THE BEST AND WORST PARTS OF THE FOURTH OF JULY

The Fourth Of July is this Friday, and to honor that we decided to share with you the best (and worst) parts of the Fourth Of July. Fireworks and excessive Patriotism are in store for you. You have been warned. ‘Murica. Originally posted on Literally, Darling

BEST PARTS

Phallic Fireworks

The last moment in the office before the three day weekend

Fried-freaking-chicken

SPARKLERS

Setting off illegal fireworks on a day celebrating the formation of law and order

American flag bathing suits

Beer

Dancing in the streets

FREEDOM

Being able to sleep in that day instead of dashing off to the office: FREEDOM MFERS

Boomsday

Clothing and makeup sales!

Being as annoying as you want with your American pride

Martina McBride’s “Independence Day”

Seriously. This live version is the epitome of everything you need and want The Fourth Of July to be.

WORST PARTS

Drunk Parents

When the Fourth Of July falls in the middle of the week

Baked beans in the heat

When it rains on your cookout

American flag bathing suits

Mosquitoes and fire ants that love to congregate on people watching fireworks

Having to police the crazed animals that are freaking out over the loud booming

The colors – red, white, and blue – look awful together but we’ve been brainwashed to think that color combination is acceptable. They’re not even complimentary colors…

Family members that decide to take the day off as an open invitation to come invade your space

Traffic to get to the areas where you can see the awesome firecrackers

Everyone being all “FREEDOM BITCHES” when only four days earlier SCOTUS essentially ruled that women aren’t people but corporations are (too soon?)

Everyone wearing all red, white and blue everything. Head to toe.