Note: This post contains mentions of abuse, suicide, and sexual assault.
Cutting off anyone isn't an easy decision, and it becomes even more complicated when it's your family. But many times, toxic — and even dangerous — situations have led people to make a change and end an unhealthy relationship for good.
So, we recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the breaking point that made them finally cut off a family member. Here are the shocking results:
1. "Six months after losing our youngest brother, my sister told me that my mom didn't want me to have his ashes — and said to give me ashes out of one of the urns donated to the thrift store she worked at instead."
"We haven't talked since. Pretty sure I'm better off."
2. "I landed in a psych ward for a week for suicide watch, and when I called my dad sobbing, the first thing he said was, 'So how much is this whole hospital thing gonna cost me?'"
—32, Oregon
3. "When my soon-to-be ex-husband confirmed that he and my sister had fooled around, after we were married and had our first child. She only told me about it when she was pissed I couldn't make it to her wedding dress shopping because I was pregnant with my second child, and she called me in a rage and told me about it."
4. "The man who raised me told me, after I had years of infertility and adopted my son, that 'no (insert disgusting racial slur) will ever be his grandson.' I took him to his word. Haven’t spoken a word to him in 25 years."
5. "My breaking point was when my mother-in-law (to be) called me when I was sleeping at 3 a.m. to talk to her son (my fiancé) on his way to work. She asks why she can't get ahold of him, and I tell her he probably has his phone on silent or has no signal. She later tells him another man answered my phone at 3 a.m. Shortly after, we find out we are expecting after trying for four years; she told him it wasn't his."
"AND THAT. THAT IS WHEN THAT B*TCH GOT CUT OFF."
6. "My grandma, who raised me, died in 2019. My heart broke when she died, and I lost it for awhile. Her husband tore the pages in her handwritten will that mentioned me, my aunt, my mom, and my siblings. I haven’t spoken to him since the day of her funeral."
7. "I came out about my historical sexual abuse from my sibling and father. My family believed me for a year, and on my 25th birthday, they decided to tell me I made it all up due to me having borderline personality disorder."
"BPD is caused by trauma; it isn’t what makes up trauma. I cut them all off and now have my long-term partner and my little kitty cat to be my new family."
8. "My mom stole my identity when I turned 18. I found out during my freshman year of college, and it was such a headache to get everything cleared. She wasn’t even apologetic."
"I got therapy, set boundaries, and we still talk, but we will never have a normal mother-daughter relationship."
—28, New Mexico
9. "My dad never respected my husband, but the last straw was when he told me that he wished my husband was dead. We have four children, and my mom died when I was young. If he could wish the pain on my kids that he saw me go through when I was young — just because of his own personal problems with my husband — I knew I had to be done."
10. "There were many incidents with my cousins. Like, threatening to beat up my mother at our grandfather's funeral because she told my cousin's wife to put her cell phone away, not telling me when one of them was diagnosed with cancer, and only ever calling or texting to try again and again to rope me into whatever MLM they were a part of."
"The final straw was when I brought my daughter who was 4 months old at the time to meet everyone; they could barely look up from the television or their plates of food. I speak to my aunt once in a while and don't see her kids at all anymore, and I'm so much better off for it."
—30, California USA
11. "My sister was my best friend, but I had to cut her off because of how she treated me when she was angry. The verbal and emotional abuse was just too much, and I needed to let her go to live a peaceful life. Cutting a family member off is not for the faint of heart."
"The impact it has had on my family has been heartbreaking, especially seeing the pain it has caused my dad. I know it was for the best, but the guilt and the grief of that decision still haunts me today — and it's been three years. I still love my sister and miss her every single day."
12. "One of my parents died, and I was dealing with major depression. A married family member — old enough to be a parent to me — decided it was appropriate to start hitting on me repeatedly via text messages. Then, they had the nerve to get upset and call me out on my 'inexcusable' behavior when I didn't constantly and immediately return their texts."
13. "I cut off most of my extended family about six months ago, and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. My cousin got married in October, and after years of them treating me like I was 'less than' or the 'other,' I put my foot down and refused to go to the wedding."
"I thought about how unlovable I felt as a kid because of them and how proud my younger self would be now. I’m moving in with my boyfriend next week, and they won't have my new address; at some point, I plan on changing my number as well. Doing this has given me such peace and clarity. I wish I had done this for myself sooner."
