children that mommy was being mean to them because daddy wouldn't leave."
4. "Not my divorce, but my divorce lawyer told me about a case she was involved in where both clients were so petty that they had to all meet to argue over literally every single scrap of everything. The final object that neither would settle on was a ceramic rabbit statue — a really generic one from Home Depot or whatever. Zero sentimental value, but since it was the final item, neither side wanted to 'lose' the last thing, and they dragged it out over three separate meetings for this one thing."
"I don't remember who ended up getting it, but once they settled it and signed everything, the 'winning' party stuck it on their lawyer's desk as a gift and walked out."
5. "Former divorce lawyer. Something that's unfortunately common: accusing the former spouse of molesting the children and domestic violence to retain full custody, and getting a restraining order to force the spouse out of the marital home. This sets the 'new status quo' for custody (which judges are reluctant to disrupt considerably down the road). It takes months, if not years, for the accused spouse to 'prove' his innocence, and CPS will often find 'evidence' where none exists if the accused party is a good enough manipulator/actor. It's a pretty horrendous long-term outcome for all parties."
"The kids are brainwashed against the estranged parent when they're young. Later, they often grow up to resent the accusing parent for poisoning their relationship with the estranged parent. Kids often grow up with a multitude of mental health issues. It's probably one of the worst things a person can do to their children...all to 'win' against their former spouse."
6. "Paralegal for a divorce lawyer here. Our client told us he didn't clear out the marital account after the parties filed — which technically is true, because while he removed $45,000, he left about $3.50 in there."
7. "I didn't handle the divorce; I handled parts of the aftermath. In the divorce, she went AWOL, was living in a truck somewhere, and just couldn't handle it mentally. He gave her five of his nine companies — they were the ones that owed seven figures in payroll taxes. He had made her the bookkeeper on paper. She spent decades trying to shake the IRS for the results."
8. "I’m a lawyer, but I've had a very limited amount of experience in divorce cases. In the first case I ever worked, the husband shaved/waxed every single hair off his body in an attempt to avoid a court-mandated drug test."
9. "I once represented a client from a divorcing couple who still lived together pending the sale of the family home, but they would not speak to one another for any reason whatsoever. Had to negotiate terms with opposing counsel for the sharing of refrigerator space."
—Anonymous
10. "I had a case where the husband found some incriminating texts on his wife's phone that she was cheating on him with some guy and also gets the impression his sister-in-law might be in on it in some way. He and his brother end up hiring a PI to tail them both to get the truth. They essentially confirm that both women are seeing other people. The sister-in-law admitted full guilt of sleeping with another man, and they attempted to reconcile, but his brother eventually filed for divorce."
"The one wife admitted she was looking to sleep with the guy, but they only 'met for some kisses,' and she 'touched his penis a little bit' in hoping that would prove that she was still faithful since she couldn't go through with it. He filed for divorce anyway."
11. "A friend who is a lawyer told me a pretty wild story about a wealthy couple splitting up. The woman hid millions of dollars overseas and cut up all her husband's clothing with a pair of scissors. These shenanigans caused her to get almost nothing."
12. "Had a client whose soon-to-be ex-husband used her email address and phone number to sign her up for every bank, loan, religious, mental illness, and pornographic site he could think of. She was bombarded by people contacting her about her interest in their products/services. He even put out ads for sex partners on Craigslist with her information. The kicker is that she actually went out with a guy who contacted her!"
13. "Divorce lawyer here. The worst I can think of was representing my client who had to be transported from jail for (allegedly) violating the restraining order between the two. There was another one that was technically a dissolution of a domestic partnership (not a divorce, but essentially the same thing for never-married parties) that was fairly wild. The client alleged her ex had killed a man and reported it to the police, but I guess they never found the body. Also, she alleged his attorney was sleeping with him."
"One of my coworkers had a case where the ex was awarded the couple's dog in the divorce only to have it euthanized just so the other would suffer more. I don't care how bad your relationship is, there is no excuse for that. That pissed me off to hear about."
14. "I had a client who was being sued by the father of her child for custody and child support. He had a weapons charge and drug charge on his recent record. My client, the mother, was clean. During cross-examination, I asked about those charges and asked if he was subjected to a test, and if would he pass. He answered in the affirmative. The judge, upon request from counsel (me), had the sheriff's office administer a test for both. He, the father, failed; my client, the mother, passed. The judge awarded my client custody and child support."
"It isn't that interesting, but what makes it funny is that this was my first family law case, and the opposing counsel was a very well-known and tough family law attorney. Prior to our hearing, the opposing counsel came in, and she literally demanded that we agree to her client's terms 'or else she (my client) would never see the kid again.' I offered that her client, the father, get weekends, etc. — standard visitation schedule. She declined, and her client failed the drug test administered after the hearing; my client passed. That's pretty minor, but it was a pretty cool win for a young attorney up against a big name. ... All for naught since the clients ended up back together a year and a half later. Imagine that."
15. "I've been a divorce lawyer for over 20 years. I've seen it all. I once represented a husband divorcing his wife of 35+ years. They were in their late 60s. At mediation, they divided up about a half million in assets within 30 minutes. Then, they spent two and a half hours fighting over two hurricane glasses from Pat O'Brien's and a pitchfork."
"Mediator: 'She really wants that pitchfork. It was a gift from her daddy.' Husband: 'That...B*TCH! We bought it at Home Depot two years ago!'...etc. They settled at mediation after spending over $1,000 in attorney fees combined for the glasses and pitchfork. They remarried three months later."
16. "I used to work as a file clerk for a divorce attorney. Our client was trying to get full custody of her child because her husband was 'dangerously neglectful of their son.' How was he being dangerously neglectful? By serving spaghetti (instead of turkey) for Thanksgiving. I wish I was making this up."
And finally...
17. "He owed her $500 as part of the settlement. He brought two buckets of unsorted coins (mostly pennies) to our office. She took the light bulbs out of every fixture when she moved out, then refused to give him the right of first refusal if she wanted to get rid of their dog. She spent a year and a half systematically destroying their business and then expected him to pay her hundreds of thousands of dollars for her share of the (now worthless) business."
—Anonymous
Fellow family lawyers, what's the wildest thing that happened during a divorce or custody battle? Feel free to share your story in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.