If anyone has learned the secrets to sustaining a marriage, it's Kendra Wilkinson. Despite some bumps in the road, the mother of two has worked hard to keep her bond with husband Hank Baskett alive for over six years and now, the couple is stronger than ever. We sat down with the Kendra On Top reality star to gain some insight on just how she managed to weather the storm, keep her marriage intact, and make her relationship work tenfold.
Kendra Wilkinson: You always want to look forward to something together. Something big, something small, something cheap, something free. Something that is promised. Like for instance, Hank and I, we love golf. We love it! But nowadays with two kids, we can't really find the time to play. But let's say, Monday morning, we'll be like let's try to find time to golf together. And you know, it's a way to stimulate the excitement with each other and it's just what we're into. Why not just plan something? Look forward to something all the time. Don't ever get too comfortable.
KW: My second tip is to have an adventure book, like in the movie Up. It's similar to a bucket list. Take snapshots or do it digitally if you want. Make a book with the things that you want to do together like what you want to see, where you want to travel to. You know, just big picture stuff. Beautiful stuff. Travel stuff. I really think that that's a big thing.
KW: Renew your commitment every couple of years because people change. I changed. Hank has changed. Sometimes you're just like, OK. So... who are we to each other? So you want to just come together and really communicate on what your new beliefs are every couple of years. Maybe every three years. Sometimes people use the five year renewing their vows as their time to talk about it. I just believe in that. Maybe three years is a little too soon, but it's much needed.
Hank and I, we're both right now, we're in a place where we're both changing. We're both growing. We're not stuck, but we're growing. We're becoming different people than we were in our 20's, so we're just having to figure that out and really understand each other.
KW: Role-play in the bed if you choose, but do not role-play in real life. Sex is great, role-play in the bed. But Hank and I, we fell into the trap. We fell into the rule book. Like, OK we're married so that means the husband has to do this and the wife has to do this. We're supposed to feel this way. But these days women are just as equal as men with work and business and stuff like that. You're getting women that are working 9-5. It's your choice to be a stay at home mom and I love to stay at home, but it's just different now. Role playing is done.
Before, back in the 50's, women didn't have as many rights as men so they had to be that stay at home wife and take care of the kids all day. But now with marriage, it's a partnership. It's not like this old traditional marriage that it once was. It's now a partnership, so Hank and I are doing a great job of being partners. Him taking care of the kids as much as I do. Sometimes he takes care of them more than I do! He does the dishes more than I do. He does the cooking more than I do. I'm now getting into cooking to help him out a little bit. But it's the role-playing, just be careful with the role-playing. You can do that in the bedroom, but not in real life.
KW: This is a big one. I believe that both people in a marriage should be concentrated on health and you should be inspiring each other. How to make your mind healthier, how to make your body healthier. Healthy mind, healthy body, healthy soul. You can get into meditation. You can get into working out together. You can get into cooking together, Just things that really involve your health and wanting to see each other healthy throughout life if your going to choose to live together forever. You want to be healthy, so inspire each other to do that.