We recently asked older adults of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what they realize they "took for granted" in their 20s and 30s. Here are the eye-opening results:
1. "The level of energy and the lack of responsibility was taken for granted. Twenty-three-year-old me with only a car payment, student loans, and a phone bill would be out with friends until 4 a.m. and be at work at 8 a.m., ready to go. Fourty-one-year-old me has to get enough sleep to run a household with two kids, a dog, and more bills, which sadly still include student loans."
"A friend asked me how I 'do it all,' and my only answer was with caffeine and help."
2. "I thought the idea of 'forever' was a goal. Like, I’ll find my dream job and happily be there forever. I’ll find the perfect partner, and we will be together forever. I had no idea the amount of change and transition that would happen, making forever an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation."
"Some people, some jobs, and some experiences are just meant to be a stepping stone, not a permanent road."
3. "My health. Not having the tools and a succession of ignorant doctors putting me on antidepressants, rather than helping me deal with the cause of my immense stress and PTSD in my 20s and 30s, led to permanent chronic illness and disability. They say stress is a killer for a reason. Nowadays, you can search every avenue possible to help deal with it or at least know why it's happening."
"In the '90s and early 2000s, it was SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) or 'just get on with life; other people have it worse,' which I am living proof of why that is the worst advice ever!"
4. "I took for granted how easy it is to lose sight of your dreams. I allowed myself to give up too many times. The time we have to achieve things in our youth is so much more than what we have as we get older. Do everything! Don't let it pass you by! When you're older, life gets in the way."
5. "Teeth! Take care of them — you only get a set after adult teeth comes out."
—40, Alaska
6. "That it's not so easy to just decide to start caring for yourself and getting back in shape after getting distracted, injured, sick, or lazy. Sure, it's never been easy to get in shape at any age, but between the body getting more accustomed to an out-of-shape set point and an increasingly full and regimented life, it gets harder and harder to get back the old spring in the step and trim waistline."
—52, Virginia
7. "The safety and security of having an affordable place of my own — and just sticking with it because I felt I had no options and that it was the best things were going to get. I wish I had taken the risk and moved somewhere I would have been happier and maybe more successful. There are no good jobs here, and there’s not even any place I can establish hobbies."
"This area is so bland; I can’t even find a relationship here. I’m still stuck in the same area and now the cost of living has made it damn near impossible to change locations, careers, etc."
—40, California
8. "My mom. She used to annoy me with her constant calls and her always checking up on me. I would feel frustrated with feeling like I had to pacify her with my precious time because she liked to call me every single day to check-in. When she died suddenly when I was 39, I had no idea how much those daily check-ins really meant to me."
"Did I have an extra 20 minutes for her every day? Yes, and I wish I would have used it better. Now, I cling to old voicemails just to listen to her say, 'Hey, chick! Just checking to see how your day was. Love you!' one more time."
—44, Texas
"Having my mom. I always assumed she'd be there forever, to help out with my kids, or to sew stuff for me (she tried to teach me, but I was more interested in the Super Nintendo), or to be at the other end of the phone to hear me vent or brag about how delicious the dinner I made was."
9. "I'm only in my mid-30s, but I took my health for granted so much, and I didn't push as hard as I should've done for doctors writing pain off as just 'women's issues' in my early 20s. Now, I have Stage 4 endometriosis, and my fertility is at risk. I have autoimmune disorders up the wazoo and fibromyalgia. I've gone from running 5Ks and bodybuilding to sometimes needing a rest just moving around my house, and my social life has tanked. It's been a hard adjustment."
"Please do not let doctors gaslight your issues and don't leave it as late as I did."
10. "Not putting my own mental health first when dealing with a toxic friend. I ended a friendship a few years ago, and my only regret was not ending it sooner. We were thrown together as kids because of a common relative; we had very little in common, and I can honestly say she is not someone I would have chosen as a friend. I only held onto the friendship because of time."
