We (Kristin, left, and Leo, right) are two sophisticated ladies who have noticed that Forever 21 sells some ~interesting~ graphic T-shirts. And we had many thoughts on them.
Kristin: I think if you searched for this phrase on Twitter, it could come up like 20 times. Also, what are you saying here? That you've never truly learned to love a human, only pizza?
Leo: This is really sad to me. I would not broadcast this sentiment on my boobs.
Kristin: Also, I think it's very interesting that this is basically the same thing as this Instagram caption from eight months ago. JUST SAYING.
Kristin: Isn't this the reason why people do most things? You might as well say: "I'm only breathing because it's part of the human experience."
Leo: This makes me miss the '90s when "like" was an actual emotion and people did things for more honorable reasons like money or sex. If I may invoke the words of the great Fred Durst: "I did it all for the nookie."
Leo: #What #the #fuck #is #this #fucking #dumb #shit.
Kristin: Look, youths, you're the ones who created hashtags. You made this internet bed, and now you must lie in it.
Leo: I still call it the number sign; apparently teens are unaware that it means this.
Kristin: I call it the pound sign!
Leo: Is this funny? Depresso heh heh. I might try saying this when the coffee runs out and see what happens.
Kristin: This is for the discerning woman who goes to the store and thinks, "I need a shirt that my awkward downstairs neighbor will reference every time I wear it."
Leo: Anytime I see lists like this, my inclination is to be like, "stop stereotyping women." But I really like doing all the things on this shirt (well, maybe not the rain one). So. What. Does. That. Mean. I feel like I should feel bad about myself now.
Kristin: How are you supposed to read this without being right up in someone's personal space?
Kristin: "No new friends" is more or less what I fear every person I meet is thinking anyway, so this is at least being transparent about it.
Leo: Agreed. This is an effective mode of advertising that you will probably "have a cold" when someone texts you to hang out.
Kristin: So... in English, this shirt means "I don't like you good."
Leo: Kinda. But it for sure seems like caveman talk. I read good. Fashion fun. Shirt real good.
Kristin: Also, fun to note that in the reviews, one of the "pros" of this shirt is that it is "classy."
Kristin: Oh Look, the Unfunny And Insensitive T-Shirt Fairy left us a present!
Leo: I do this though!
Kristin: I sometimes do as well, but could you imagine coming across this in a store or in life if you had real issues with eating? Like, ugh.
Kristin: WHAT DOES THIS PHRASE MEAN? I tried googling it, but nothing? Is this phrase like one of those super high-pitched sounds that only teenagers can hear, because they have young ears?
Leo: I know what it means i'm just not telling you.
Kristin: That's just mean.
Leo: That was a joke. As far as I know, this is Kanye's latest sport vodka collaboration.
Kristin: This shirt is perfect if you have a vampire friend with a birthday coming up.
Leo: Live TRIBAL COOL AWESOME ACCENTS for the night FEATHERS COACHELLA FAIRY GIRL
Kristin: What exactly do feathers have to do with living for the night?
Leo: I obviously just explained it.
Leo: Definitive proof that where I live is officially the world's most uncool neighborhood.
Kristin: No one who actually lives in Silver Lake (or any other city for that matter) actually wears the name of their residential area on a T-shirt. That literally never happens.
Leo: I kinda think people in Brooklyn though...
Leo: Although this does remind my that my local CVS makes these kinda island motif shirts that say "Silver Lake" on them and I've always thought of buying one. Did I just say that out loud?
Leo: This shirt might be brilliant.
Kristin: This is the shirt you wear if you like rap but you can't actually name any rappers.
Leo: This is the shirt you wear when you own that book white people love about decoding rap lyrics.
Leo: "The love, the music, and a fashion."
Kristin: JUST ONE FASHION. YOU ONLY GET ONE.
Leo: Balzac is rolling over in his grave.
Kristin: I think I'm going to buy this, and then just wear it for ten days straight. That would basically be performance art, right?
Leo: You wear that, then I'm gonna wear a shirt that says LAST CLEAN SHIRT IN THE WORLD.
Kristin: OK, this just says "Get your foot in the I love Paris."
Leo: Get in the love? I'm actually trying to concept this. Foot in the love... foot... foot?
Kristin: This is basically every Forever 21 shirt ever: it's got pithy advice, something in French, the name of a city.
Leo: But nothing about food or hashtags...
Leo: Barbie good. Barbie perfect. Also reads like caveman talk to me.
Kristin: Also, shouldn't there be a "Barbie Perfect" tee in non plus size? And why isn't there a "Ken Perfect" shirt for men? MISANDRY.
Leo: "Life in plastic, it's fantastic." Life in cotton-poly blend, it's GARBAGE.
Leo: This kind of presumes that somewhere, someone spells it New Yourk.
Kristin: More like "Same you, shittier apartment."
Leo: This shirt is broken.
Leo: This shirt needs to go spend some time with Oprah or like Joan of Arc or basically any female role model.
Kristin: I am making an audible noise of discomfort. But I do like that they made the all the "S"s into dollar signs, just in case you don't know what money is.
Leo: She's operating on the assumption that people automatically think she's dumb. Which, well, if you're wearing this shirt... just sayin'. Oh! Maybe this is some kind of meta joke. ::thinks:: No, no. Just kidding.
Kristin: To take the other side for a moment, if I owned this, it might be a really helpful visual aid for whenever I do something that makes no sense.
Kristin: OK, I laughed at this. I stand by that laugh 100%.
Leo: "Crêpe" is not pronounced like "crap." This is why the French think we are uncultured slobs.
Kristin: Still hilarious.
Leo: Love that classic WS. Willy S.
Kristin: Willy S. Coyote.
Leo: Forever 21 needs a subcategory for all their passive aggressive T-shirts.
Kristin: This is just inconsiderate. You are basically forcing other people to drive you places while you just sleep.
Leo: Right. Just say it, don't wear it.
Leo: They should go to jail for making this. Fashion jail.
Kristin: Don't buy this shirt unless you want to have a lot of conversations with concern trolls. Actually, that's probably a good reason to buy this shirt: You're going to figure out REALLY FAST all the people you don't want to talk to any more.
Leo: Maybe they thought plus-size women would feel like they were "taking it back from the man." Oy va voy.
Kristin: But in all honesty: If you just cross out the "he" and put in an "f" instead, it's actually a pretty good shirt.