14. "Over the last few years, I've actually lost several family members due to toxic relationships, but the hardest has been my brother. We were always so close, but things changed after he met his now fiancée. She was very immature, mean, and selfish, and my family put up with her to support my brother; but as things got more serious, he became just like her — mean and self-centered."
"After an argument we had one day, he sent me a text that was so mean and hurtful, it was devastating. I knew then that our relationship was over. I have grieved our relationship, and honestly, I'm still not over it. However, in the end, he wasn't the same person, and I knew I needed to move on."
—33, Arizona
15. "After tolerating my mother's toxicity, lying, and jealousy for years, the breaking point was when she lied about having cancer. I went to the appointments with her, and everyone said she DIDN'T have ovarian cancer and just needed a D&C (dilation and curettage) because she hadn't been to a gynecologist since 1962."
16. "When my former mother-in-law looked at my then 13-year-old daughter and screamed in her face, ending the tirade with 'if only you’d never been born!' I knew that things would never be the same."
"She never fully apologized and tried to say that it never happened, which only made the situation worse. I ultimately divorced my husband because he grew more and more like her, and I knew that if I stayed, my daughters would grow up, move away, and never want to come home again because their father would be there."
—56, South Carolina
17. "My mom told me that I was 'stupid enough to go and get sexually assaulted,' and when I tried to bring up that it was hurtful, she told me I took it out of context to make her look bad."
"After that incident, I realized I can’t keep getting upset and asking for my chosen family’s support when she says things specifically designed to hurt me. That’s what she’s been doing ever since I left the house. Plus, if I ever have kids, she’ll do the same to them. I won’t let that happen."
18. "When none of my family came to my dad's funeral, even though they had an entire month to make it work (he was cremated, so that his remains could be transported to another state). My sister tries to explain it as 'Dad wouldn't have wanted a fuss,' but you pay your respects. Period. I am so done with that side of the family."
19. "My sister is an alcoholic. Our relationship ended when she drove off with my 4-year-old in her car as she was saying goodbye to her cousin. I drove like a maniac to catch up as we were heading to my parent’s house. I got to the neighborhood just in time to see her drive into my parent’s mailbox. My mom heard the crash and came out."
"I pulled my daughter from the car and let loose on my sister. That was the final straw in a long line of problems."
—44, Jacksonville, NC
20. "My father never wanted kids, barely feigned interest in me my entire childhood, and never approved of anything I did. I tried to connect with him for years, and nothing. About three years ago, I reached my limit when he refused to accept that I had legally changed my first name because I hated it so much."
"'You'll always be (blank) to me.' I just thought to myself, why am I trying so hard with someone who doesn't like me and used to beat me as a child? Blocked him on all formats, and I never want to hear from him again."
21. "My father has been abusive my entire life, but I always took it. The last straw was when he told me that I didn't have the right to attend my dead ex-girlfriend's funeral because I was a 'bad person' and because we had a fight right before she passed."
"The fight wasn't serious, but he made me feel like it was my fault. I didn't end up attending out of false guilt. Her best friend was there for me and comforted me telling me that she would have wanted me there, but she understands why I couldn't be."
22. "Cut off my brother-in-law for not answering our many calls the night we needed a place to stay after our home was destroyed by a tornado and hailstorm. Weeks later, he said he and his girlfriend didn’t answer because they had to be in bed early so they could go to work the next day."
23. "We are a blended family, and my parents would not treat the 'step-grandchildren' the same as the biological ones. Tried to set boundaries, which upset them. The final straw was when they had my ex wife move in with them so they could have their biological grandchild around more — even though they despised my ex."
—37, USA
24. "When my aunt, in addition to lying about so many other things, defrauded me and my husband of over $15,000 that was supposed to be used for a building project."
—51, Los Angeles
And finally:
25. "Found out that my mom had an affair at the age of 18 while married to my dad. I didn't know for over three decades. When I took an ancestry DNA test, I was matched with a first cousin who was not related to anyone on my mom's or dad's side. Turns out, my biological father is my mom's coworker when she had been working at a restaurant in Mexico in the '80s. My poor dad was devastated by the news, as was I."
What was the breaking point that made you cut off a family member? Let us know in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.