"It's okay to end relationships when that person is only bringing negativity to your life."
11. "Well, I’m in my 30s now, but something I took for granted in my teens and 20s was how much easier it was to learn. I’m sure there’s someone who can explain it in a more factual or scientific manner, but you certainly lose some cognitive abilities (for example, the ability to learn languages more easily) as you age."
12. "Honestly? I know I'll sound like an a-hole but...my looks. I was insufferable and incredibly shallow about something that I assumed would be there forever, and that frankly, I got through genetics and had nothing to do with. Now, I'm well past 50, and all the things I was so proud of are gone, and I'm ashamed to say, I miss them. I never learned good eating habits, and I'm struggling to (you actually can't live off of Taco Bell and Little Debbie). I didn't take care of my skin until it was way too late (sun damage is no joke)."
"It was a point of pride that my hair was thick (menopause wiped that right out). Forgot to floss? Meh, I'll do it tomorrow (HUGE mistake). Truly, learn to take care of yourself."
13. "I was certain my husband and I would be happily married for many years to come. I was 21 when we married, and I had all the hopes and dreams of a husband and children, keeping a beautiful home, being good community members, and always having fun at family gatherings. As fate would have it, I was widowed at 25."
"Never was fortunate enough to remarry or find a solid relationship afterwards."
—51, North Carolina
14. "My mobility. I don’t care how healthy you are: Stick with a regular exercise routine to keep your joints lubricated."
15. "My voice. I had a killer set of pipes in high school (I'm now in my mid-70s). Could sing pop, country, jazz, an operatic lyric soprano. Thanks to cigarettes, booze, and opioid overuse leading to chronic GERD, the scar tissue in my esophagus has to be stretched surgically on a regular basis so that I can even swallow food, and I can only manage a few crappy-sounding notes above middle C."
"It was so effortless back then, and now, I can barely sing along with the car radio."
16. "I definitely took for granted being able to not having a plan for my life. I was able to just go with the flow, and if a friend was like, 'Hey, let’s travel to South America for two months,' I would be like, 'When are we leaving?' and uproot my life. Now that I’m 35, I can’t do that."
"I have to plan for my future, work and contribute to a retirement account, pay rent — basically just be an adult, and it sucks."
17. "Fourty-one years old here. I took my health for granted, for sure, along with my friendships. COVID didn't help, of course, but all of us have gotten worse at staying in touch, and it's been depressing."
18. "I severely underestimated how beautiful and capable I was, and how I deserved better partners. I wasted a lot of time and put up with more than I should have. I'm glad I figured it out eventually."
"Don't waste your precious time, emotional energy, and life on people who don't value you. It could be a toxic parent or an uncaring, selfish partner. Find people who love and cherish you just as you are, then hold on to them for life."
—66, California
19. "Sleep. I used to be able to sleep like a log. Now I sleep like a baby: up every two hours."
"Sleep is a huge one. I'm deeply ashamed of every nap I ever missed as a child and will take the time to nap if my body is tired. I'm not ashamed to admit that as a 29-year-old, I nap. A lot. My struggles with my mental health leave me exhausted and sometimes getting out of bed is literally draining that I fall asleep on the sofa the second I sit down. It shouldn’t be frowned upon. Sleep is precious, and when it’s as broken and infrequent as mine, you take it where you can."
20. "That you can be whatever you want to be if you work hard enough. What a crock! Don’t get me wrong. I’m beyond blessed that I have a job that allows me to live reasonably comfortably, but I certainly didn’t work hard towards being an overnight warehouse manager."
And finally...
21. "I just assumed that I would develop and mature — that it was a natural process. I didn't understand that I had to work on myself, be reflective, and be self-aware. Of course, we all change over time, but I basically took a decade off from working towards the healthy version of myself am I becoming now."
—40, Massachusetts
Older adults, what are some other things you "took for granted" in your 20s and 30s? Let us know in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.