15 First Date Stories That Are So Embarrassing, They Might Make You Delete Your Dating Apps
Prepare to cringe.
1. This sports bar snafu.
"We decided to meet for the first time at a local bar. When I arrived, I realized it was a sports bar, and he promptly informed me that he'd chosen the bar so he could watch the NFL playoffs. After a while, I discretely messaged my mom: 'He picked a sports bar so he could keep watching the game. Yikes.' Except I accidentally sent it to him instead. And he opened the text immediately."
2. This date that went a little sour.
"While trying to squeeze a lemon into my water, I somehow managed to spray it right into his eyes. When he pointed out that it had squirted him in the eye, I panicked, causing me to squeeze the lemon harder. It popped out of my hand and hit him in the face."
3. This She's the Man moment.
"I was a bit tipsy after drinking wine, and we went back to my place and started making out. When I pulled back, his face was covered in blood, so I panicked and said, 'You’re bleeding!' Horrified, he pointed at my face, and I realized I was having a heavy nosebleed. I cleaned up in the bathroom and somehow thought it would be logical to shove tampons up my nose to stem the nosebleed. So I went back downstairs with two tampons in my nose — and yes, the mood was very much killed."
4. This group date that got very messy.
"I was on a group date that included my future husband (he wasn’t my date), and we went out for burgers and then went bowling. I starting feeling sick throughout the night, but I tried to ignore it and push through. Everyone wanted to take a picture before we left, so we asked someone to take it and lined up — and then I threw up all over the floor. I finished puking in a trash can and cleaned up in the bathroom. Horrified, I asked my date if it had been in the picture, and he said they didn’t even look; they just deleted it. Over five years later, my now husband confessed that I had been completely mid-vomit in the picture. Plus, while I was in the bathroom, everyone else on the date had to clean up my cheeseburger vomit off the floor."
5. This gassy goodbye.
"He went to hug me bye but squeezed a little too hard. I let out a huge fart and burst out laughing. I guess it wasn’t too bad, though. We’ve been married for two years now."
6. This literal emergency.
"I fainted and fell on my face, busting my chin, splitting my lip open, and chipping two front teeth. When I was rushed to the emergency room, they wouldn't let my date in the ambulance because they thought he might have roofied me. (He had not.) He did text me for a second date, though."
7. This date with a lot of oops.
"I fell down the stairs as I was greeting him. Then as I went to give him a kiss on the cheek, I missed and awkwardly kissed him on the lips. At the restaurant, the tables were close to each other, so while we were being seated, I knocked over a plate on the table beside us. Guess I wasn’t too much of a mess because 15 years later, we’re happily married with three amazing and clumsy daughters!"
8. This first kiss fiasco.
"I threw up in his truck as he was going in to kiss me."
9. This two hit wonder.
"I went to the movies on a double date with my best friend. During a funny part in the movie, I went to tap my date on his knee and accidentally hit his drink, and it spilled all over his crotch and legs. I couldn’t stop laughing and turned to see if my best friend had noticed, and I did the same thing to her. That was probably 20 years ago, and I still want to crawl under a rock."
10. This person who ~picked~ the wrong time.
"I got to the location early and felt like there was something in my nose, so I start picking it. Next thing I knew, there was someone parked next to me, aaaaaaaand it was my date. Oops."
11. This drenched disaster.
"We went out for coffee. I took a sip of mine and sneezed at the same time. He just looked at me and asked, 'Did you just spew your coffee on me?' It sprayed all over him AND the table next to us. I'm surprised I got a second date!"
12. This double disaster.
"Driving back home after dinner, I started to sweat and feel rather ill. Soon, I was begging him to pull over, and then I leaned out the truck door and puked for several minutes. I sat silently the rest of the way, thinking my chance with this guy was blown. When we arrived at my house, he said, 'I'm going to have to use your toilet.' After he shut the bathroom door, I could hear him from two rooms away destroying the toilet with explosive diarrhea. After he finished, he immediately left. This was 10 years ago, and we're married now. We still laugh about this story often."
13. This fitness farter.
"I was showing him how to do sit-ups and farted loudly. He said, 'Oh, that's how you do it.'"
14. This movie date mishap.
"We were driving together to see a movie. I got car sick and puked in my mouth. He thought I sneezed, but when he looked over, my cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk and puke was running down my chin. He pulled over and watched me finish puking behind a building. We’re not together anymore. Lol."
15. And this crappy crisis.
"I pooped my pants on a first date at a haunted house. I got so scared by a clown that I sharted and didn't want my date to know. So, I sprinted through the rest of the haunted house, ran into the bathroom, and threw away my undies. My date just thought I was really scared."